Help me my sons driving me mad?

Question

Help. I have a three year old little boy who upto about three weeks ago was really good, always used his manners and never gave an ounce of cheek. the all of a sudden he has gone evil. (may have started on 06.06.06) He hardly ever says please or thankyou any more and i constantly remind him, questions everything i say no to, refuses to do what i tell him. I put him in timeout which he doesnt seem to care about but then decides hes going to try his best to kick the door down. he has a stutter which he is going to see speech therapy about in a couple of weeks but over the last few weeks it's gone really bad. He doesnt have sweets only when he is at a party so i know its not all those E's they put in food today. Please help im at the end of my tether!!!!!!

Answer 1

He's doing what all toddlers do, finding he has a voice and exerting his right to use it.

The terrible twos last more than a year you know... it's not a set time, it doesn't only happen when they turn two, that age is merely a guide.

The stutter tells me he is unhappy about something, and if you shout at him... or he feels your frustration, it will make him worse.

Are you having problems of your own that are rebounding onto him? Children pick up from our emotions all the time, just as animals do.

I suggest you spend some time just cuddling him, reading to him, playing games with him, taking him for nice long walks to feed the ducks etc. And never mind the therapy, it's his mum's input that he needs.

If a child refuses to say please, then put away whatever he was wanting, until he asks you nicely for it, but don't make a big deal out of it.

Take him to his room and leave him there and walk away when he throws a tantrum and if he follows you, without saying a word, pick him up, screaming and kicking as he is, and take him back.

Keep doing this however many tantrums he throws, until he realises he will not make you angry, nor make you conform. Your silence and firmness will soon make him realise, that unless he stops, he wont get what he wants.

And if he refuses to say thank you, if he snatches, then take it back and put it out of reach. Walk into another room and occupy yourself. You do not hear, nor see, bad behaviour. If you can stand loud music, pop stars screaming, you can stand your child's shouts and screams of temper!

Kids hate to be ignored, they conform only when we do not afford them the upper hand.

I've dealt with children all my life, since caring for my siblings from the age of ten. I've had six of my own and I was a nanny and ran youth groups and Sunday Schools, and had endless kids inside my home across the years. I've never yet met one yet I couldn't tame! Other mum's used to bring them to me to be sorted out, and sort them out I did.

I've recently sorted out two gangs of kids on this estate that other people dare not approach, aged eight to twenty, and I'm still walking thus far.

They all say hi when they see me. Shout my name. I had the bully in one gang crying like a baby in his father's arms, because I told him off!! His dad shook my hand!

Children are intelligent, they understand calm, straight, firm, but fair discussion and instruction.

My granddaughter had my daughter in a state, just like you, when she was young.

She'd scream and scream and kick at her. One day she had her in tears in my presence and I just picked her up and took her out of her mother's sight, refusing to let her go, and she bruised me too. But I held her hands in mine firmly, no matter how she squirmed I wouldn't let her get away, and run back to her mum.

I let her scream right in my ears, as much as she wanted to. And in between her breathes, I quietly told her that, she did not do this in my presence, that she would not go back into her mum, until she was quiet.

And I talked quietly in her ear, about how this upset her mum, and how much her mother loved her and how unkind she was being. And how nice it would be, if she was a good girl, polite and thoughtful, like her mummy was to her. How proud we'd all be of her.

It took three outbursts on that first occasion in my home. Three times I just scooped her up and took her into my bedroom and repeated the same pattern. The next time that it happened, in my home, I did it all again, and it took two tantrums. Then, it never happened again, in either of our homes. And that child adored me and I her.

All my daughter had to say to stop an outburst in her home was, "I'll fetch Grandma."

Have you got a mum? Then rope her in as reinforcement and whatever happens, if you ask her help, this woman who raised you, then don't go running in when she is holding a screaming child at bay.

Half your problem may be that you are giving off mixed messages. It could be that you hug, spoil, expect, demand, shout, cry... and there is no set of rules for your son to understand.

Your moods may be creating the havoc he creates. Don't show all your emotions quite so freely in front of him.

If he sees you're lost, distressed, unhappy, or feeling trapped, you signal him to take control.

In parenting, there is but one rule, tough love... you have to show that you are in control, always, that you are the parent, not the child. And the child needs to know you are!

You'd be amazed how safe and secure he'll feel once he does know this, and how eager he will be to please you too.

A together mum, is a mum he can turn to, respect, like and love and obey!

Oh... and I totally disagree with sitting children on a naughty step... don't listen to the 'experts' listen to your instinct, you're his mother!

Sadly, your generation remain the children for far too long today and find it very hard to be the parent, especially when the going gets tough.

All parenting is tough and it gets worse, not better, cos if you think this is bad, wait until he's in his teens!

I had five children by twenty-four and a late one at thirty-eight. I found it easier with five, and youth, than with one in my late thirties. Yet I had more patience and more experience and I taught him more, I educated him at home for sixteen years. He has AS. He's out in the world living his own life today, but brother was he hyper active.

We grew up much faster when it came to parenting skills in my day!

To be honest, your generation needs to grow up fast and let your children be the kids!

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Answer 2

Three can be a challenge. I always thought it was the terrible two's. It should really be the terrible threes. Your son is doing what is normal for his age. The date was 06-06-2006. That has nothing to do with his behavior. It is because he is exploring his world. I once heard that some Indian tribes do not have stuttering because they do not have a word for it. Please do not use that word around him, it will only make the problem worse. Give him lots of time to talk and do not talk or interrupt when he is talking. Love him and he will be a wonderful four year old. Plant some "seeds" in his thoughts and tell him that you are being nice to him now so that he will be nice to you when he is a teenager...

Answer 3

Yikes!!! I felt a touch of post-traumatic stress syndrome when I read your question! My daughter was a perfect angel until around 18 months of age. That is when she became possessed by Satan. The temper tantrums lasted about a year and 1/2, then passed. (She always seemed to have them when she was being put in her car seat, so I had to physically restrain her many times.) Then there was the in-your-face whining, complaining, and constant talking. (I've always maintained that she could be useful in the military to get secrets from the enemy. Just put 'em in a room with her for a few minutes!) I'm still dealing with this to some extent, and she will be seven in Sept. But despite it all, I love her very much (for those of you who are thinking I'm a heartless b*tch). All I can say is be patient and ride it out. This too shall pass...

Answer 4

Hi, welcome to my world....lol. I would take it that you child has started nursery or some thing. My child was exactly the same at that age. The time out method only worked if he was in the same room as me, other wise he would get up and wander. I used the bottom of the stairs as the time out zone. I also went all through the e numbers and found that they did not make any difference. The art is patience on your part, and repeating the same thing over and over until he does it. If he doesn't say please then he doesn't get it. I found once i sorted my self out the rest followed. It will get worse before it gets better. The hardest bit is not shouting at the child, just use your tone of voice. Good Luck

Answer 5

Always be consistent and firm, but constantly show him love and affection, he may just be wanting some extra attention. Definitely don't let him use you for a doormat or punching bag. Time out is pretty much worthless. Cut out his tv and movie watching, also if he has them cut out the video games. Just educational games and nothing more. The stuttering will probably pass when he goes thru his stage of evil. Just be patient and try not to show how upset you are and you will get more out of him than you can imagine.

Answer 6

Ignore any requests until he says please. Take something from him if he doesn't say thank you. Put him in a crib or fenced in are with no toys, TV, or activity around when he's bad for five minutes. A smack on the thigh won't hurt him too much, either. Builds character. Or, do the same thing to him he does to you. Reverse phsycology. Once he realizes what frusterates you and just how frusterating it is, he'll stop.

Answer 7

Years ago I read Dobson's, "Dare to Discipline" book really helped me.

Just remember when you threaten a punishment you have to follow thru! Best thing that worked for me was counting backwards from 5 or 10 to zero. Even 3yr olds know when time is running out. Remember when you get to zero you HAVE to get up & take care of it. Worked so well for my first two used this tecnique with my two future children.

...this too shall pass ~

P.S. There's no such thing as the terrible two's!!
It's. . .the terrible two's. . the terrible three's.. and four's, five's . .

Answer 8

Watch some episodes of Supernanny (I think that's the name of the show). Anyway, Jo is the nanny. Her methods are effective for non-spanking households.

As for me, I like to establish that I am the boss, and once you clearly lay down the guidelines for appropriate and inappropriate behavior, punish the inappropriate behavior CONSISTENTLY with spankings. Either way, make sure the child knows exactly why he is being punished, and make him apologize to you for the inappropriate behavior. Your child will initially rebel very hard; but very soon, you will start to see improvement in his behavior (if you are consistent).

Are you a single mom???

Answer 9

sorry to say it but its the age, my daughter is 4 and went through it as well, the only way i handled it, was to ignore her when she had a tantrum, carried on cooking or ironing, without paying any attention whatsoever, after a bit the little angel reappeared.

With the not saying please or thank you, basically the same thing, for example if your sitting down eating and he can't reach his water... give me my water, you respond, pardon what the magic word, if he doesn't say please carrying on eating totally ignoring him, if he doesn't eat don't worry, a day without food wont kill him. In the end the little angel will appear, and then he will be 4, 5, 6, ,,14, 15 oh god................. good luck

Answer 10

I am experiencing the same thing with my daughter, she has become less and less responsive to anything told to her and has become increasingly defiant.

After speaking with her daycare provider we identified she is picking up the habits she sees the other toddlers acting out, including the 2 year olds.

I would look at your child's daycare environment to see if this is what is happening, if he is not in daycare observe his day to day activities to spot anything that has changed or anything new he is being exposed to (including TV programs). Change can be very traumatizing to a toddler even the smallest thing we would think would not matter.

I wish you luck ;)

Answer 11

sounds to me like a late bout of the terrible two's. Have been looking into this recently and scientists have discovered a chemical that is released in the brain of young children that makes them loss control of there actions resulting in temper tantrums and misbehaviour. it will blow over you should think yourself lucky its only starting now my sons 21 months and have been dealing with tempers since he was six months old. just try to grin and bear it you should also try to have a rewards system so if hes polite he gets a star etc.