2006-07-07 18:37:18 · 10 answers · asked by Mz. Molina 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Ok there are three construction workers. One's Chinese, one's Mexican and one's blond. It was lunch time.
The Chinese one opened his lunch box and said "If I get egg rolls one more time I'm jumping off this building.
The Mexican opened his lunch and said "If I get a taco one more time I'm jumping off this building".
The blond opened his lunch box and said if I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping off this building".
The next day they opened their lunch boxes. The Chinese got egg rolls so he jumped off the building. The Mexican got a taco so he jumped off the building. The blond gotta bologna so he jumped off the building.
Then in court the judge ask their wife's for a explanation. The Chinese wife said "If I knew he wouldn't of liked egg rolls so much I wouldn't of packed him that. The Mexicans wife said "If I'd known that he didn't like tacos so much I wouldn't of made them for him". The Blonde's wife said "I don't know, he packs his own lunch.
2006-07-07 18:45:40 · answer #1 · answered by mammagirl911 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on first hole when a second
fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for a $5 a hole?"
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local
Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and
apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says,
"No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you.
You keep your winnings."
The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest says,"Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you."
2006-07-08 01:42:07 · answer #2 · answered by Pd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A woman is at the hospital having a difficult labor.
The doctor is down there helping the birth.. He says "push!!" and she pushes. This goes on for a while until the baby finally pops out.
The doctor drops the baby on the floor, then starts kicking it wildly around the room. The woman is screaming at the doctor "what the $%# are you doing?!?!" After a minute of this, the doctor picks the baby up off the floor and apologizes "Sorry, I was just kidding...the baby was already dead".
2006-07-08 08:22:50 · answer #3 · answered by grepman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A bereaved woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"
"No," she insists. "It must be a blue suit." She then gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director, "That is absolutely perfect! I love it! How much did it cost?"
He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So, I switched the heads."
2006-07-08 01:42:51 · answer #4 · answered by Gestalt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
New Rules In Hell
A man dies and goes to Hell, where he is greeted by the Devil.
The man looks around and sees no fire or people being tortured, nothing uncomfortable, and asks, "where is all the horrible things that Hell has to offer me? I might as well get started now".
The Devil says, " Things have changed down here".
He asks the man, "Do you like to drink alcohol?"
"Oh, Yes!" replied the man, with a big smile.
"Well you are in luck", Says the Devil, "because on Mondays there is drinking all day, anything that you want"
"Wow, that's sounds great", the man says.
"How about sex? Do you like sex?" the Devil asks.
The man replys, "Love sex, just never could get enough".
The Devil replys, "Well we will take care of that little problem, we have sex all day on Tuesday".
The smile continues to grow wider on the mans face.
He is then asked if he had any homosexual tendancies.
"Absolutely not!", he says emphatically, "I can't stand queers!"
The Devil smiles at him and says, "You are really going to hate Wednesdays then."
2006-07-09 04:29:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man says, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."
Bartender: "Yeah! Sure…go ahead."
Man asks the dog, "What covers a house?" Dog says, "Roof!"
Man asks the dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" Dog says, "Rough!"
Man asks the dog, "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" Dog says, "Ruth!"
Man says to the bartender, "Pay up. I told you he could talk."
Bartender throws both of them out the door.
Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the man and says, "Should I have said Gehrig, then?"
2006-07-08 08:05:58 · answer #6 · answered by pureessence 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't pirates be doctors?
They don't know CP Arrrrgh!
Why do Eskimos always do their laundry in-
tide?
Too durn cold out-tide!
How do you know if you're at a gay bar-b-que?
The wieners taste like cr*p!
2006-07-08 01:45:51 · answer #7 · answered by scummibear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you call the septic tank around the corner? answer: the corner sewer.(connoisseur) get it its a play on words.
2006-07-08 04:45:38 · answer #8 · answered by amarylis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
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Because chickens weren't invented then!
2006-07-08 01:41:01 · answer #9 · answered by Songbird1979 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'M SO STUPID I TRIPPED OVER A CORD-LESS PHONE
2006-07-08 01:51:07 · answer #10 · answered by Carlos DeLaTorre 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋