I need help dealing with my 12 year old daughters attitude?

Question

my daughter is 11 she will be 12 in novmber she is the oldest of 4 i was 18 when i had her her attitude is out of control she has know respect for adults or her brother and sisters i have tried everything from grounding to spending time just me and her nothing is working so if anyone could give me new ideas iam willing to try almost anything thanks

Answer 1

Hi there you poor Mom.... I am guessing she tells you what she is going to do and how she can do whatever she want's and you can't touch her because she can call the cops kind of girl??First of all unless she has mental issues ,I would tell her that you are allowed by law to spank her *** as much as you want as long as you do not leave bruises or cuts( I have known of kids that give themselves injuries just to say thier parents did it!) Then if you are not a "spanking kind of parent"now is a good time to be one! You may try reasoning w/her if she is not too far out of control by giving her choices so that she can learn that her actions will produce reactions, You may check into a boot camp and let her know that is the next step. Teens these days do not have respect because they feel they are invincable,they see thier peers getting away with everything.I had alot of trouble with my daughter when she was 16 ,she would spit in my face and go wherever she wanted to go and I finally tried to spank her and grounding,taking things away to no avail,then I threatened w/ bootcamp,I thought it helped but nope,so I started taking her myself to visit jails,hospitals and even had her sit in on rape support groups w/casa.At the hospital she saw Aids patients.girls who were raped and beaten and then to the police station.They have officers who WILL take the time to talk with teens to give them a dose of reality.She met a girl at a support group who told her she was LUCKY to have a home and parents who cared because she ran away because her parents were too strict"""And she went to a party where these guys drugged her and gangraped her!!With a dose of reality she calmed wayyyy down and we became friends and there was a whole new respect!!!!! It is HARD to raise kids these days and if you have to bootcamp is a BIG help!They will act like they hate you to begin with and it's sooo hard to watch but in the long run they will love you for it!!! Good luck!!!!!!

Answer 2

Without knowing if Dad is in the picture --it sounds like maybe she has been allowed to be more of a friend to you and that relationship has gone south--the older she gets the less she wants a friend trying to run her life---the reason I say this is because you were young when you had her not allot of age difference --she may have been allowed to listen to adult conversations etc. and so even tho she wasn't included she also wasn't asked to go out and play so when felt included ..like she was grownup enough to hear--so now again that she is older she feels part of the adult world and not as respectful but more so as and equal and there again doesn't like being told what to do or how to act--Kids grow up so fast these days --she may have some anger problems that a councillor could find that you haven't seen or picked up on ..just a thought
When my daughter was that age it started and just got worse--not towards all adults so much just to me---
God Bless you on the road to teens its not a pretty one but you will survive

Answer 3

Hi, well you would need several things.

1. Why does she act that way? is it the people she hangs out with? is it for attention? is it to affirm herself? etc.

2. Set out rules and be clear on the consequences. Try a combination of spankings, timeout, and writing 1000 word essays.

3. Maybe she's the victim of abuse, find out, dont even trust the babysitters, nor ur own parents. You never know. She will not talk directly cuz abusers are 1/2 *** decent manipulators so dont believe what she says. Don't even trust ur bf/husband.

4. If its due to the neighborhood, ponder moving, if ur job can arrange that for you.

5. Thats jsut a few ideas.

Answer 4

These are going to be tough years ahead for you...just make sure she knows right from wrong and that you monitor who she hangs out with and if she is allowed to go anywhere, mall, movies, friends house that she is to understand if she doesn't go where she says she is , she is in big trouble...basically cover all possible basis of getting into trouble...and when she does, because they sometimes need to learn the hard way...support her...let her suffer the consequences of her actions....and simply let her know, if she is not willing to listen to you then your mistakes will allow others to pose penalties on her that are out of her hands...kids think mom/dad will get them out of everything...fact is...there comes a time when they mess up badly...we can't...just do what you can and love her regardless.

Answer 5

Counseling before it get's worse. My neighbor's son had a horrible attitude...they finally had no choice but to put him in a boarding school.

Do this, find a boarding school, take her there and threaten her with it. Tough love is hard...but sometimes we must implement it before we find out the hard way that we raised horrible children.

Much love & good luck.

Answer 6

stop the grounding, it's time to treat here more like an adult. Keep spending time with her no matter what she does. Have very adult conversations about her attitude & let her know how it makes you feel without making it sound like your attacking her. And abouve all no matter how far away she pushes you, keep her close, it will take time.

Answer 7

Get her into counseling with a qualified therapist now before it gets worse. There may be a lot of underlying issues she is dealing with and does not even know how to express them. Family therapy as well will help. Do it now before she becomes a teenager and things get much much worse.

Answer 8

To change her attitude, put all of her accesories and needs into a basket. ( such as nail polish, razor- it's unbelievable how much they beg you for this) and tell them every week that your attitude changes you will get 1 item of your choice back, believe me, her attitude will be changed once she gets everything back, if it doesn't work, do it again. and take ANY item you want. Make-up will work also

Answer 9

I have a 12yr old also, but she is an only child and we use a point system. It's like being grounded but you earn back you privileges
if you want to know more i m me or e-mail me

Answer 10

all she need is a good ol' beat down, or maybe you just need to dit down and let ther know whats u. Let her know that your the adult and she's not because if you dont take care of it now when she gets older its going to be ridiculously in controllable.