My current situation, a little confusing. Help?

Question

My ex boyfriend and I began talking online and eventually met up after about 3 months of having a great relationship online. We'd talk for hours and everything was just wonderful. When we met things got even better. We had made plans to one day marry and eventually have kids and everything. I couldn't imagine life without him and I don't think he could ever leave me. We'd make trips back and forth to see each other and things were going well for the next year or so. Then one of our mutual friends had wanted my guy to meet her new friend. She didn't mean for them to hook up, she just happened to run into my guy and so they met. The 2 started hitting it off really well and before I knew it, they were together. He had dumped me and has apologized to me several times in the past few months. He has told me he didn't like seeing me everyday and the plane rides over here were stressful and he wanted us to be closer than a plane ride away. So after a few months, he married her.... tbc.

He didn't want to marry her right away but she insisted on marrying as soon as possible because she was pregnant, or so she thought. So they married and are still married now. My ex has told me several times that he is still in love with me and he doesn't have the heart to leave her because he feels like she loves him alot. I still love him too. I think we could really have a future and I would give anything to have him come back with me. But for her sake, I'd rather not intrude. Recently we've had some very serious talks and he has again told me how much he loves me. I don't understand why he keeps telling me because he has told me plenty of times that I should move on without him and now he's saying he wants me back. He can't divorce his wife because with her culture, divorce is forbidden. So he is stuck with her.

What should I do? This is getting so serious and I just wish he'd make up his mind with who he wants. I keep telling him that when he left me it seemed like he made his decision but he gets angry that I don't believe he still loves me. I just don't know how he can wear a wedding ring to another woman and say he still loves me. By the way, I am 22, he is 29 and she is 25. Please help me come up with something. Maybe something I could say to him so he'll understand that he is married now.

Wow this is helping alot. Thanks you guys. By the way, she wasn't really pregnant she just thought she was. Don't ask, I haven't met her. Btw to those of you who don't know what I'm asking, don't bother posting then. The question is what am I supposed to do?

Update - He has since told me that he has talked it over with his wife and they are going to try and build a stronger relationship and if not, he is going to end things with her. Another big problem I have, is that he used to complain to me that he never got to see me often enough. Well she works usually out in India and he's in the US, so they're work drives them to different areas of the world. He only calls me or comes online with me when she's out of town. When she's not there he "loves" me but when she's there he's all "my baby, my love" with her. It's getting really old.

Answer 1

what's the question?

Answer 2

First of all. Nobody can be forced to stay in a marriage. That's one hell of a lousy cop-out. I would've believed that, had we have been in the 1930's.

If you want out of a marriage, you're entitled to take the appropriate steps to do so.

I think he is highly confused, and unaware of what he really wants. And. Despite how much you still feel for him, I think you're better off moving on. If he means that much to you, tell him that you will always be around, when/if he ever decides to follow his heart. But. Don't make it sound as if you're prepared to wait for him. Tell him that you will continue to live your life, as you would normally live it, but that if paths cross later on (when the situation isn't so chaotic) that the whole issue may be looked at a little more closely.

I don't mean to make him sound like a jackhole, or needy, but maybe he is liking this 3-way attention triangle. And that things may not be so love-related after all.

Be sure to look after your heart, it's not so easy to repair.

Answer 3

Holy cr@p! That had to be so painful. Since he is already married to this new girl I think you should work on moving on and healing your heart. Do whatever you need to to help yourself get over this: counseling, church (if you believe in God), go out, stay busy, rely on your friends, join a club, join a co-ed sports team (3 couples that met at the last one I joined are getting married), work overtime, clean your place from top to bottom, redecorate to whatever extent you can afford, etc.

I know you may not be wanting to hear this right now but time will heal your heart. Just work on making yourself healthy and happy (in positive ways not with drugs, alcohol, or sex with randoms). Be your own best friend and help yourself through this very difficult period.

I truly wish you all the best!

Ok, I just read the additional info. This guy is a jerk and a player. RUN DON'T WALK as far away from this ****** as you can!!!!!!!!! You don't need this mental torture. Cut all ties, don't take his calls, change your # if you need to, change your e-mail, do anything you can to get this emotional puppeteer away from you and out of your life for good!!!! He obviously likes the attention of two girls and will never be faithful to his "wife". RUN RUN RUN!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

OMG, I think if I were you I would be crying for days and days. That is a real TBC story not jking, actually I feel very bad for you. I think you should tell him off, and that mutual friend for getting them hooked up. You don't need them just move on, and never talk to him again. He TOTALLY doesn't deserve you, he needs to learn that you make sacrifices for people you love. Sry, just read the additional I would say tell his wife to F*** her religion, and have a divorce, and ask him if he really wants to pay child support. Make sure that he is the guy, otherwise your ruining another girl's life possibly.

Answer 5

Why would you even want him back after this ? Get on with your life and stop talking to him. Old lovers usually don't make good friends and there is no reason for you to continue to talk to him, especially if he keeps telling you he cares for you and refuses to get a divorce. What future could you possible have now with this guy if he can't get a divorce ? NONE !

Answer 6

I think he's sick. He wants to have both of you. If you want a loving, healthy relationship with a man, you'd better move on. Tell him you don't want any contact with him any more, that he's made a decision already to marry another woman and he should leave you alone. Then change your phone numbers. You deserve to have a husband who loves you, exclusively. If you are serious, he'll respect your decision and he will go on with his life.

Answer 7

Build a bridge and get over him. It's his own fault that he's "stuck with her" as you say. After all he dumped you so he thought he loved your friend more than you. Forget about him and find someone who doesn't abandon you and then want to take you back when he realizes that he made a mistake. You'd be dumb to cling to someone who left you like a piece of trash.

Answer 8

Well i think you should let him be with his wife....he might love you but he's married and he would of made up his mind a long time ago...when he first decided to leave you....so it sounds to me like he's confusing you, or i should say playing to much with ur head....just let him be and i guess find someone else who wont leave you and marry someone else and then ask for you back...:)

Answer 9

You have been taken for a ride! You have to be careful with people you met online as many are not genuine. The mutual friend could be his friend helping him to get rid of you and to end this "relationship" with you is the best to tell you that he has married her. He has "used" and has "enough of fun" with you so he just wanted to end it in a natural way so that you will not lodge a report against him.

Answer 10

Your question is sooo confusing it gave me a headache.. If he wanted to be with someone else so be it, just don't look back.

Answer 11

It sounds to me like he doesn't know what he wants. He might even have a commitment problem. Yes he did commit, but look where that ended up. If I were you, count your losses, wish him well, and move on.