do you think mother in laws should phone before visiting or just turn up unannounced?

Question

mother in law refuses to call ahead. has caused arguments and fall outs

My wife would like my parents to call before turning up at the door. I agreed with my wife and asked my parents to accomodate this request. My parents said NO to this request. The situation deteriorated and now we do not speak at all with my parents. 3 Months now passed. Tried to patch things up last week but still no joy. Any body think this is a stupid situation to be in?.

Answer 1

it depends on how close you are with your mother in law. I was very close to my mother in law so she never called. and we did not call when we where coming over. I would do anything to see her again. I miss my mother in law, she was like my mother, much better than my own mother. we where like mother-daughter.

Answer 2

Some in-laws get along so great they don't need to phone.
You obviously don't have one of those relationships, sorry.
She probably feels like she is family so you won't mind, she would expect you to show up unannounced too (but you probably don't do that). She also probably feels a little entitlement because it is her family (I assume her son and maybe grandchildren) so she has a right to see them whenever she wants.
If it is causing a problem tell her you would like a phone call before she just drops in. That way you can be ready, and more welcoming of her than if she catches you at a bad time. It is your house and your life and you are allowed to ask for a little common courtesy.
Just tell her to call on her way or if she thinks she even might stop by, just to give you a little warning.
Don't blame her or make her feel stupid about it...it may have been something her in-laws did to her and she thinks it is natural. But it is a big bother to you so you just need to tell her that she is still welcome to come over whenever she wants, she just has to call first.
Then everytime she does call make sure you say thank you! And say it a lot so she hears it and realizes how much you appreciate it. If you can try to have tea or coffee already made for when she gets there as a little reward for calling (at least in the beginning then you can stop doing this when it is a habit) or have your kids make her a little card or something real quick for when she gets there...that way she will want to call.
Don't make too big of a deal out of it...if she likes to get to you then she will just stick more firmly to her position that she is allowed to drop in whenever she wants jsut to annoy you.
Smother them with kindness...and honestly, if this is the worst thing she does consider yourself lucky.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

Who are the arguments and fall outs with - your husband or your mother-in-law?
Either way, you've got problems. Either your husband isn't sticking up for you or your mother in law is being deliberately obstructive in your relationship.
Take a stand - tell your mother-in-law that you want her to phone beforehand. If she won't, it makes no difference what you say. She's not listening ... - so refuse to answer the door or go out. Say, sorry, too busy to chat right now.
If it's your husband - well, be a bit sympathetic. Not too much.

Answer 4

She should not be dropping over without calling you first.

Used to have that problem with my father in law and I will tell you how I solved it without an argument.

The next time he came over without calling first we did not answer the door. He could tell we were home because the car was in the driveway. When he called the the house we didn't answer the telephone and let it go to voice mail. We called him several hours later and he was angry that we did not come to the door. My answer to him was I asked you repeatedly to call before you came over and since you did we were in the middle of something and therefore did not answer the door. I have been married for 24 years and IT HAS NEVER HAPPENDED AGAIN!!!


all the best to you

Answer 5

My thoughts are they should expect to see what they might not want to see. If they do not like the way that you are dressed, the state of the house etc they should call. When I was married, I would have both sets of parents drop by unexpected. One time, while I was recovering from a reputed appendix, my father in law walked in while I was watching the Playboy channel. I have had parents walk in to the house while we were busy in the bedroom. My parents would just announce themselves and we would finish up quickly and get dressed to visit.

Answer 6

I hate it when people do that too, but it's a little different when it's your mother-in-law. If she is really close to your wife or husband then, technically, it's OK that she comes over unannounced. That's just what close families do, no matter how much it pisses you off. If you want to be really spiteful- every time she comes over unannounced, just leave the house for awhile. Hopefully she will get the hint.

Answer 7

Nobody should turn up unannounced, it is pure bad manners. Not even close family have the right to do this and most have the sense to call and arrange first. I'm not suprised it has caused arguments and fall outs. Have you tried all sitting down together and you putting your feelings across. Has your spouse supported you - this is a big factor!!???
Poor you - sounds like a real pain.

Answer 8

Moms-in-law should phone ahead for sure! I mean, it's not like people don't have cell phones these days. If you have asked her to call first and she persists in showing up unannounced, try answering the door topless or nude next time. I guarantee that'll make her think about it at least.

Answer 9

There's no difference in breaking an animal or a human being from bad habits. Do NOT reward their bad behavior!!!! The next time she shows up unannounced, DO NOT LET HER IN!!!!! I am assuming that you have already delivered this message, loud and clear on more than one occasion, and that she is simply ignoring it. Now, it's your turn to ignore her. I know it sounds harsh & tough, but unless you do this, it will never stop!!! Think about it.

Answer 10

D. not one of the above. i flow with this one - because of the fact first of all- MIL would not be coming unannounced! no longer into my homestead for a 2 week flow to. besides the fact that if it grow to be an emergency - she could desire to call and ASK if she could desire to stay with me and her son - there could be it sluggish to grant me a heads-up. we could have some form of word. Now - the dogs chunk - why did pup chunk her? What grow to be her section interior the situation? i would not placed my dogs down. you have given the dogs its pictures - suitable? that's time to tell mom-in-regulation "reliable-bye" and placed across your place lower back so as.

Answer 11

I think that they should call, for respect towards family, because maybe the family has a previously arranged plan, or just because sometimes people don´t are in mood to see their mothers in law.