blonde jokes?

Question

does anyone know any good blonde jokes any jokes are fine but i like blonde jokes best

anybody i don't have much more time

Answer 1

The Interview


Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.

Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you?
Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

The second blonde said, "Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but... "He flashed the
photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The third blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

Answer 2

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo!!! Can you see Florida......?????"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

There' s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!"...... "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So w hat? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each
other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot!
You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A blonde girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, " Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde.
"They're watch dogs!"

Answer 3

A blonde and brunette are in an elevator.

On the 3rd floor, a manager gets on who's perfect: 3 piece suit great build and nice butt. The bad part is they both notice he has dandruff.

The man got off on the 5th floor. Once the doors closed, the brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Someone should give him Head and Shoulders".

To which the blonde replied, "How do you give Shoulders?"

Answer 4

1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

2.Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.

4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

7. When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C"

8. Burnt her nose bobbing for French fries.

9. Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.

11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.

12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.

Answer 5

A blonde was driving the wrong way down a two lane road. She was stopped by a police officer. He asked the blonde "Ma'am, just where do you think you're going?" She replied, "I don't think I'm going anymore because everyone else seems to be coming back!" LOL... no offense to any blondes. I don't think they're dumb, I just thought the joke was funny! Hope you like it!

Answer 6

A blonde,brunette,and a red head bought a can of coca cola light"1calorie". They brought 3 cups a poured the can equally in them.The blonde starts observing the 3 cups and finally sais"Which on do u think has the calorie?"

Answer 7

well i am blonde and i love blonde jokes .my personal favorites is a short one why do u give a blonde an electric lawn mower to use?
so she can find her way back to the house
how does a blonde turn on the light after sex?

opens the car door

Answer 8

Why did the blond climb over the glass wall?

To see what was on the other side


A man came in to his living room to find his blond wife searching for something... He asked her what she was doing and she said looking for the hidden cameras. He asked why she thought ther e were hidden cameras... she said because they know what im doing...every once in a while the guy says you are watching MTV.

Answer 9

a blond is on an airplane reading the news paper and starts sobbing hysterically. the guy next to her asks whats wrong. She shows him the headline in the paper and says this!!! "twelve Brazilian soldiers die in terrorist bombing." The man says well I guess that's getting to be a daily occurrence anymore. The blond says "yea i guess.........but how many are in a Brazilian anyway?

Answer 10

There is a man who does ventriloquism. One day, he tells blonde jokes as his act. After the show, a blonde comes up to the man and says, "I really don't apreciate those jokes. That's being prejudice."
Feeling embarassed, he tries to apologize. "I'm not talking to you!" the blonde says, "I'm talking to that wise guy on your knee"

;-)