Any good blonde jokes????

Question

I'm a blonde and I just like to hear them.

Answer 1

The Interview


Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.

Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you?
Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

The second blonde said, "Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but... "He flashed the
photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The third blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

Answer 2

Q: Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?
A: In case she had to draw blood!

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

A blonde saw a "¿" on her computer screen and asked another blonde,
"How do you do that?" She responded . . .
"Simple, turn the keyboard upside down!"

Answer 3

Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.

Q: Why did the blonde have square ****?
A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Answer 4

A red head, a brunette and a blonde were all killed in a traffic accident. Upon arriving at the gates to heaven St Peter explains to them the procedure. You see there are 100 steps. As you hit each step you will hear a joke. The object is to make it to the 100th step without laughing.
The red head gets to the fifth step and breaks out in laughter. Immediately a trapdoor opens and she is gone. The brunette gets to the 20th step and the same thing happens to her. The blonde gets to the 100th step, walks off and breaks out in laughter. Saint Peter asks her "So blondie what is so funny?" the blonde replies "I just got the first joke".

Answer 5

Two blondes each standing on opposite sides of a river. One hollers to the other, " How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde responds, "You ARE on the other side!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A brunette is walking on the tracks saying "21- 21- 21-21-21-21" Blonde walks up to her and says, " what are you doing, why are you saying 21-21-21-21-21?" she does not answer and a train comes along the brunette steps off and the blonde gets hit by the train. The brunette gets back on the tracks and says, " 22-22-22-22-22-22-22"
.......................................................................................................
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Answer 6

Linda Burnett, 23, went to a nearby
supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her
car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both
hands behind the back
of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and
walked over to her car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and
she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay. Linda replied
that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her
brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke
into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove
her hands from her head.When they finally got in, they found that Linda
had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit
canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded
like a gun shot and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and
thought it was her brains. She had initially passed out, but quickly
re-covered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone
noticed and came to her aid.

And yes, Linda is a blonde.

Answer 7

To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude but fell asleep and burned his penis.

Not wanting to miss out on his date with the hot blonde, he applied some ointment to his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up at his apartment and after dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused.

A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate relief.

The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his shaft fully immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you load those things!"

Answer 8

so this blonde goes into a store and tries to buy a tv, but the owner looks at her and says: sry mam we dont serve blondes. she goes in the next day with a brown wig, and asks for the tv again. the owner says: sry mam we dont serve blondes. she does the same thing only this time with a black wig the owner says: sry mam we dont serve blondes. she looks at him and goes: how the f*&% do u no im blonde? and he looks ater and says, yeah thatd be a microwave...
not too good, but a joke is a joke i guess

Answer 9

Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Answer 10

A blonde is driving her five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the mother yells. A moment later she realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face her son. "Your mother just said a bad word," she says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" Her son looks at her and says: "Too late, douchebag."