I need your opinion-- was what this lady said acceptable?

Question

Last week, I was at the mall. I was looking for a new bathing suit. I went into the GAP, and was looking at some. This lady next to me-- she was probably around 30, I don't know, was looking at them, too. She was on her cell phone discussing the bathing suits with her friend-- some female. She was looking for a bathing suit for her husband, apparently. She picked out this purple, Hawaiian print (flowers), one and said to her friend "I don't know if he would like this-- it's kind of gay looking, I don't know.."
She then looked at me and said "Is this bathing suit gay?" I thought that was a funny word choice for a grown woman. I responded "Yeah, a little bit..". She told her friend "Yeah, this guy next to me thinks it's gay!".
She then asked me if 15 other bathing suits were "gay".
I was so close to saying "You know, I am gay. People can be gay. Bathing suits can't be gay.", just to see her reaction.
I'm not gay, but what she was saying bothered me.

Does anyone kind of agree?

Ok, I wasn't 'offended'... but just think about it, if she asked a gay guy, he would have been.
I would understand it more if this lady was a teenager, but she was at least 30 years old.
I just didn't know that grown adults used slang like that.
I would NEVER ask someone if something was gay, if I didn't know that they would find it funny or understand that I meant "gay" in an undesirable sense.

Answer 1

She was veri insencitiv horny. Yu shooda slaped er.

Answer 2

Yeah, it's rude, but she is clearly ignorant and with ignorant people you really need to pick your battles. Often, you'll get a better response talking to a wall than an ignorant person, so I think no matter what you would have said, she would have just dismissed you and thought she was right. If you would have said you were gay (true or not), she probably would have walked off and laughed and said to her friend "Oh my god, so this guy I kept asking about the bathing suits, if they were gay, HE WAS GAY!! Ha ha, can you believe it?" And it probably would have been some retarded story she would have gone around telling all of her ignorant friends and they would all laugh and not get anything out of it. So, long story short, I don't think it would have made any difference what you said to her, unless it would have made you feel a little better-People like that never get it.

Answer 3

When I was young, gay meant happy. Then, along came the crowd who thought homosexuals were gay -- that one stuck. Only a few months ago, I heard my teenage son say something about an item or an action by someone being gay. It didn't sound like he was complimenting, nor did it sound like he was calling anybody homosexual.

For anybody to use that expression the way the lady did seems odd to me.

But, legally, it's acceptable by the Bill of Rights. We have the freedom of speech. And if the hippies (and others of us in the '60s) could call it groovy when we felt good (and I heard plenty of 30-somethings and even 40-somethings using that word sometimes), then someone who is 30 can certainly use the word gay to describe something that doesn't meet expectations. Do you happen to know if she was talking to her teenage daughter at the time? Perhaps the person on the other end was used to using such vernacular.

If slang can be used by the young, slang can be used by anybody who has the wherewithal to speak.

Lynn

Answer 4

Unfortunately, the word gay has become slang about things looking "dorky" even though that is not the definition in the dictionary. I would assume she wasn't meaning to offend gay people however someday she will and I hope they stand up to her and make her think twice before misusing the word again! If it bothered you then it was not acceptable since she was speaking to you. However, since you didn't tell her that it bothered you, you can't fault her for continuing to use it.

Also, telling her a lie to make your point isn't right, either. You should just tell her that you do not feel comfortable in a conversation that misuses that word. That would get the point across better because she will know she is offending heterosexual people as well.

Answer 5

She should have been more sensitive, but let's face it the gay community has kind of embraced that whole effeminate image. Gay doesn't just mean "has sex with men" it also has a slang meaning of "overly effeminate". Just like when you are looking at a leather coat and someone says that is too "biker" for you. They are not suggesting it would cause you to ride motorcycles. Effeminate is not a common word in English, and we ladies need a gentle and amusing way to tell our gents that the Hot pink polka dot suit with matching tie makes them look like a hooker. We should try to do it without insulting people though.

Next time, say "That question makes me a little uncomfortable, I am gay myself." THEN if they still act like that walk away, they are not nice people. Otherwise assume she would have apologised if she knew, since she never got the chance to make that decision.

Answer 6

I know what you mean...but perhaps she was using the term in the context of the meaning "lame" or "dumb" rather than "homosexual" or "feminine".
There are several things that came to mind that would have been funny to say to her:
When she asked "Is this bathing suit gay?", you could have answered:
1."It doesn't look overtly happy to me, but maybe it hides its emotions better than most".
2. "Well, I'm gay but I wouldn't sleep with it!"
3. "I don't know, let's go ask that fag hag over there. They have Gay-Dar you know!"
4. "Why don't you let your husband be the judge...If he likes it he's gay, if he doesn't he's homophobic"

Well, I guess the point I am making is that people aren't always aware that they are saying hurtful things...even if it seems so obvious to us. By letting them know they are treading on thin ice in a gentle or humorous manner is both compassionate and humane. On the other hand, when someone is being deliberately hurtful or insensitive, they deserve what they get.

Answer 7

I agree! It was really rude of her to ask that of a total stranger, especially since 1) bathing suits themselves can't be gay, as you stated, and 2) the way she was asking made it clear that she thinks "gay" is a bad thing.

Good for you for being a socially conscious person and feeling uncomfortable when someone incorrectly used the word "gay"!

Answer 8

Well first ask yourself exactly what is gay? We are not born that way.(despite popular opinions). God himself destroyed 2 civilizations of societies that showed those tendencies. And what does sexual prefernce have to do with acting ordinary otherwise. Now i do believe that because of hormones males have female tendencies and females male tendencies. But these actual casses are few and far between and caused by diet and drug use at birth or during pregnancy. Is it gay for a man to like the color pink? Is it gay for a woman to attempt to drive race cars? I would expect that your young...and not very experienced in life itself..Education is a wonderful thing. Sex is a act of procreation or a difference in spicies not an individuals choice on the way they want to act!

Answer 9

Yes, I agree. Gay should be used for people .
You must understand that some people try to be cool and that saying went out when I was 50.

Gay is who you are. Always assert yourself with a smile-I always thought gay people were nicer than most straight people.
Shine dear- the world will never catch up 100%

Answer 10

I totally agree w/ you!! She should have used the word "feminine" looking instead of "gay". You are right in saying that the word "gay" pertains to human beings, not inanimate objects, in this case clothes. You should have said what you were gonna say to her, then she probably would have realized how ignorant she is. I have friends who are "gay", both men & women, but I believe in LIVE & LET LIVE!! As long as they 're living within their own space & time, then leave them alone!! If they try to enter MY space, or disrespect my choices - then HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!
Hey, another thought just occurred to me.....maybe SHE was gay and was choosing a "butch-type, pseudo-femininine" swim suit for her "friend" on the phone - LOL:)
Hey, don't let another's ignorance bother you, by the time they pull their head out of their a-s-s, it's gonna be too late!!

Answer 11

I don't just kind of agree, I totally agree! Just yesterday, a coworker told me in the breakroom that she was so disgusted by her last place of employment that she quit. What they had done, apparently was hold a celebration for two female employees who had gotten married. She said she couldn't celebrate for "those people" because their vows were not valid. She said all this assuming I would agree. I did not. "OMG are you gay!?" She asked me. I told her I wasn't but that I had friends who were and that I believed their feelings were valid. Then, this moron student trainee, butted into our conversation and said "Manson's feelings were real too." As if to say that if I accept gay people as valid, then I accept Manson's beliefs?! I was speechless! They then continued the conversation, on their own, saying that being gay was like an addiction or a fetish and that "they" couldn't help themselves! I finally got a hold of myself and said "Are you saying that being gay is comparable to being a murderous drug addict?"