Is it true love or is this woman crazy....???

Question

I am with this girl she is everything I have ever wanted. I mean she is perfect in every way. She says she loves me and I know I love her, but she calls me like every hour of the day and I mean I don't truly get annoyed by it, but when I try to get off the phone she starts crying and says she doesn't want me to get off the phone. I have broken up with her and she threatened she would hurt herself, and she actually did by cutting herself. I mean I love her, but I feel like I am in over my head and it is starting to scare me. What should I do. I want to be with her, but I don't want her to call me so much and hurt herself. She has had a hard life and she is getting help by going to a phychiotrist, but I think I am way over my head on this. plz help...

Answer 1

it's in a nature of a girl to call her guy very often esp if she really likes him. its really hard to resist the itch of the fingers to dial the phone. but if she's crying before hanging up, she needs help. professionally and emotionally. if you really love her, be there as a friend first that's what she needs.

Answer 2

if u love her and she loves u don't ruin it. u have something very precious. she needs u emotionally so that she can get through some pof the problems that she has. the fact that she is seeking professional help shows u that she cares for the relationship and wants to make things work.
u do not say whether u hvae brought it up with her that she calls u too much. so first of all talk to her about it. maybe u can suggest that she can write in a journal everytime she has an urge to talk to u. then at the end of the day, when u see her, she can give u the journal and u can read what she had to say. explain to her that the frequent phone calls interfere with ur work and it probably interferes with hers too. if she doesn't have one, maybe u can find her find a job or a place to volunteer that would keep her busy.
if nothing works maybe u can try resolving it through the psychiatrist that she is seeing.
good luck and don't leave her. she really needs u.

Answer 3

I tend to agree with the suggestion that manipulating someone to meet your psychological needs is not the same as love--and unless you're exaggerating it would be hard to argue that she's not manipulating you.

Which is not to say she's doing so intentionally or maliciously, but rather it's probably that she's among the many people who have a hard time seeing beyond themselves and actually caring about the welfare of someone else. if she actually *loved* you (in the sense of acting it out), she would understand that she is making you uncomfortable (to say the least!) and is essentially smothering you.

Practical advice is harder to come by, but assuming you've "had the talk", the suggestion of attending a psychiatric session (or at least speaking with her doctor) seems appropriate, if possible.

If you wish to continue the relationship, one possible strategy may be to simply ignore the tantrums--if they don't draw a reaction from you, she might stop trying. Of course, it would be advisable to do this *slowly*--selectively ignoring the littler tantrums, working your way up to the bigger ones, and rewarding "good" behavior. (If she's going to behave like a child, maybe you should treat her as one rather than trying to rationally argue it out.) The danger is that she might do something drastic if she feels completely ignored, hence the rewards (maybe you call *her*, or do whatever you do to show you care).

And if you do care about her but still need to break up, it's probably better to draw away slowly. Maybe let her get used to the idea of a little bit of life without you. Love is quite a bit like an addictive drug. Encourage her hobbies or other pursuits. Maybe she you have a mutual friend who could help look out for her.

Of course the argument can be made that "cold turkey" is the way to go... assuming you won't hate yourself for it.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Aside from her being emotionally dependent on you i'm sure she is a nice girl. Has her psychiatrist ever wanted to meet you, i'm sure they've heard of you. Control by guilt is no way to be in a relationship regardless of how much love is there. Ask her why she feels insecure enough to feel the need to call so often, and if she loves herself enough to not mutilate her body. That cannot be an easy situation to be in, i hope you get the answers you are looking for.

Answer 5

Go to a session with her, tell her how you feel about the calls, tell her you care and it was dumb to break up with her but you feel overwhelmed by all the calling and threats. Explain that it is hard for you to be happy being with her when she is always so negative. If this does not work. Tell someone else close to her that you can't do it anymore and that she has threatened to hurt herself so that this person can keep an eye on her.

Answer 6

It is quite natural when a girl falls in deep love with a boy, worried about missing him because of any eventualities. In a way, get her married immediately or make her to understand that just love is not enough to lead a dream life of yours, ask her to wait till the situations are favourable to marry her. No need to take her to a psychiotrist. She is perfectly alright and having emotional dream to have you in her life.

Answer 7

don't run she might hurt you but you should probably walk quickly away. you can not fix her. if she is getting help then that is good but she probably does not need to be in a dependent relationship. it sounds like she needs to learn that she has two feet to stand on and then maybe she can be in a serious relationship. you can not make someone love you with fear. she is basically holding you hostage in this relationship by saying love me or i will hurt myself. she is using your emotions as a trigger. you have to walk away and say that you can not let someone else's problems keep you in a unhealthy relationship.

Answer 8

YIKES! That is a nutty one. Mature, well-grounded people don't do things like that. If she cries when you hang up the phone what if you had to get up and go to work every morning?

Answer 9

Well you should talk to her and when your about to get off the phone tell her not to worry and that you love her and that you talk to her another time.But she's crazy if she cut her self. If what i said doesn't work leave her, but do it slow!!!

Answer 10

You're right, She's nuts.. And it will probably get worse... Do you really want the responsibility of this girl?? She needs help. You need to step back.