How did you reject the religion you were raised in?

Question

Were you raised in a strong religious household? Did you later reject that religion? How didi you do it? For me, there are things that I have a lot of difficulty rejecting - such the people at church have been there for since I was born. Also, any contrary comments I make about that religion are treated as personal attacks by my parents. How do I do it without moving out of town and deceiving my family?

Answer 1

This is a really tough road.

I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian home, very strict, very rigid. I went to college and then to seminary but I found the Christian system very hollow. Then I had a religious experience that just rocked my world and I found that I couldn't be a Christian anymore.

At first I was pretty vocal about my new beliefs and all that did was alienate my family and their friends. But I found that I could respect their views without compromising my own beliefs. This isn't all that hard because I'm a pluralist. I think that there are many different paths to the Divine and the important thing is to be on a path.

So what does this look like?

Well I don't discuss religion with family. I can smile and nod or say, "That's really interesting, you could be right." If I'm directly asked something I'll just smile and say, "I need to think about that a bit. Let me get back to you later." If they get really pushy and ask me point blank. "Are you a Christian?" I'll say, "No." and then I'll drop the subject. If they continue to push I'll politely excuse myself and leave.

My bottom line is that I can be kind and considerate without shoving my rejection of their religion in their face. I will stand my ground if they get abusive but I will not get into a pissing match with my family. I can love them without believing what they believe.

My father was the hardest to deal with. A number of years ago he and my mom were over for dinner. He decided to help himself to a look around our basement without an invitation. Well he saw my alter and nearly blew a gasket. He just started thundering at me making all kinds or accusations. Asking me why I hated him so much and other such nonsense.

When I finally stopped talking I pointed out that he had not been invited to look around in my basement and if he couldn't speak to me in a calm and civil manner it would be time for him to leave. He continued his ranting and I stood there silently looking at him until he stopped. Then I said it was time for him to go. It was ugly but he and mom soon left.

There were a couple of times that he tried to bring the subject up again and all I would say is, "You've made it very clear how you feel about my choices. I don't think we need to discuss it any more. And yes, I still love you Dad."

After a couple of years he and mom have let it drop.

It wasn't easy but it worked itself out in time.

Pax

Answer 2

I was raised Muslim, but I always had doubts. At times I was more conservative to cover up those doubts (even donning the headscarf for a brief few months). In the end, I took a bunch of religion courses - and in religion 101, I came a conclusion I knew all along - that religion is all manmade, and humankinds way of creating order out of an otherwise chaotic, unpredictable, natural world.

So for me it was not so much a rejection of Islam (that too) but mostly a rejection of all religion.

Churches, synagogues, and mosques are not only about religion - they are communities. For me, I just sort of backed away from it and withdrew. I knew I would be judged. I knew I would have had people try and "save" me. I just slowly backed away, without any formal annoucement that I'm now a heretic.

As for dealing with your family, I think you need to be honest with them. They will take your rejection personally - that they raised you wrong, or what could they have done differently, etc. Be honest with them - tell them you love them, you respect their views, and you do not necessarily hate your former religion (even if you do). Tell them that all everyone is trying to do, is make sense of life and search for meaning. Both you, and your parents - you're just doing it in different ways. It does not mean you abandon all your ethics, but you're just trying to explore, learn, and see for yourself how the world works. Let them know your intentions are good - your path may just be different.

Best of luck.

Personally, I despise religion, and I think it's manipulative and venemous - but those are my own private thoughts, and I don't share my hardcore viewpoints with my family. The key is to not go all out rebellious and overdo it. Let them know it in simplest form - you're just trying to make sense of life/the world in your own explorative way.

Answer 3

yes but to answer your Q will take awhile. if you wait or activate your email would be easier.

Short story,
1.realized the religion of my parents was not the truth.
2.looked at many different religions.
3. talked to people from different religions.
4. noticed that one religion inparticular was doing the work of Jesus(preaching), and teaching in harmony with the Bible.
5.Studied with them to learn more.
6. Tried to talk about it with family and friends. Got put down,and browbeat .
7. Changed anyways, as there was no reason to remain in a church that did not follow the Bible.
8. Eventually learned that after the initial attempts to prevent me from changing, everyone mellowed out.
9. every so often people in my family try to stir up trouble regarding my decision.

Answer 4

Simply tell them that you have moved on, that you still believe in God and his mercy but that you need to stretch your wings, so to speak. Do not and I repeat do not let them brow beat you or respond to their ridicule. Ask them if they believe they raised you right and that if they did, you as an adult have to build your own salvation. Its true, the Bible even ssys it. A child is not a wife who can slide in on a believing spouces coat tail. So, respect them and request that they respect you. My folks are like yours, why even when they say their creed, they turn and look at others in the congergation. When I am there and don't believe parts of the creeds, I shut my mouth, until there is a part that I believe in, and if they want to get huffy about it, I am open, I will explain why if they ask. Whats really weird is trying to sit with my folks during worship because everyone has their accustomed seat and who is this who wants to make them uncomfortable? So live and worship as you see fit, but know that many cannot accept being uncomfortable, and will take it personal until you challenge them. Godspeed

Answer 5

Well, moving out of town was a big factor for me! I went to college and decided to verify things for myself. I set aside everything everyone ever told me regarding the nature of God and religion and decided that I would discover these things for myself. If it's true, then it should be verifiable, right?

You don't have to disrespect your patrents. They taught you that it was good to seek the truth, right? Well then I suggest you do that. They should be proud of your strong ethics.

Answer 6

I rejected my religion when I saw how badly they treated some members of the faith.

I rejected their dogma that was hopelessly out of step with the modern world.

I rejected a system that pusnished people for their own belief system which was in conflict with our belief system.

I rejected a faith that did not have faith in itself or its members, prefering a lock-step mentality.

I still believe in God, not the people who minister His work down here.

Answer 7

I still believe in the same religion, but have done things that I'm not proud of.I'd say this way a form of rejection?

Answer 8

Number one, don't make comments about their religion. They won't receive it anyways. Just smile and move on and ignore it.

Secondly, don't deceive your family- that would be wrong. Just live your life unapologetically. They will either accept it, or they won't. Let them deal with their own reactions. Let it roll off your back, don't accept it.

Answer 9

Don't talk to anyone, don't go to church of that religion....pretty easy. Just have to change your life to some degree or just tell your folks the truth that you don't like it. Speak up! (or just tell them to suck-it, start dressing in black, get lots of tatoos and start pirecing stuff, religious parents don't like that stuff!!!) Good luck!

Answer 10

SIMPLE; GOD SHOWED ME THE TEST COMMANDMENT AND I ACCEPTED IT AND OBEYED GOD. INSTEAD OF THE TRADITIONS OF MEN.
Ex 31:13 Speak thou also unto the children of Israel, saying, Verily my sabbaths ye shall keep: for it is a sign between me and you throughout your generations; that ye may know that I am the LORD that doth sanctify you.
Ex 31:17 It is a sign between me and the children of Israel for ever: for in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, and on the seventh day he rested, and was refreshed.