I have a twelve year old daughter who refuses to clean her room should i keep trying or what?

Question

she has mentioned that im not the one living in there and i should care less about her room and worry about other chores for her

Answer 1

I would look at it this way, are you the one sleeping in there? Can you close the door to the mess when you have company come over? Do you have to bring friends home to the mess?

I would correct the problem by doing one of the following
A) I would tell her that she can keep the room as messy as she wants it, but you want her to have a path from the bed to the window and one to the door in case of fire.
or
B) I would slack off on working in the rest of the house making it look like her room, then invite some of her friends over. She is likely to get embarrassed by the mess in the house. After her friends leave I would ask herr if she learned a lesson.

Answer 2

How important is it, REALLY, that her room be clean? Mom, you should pick your battles and this one doesn't seem important enough to make a hassle about. Tell her she can keep her room messy, but she isn't allowed to leave food or dirty dishes in there that could attract ants/bugs/rodents. If she violates that rule, tell her what the consequence will be and enforce it. However, if its just a messy, cluttered room, then let her live in it.

She is old enough to be doing her own laundry by now, but if she isn't then tell her you'll wash her laundry when she brings it to the laundry room (i.e. you're not going into her room to fish out the dirty clothes). If she doesn't do it, the logical consequence is that she'll have no clean clothes. That is HER responsiblility, not yours.

Bottom line is that you will have many more serious issues to make a fuss over in the next 6 years or so, so make sure the ones you make a fuss over now are the ones that count (smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, grades, lying, etc.) Any kid that hears her mom nag about every little thing is very quickly going to tune her out and she'll stop listening to you period.

Answer 3

Leave her room alone, my daughters are both the same way, clothes on the floor, dresser, etc.
I close my eyes and let it go. When they have friends over and there is no room to sit or dance, even some of the faces the girlfriends make thinking the room is alittle to messy, than she realizes that something has to be done. When they can't find that favorite shirt because it's buried under some other clothes do not go and help her find it she'll start to realize that the drawers and closet aren't such a bad idea after all. Raising children takes alot of prayers and alittle tears.!

Answer 4

I'll tell you what my mother did to me when I wouldn't keep my room clean when I was that age. I went to school one morning with my room a TOTAL disaster area. I come home to NOTHING on the floor. The reason that there was nothing on the floor is because it just happened to be trash day, and all of the things that were on the floor went into the garbage and away it went. Needless to say, I kept it up after that.
Your daughter has to learn that there are consequences to her actions. While she is right, she is the only one "living" in the filth, it is your house. You, as a parent, have to teach her to respect others property. Right now she is disrespecting your property and she needs to be taught a lesson.
If you think that throwing her things away is too harsh, then just pretend to throw them away. bag it up and put it in the garage or something until she realizes that you mean business.

Answer 5

M brother was the messiest person in the world. My moms solution was that as long as he kept the mess in his room and did his other chores around the house she let him be messy. Believe me is was disgusting. However...now he is an adult with an apartment of his own and his place is so clean! Don't give up on teaching her to keep the place clean but on the other hand if it is just in her room shut the door!

Answer 6

This is an easy solution. Take her door off her room. No privacy, no nothing. If she wants it back, keep her room clean for a week then give it back. If her room starts getting messy again, warn her to clean it or the door comes off again. Tell her the floor is not a low shelf. I use to tell my mom that its an organized mess. All the clothes I wear are on the floor. If I need them I wash them. Thought I was smart until my clothes went missing. lol

Answer 7

Do what Dr. Phil does.... he empties out the room of everything except their mattress. If they want anything, they have to ask and if their behavior (whether it be cleaning a room, treating a sibling nicely, treating you with respect, following boundaries, etc.) changes, then things slowly move back into the room. He also takes away priviledges, ie. PS2, phone calls, visitors, etc.

2nd Suggestion: I use to keep my house clean when I lived at home and my sisters never cleaned up. I warned them to keep things clean and if they didn't I'd throw stuff away. It took me throwing one thing away and after that (and almost getting into a fist-fight with my sister) they never left anything out. Try either and see what happens.

Answer 8

WELCOME TO PRETEEN HOOD

Instead of fighting about it go clean it yourself BUT take everything you pick up and put it in a trash bag tell her you threw it out and that everytime YOU have to clean her room it will be cleaned the same way trust me my 12yr old daughter has no learned that i had better be able to get in there and put clothes away or what ever it is i need to do or I will clean her room after she starts cleaning it on her own give her the things back you "THREW" away.

Answer 9

You may not have to live in her room all day, but you are still her mom, and as long as you feed her and provide for her, she should abide by your rules. Take away her CD player or something. But Above all else, DO NOT clean the room for her. She has to learn that parents are to be respected.

Answer 10

it is your position; you enable her stay there. in case you want it sparkling, then make her sparkling it. She has to study that there'll continually be someone telling her what to do, even if she likes it or is of the same opinion with it or not (instructors, bosses, and so on). in case you enable her win in this one, you've taught her that she in ordinary words has to do the failings she needs to do; for this reason you loose authority. Authority is not ordinary to win lower back as quickly through the indisputable fact that is lost. So certain, make her sparkling the room. understanding your baby may help with a punishment. I actually have a 12 year.previous daughter-slob myself. even as her room receives messy she looses all privileges till that is sparkling (no television, no pc, no telephone, no happening walks or driving motorcycles... not some thing till the room is sparkling). although, in case your baby values her issues, the throwing away element that changed into revealed beforehand changed into reliable too. If my daughter cared about her issues, i'd do this too. i tried even as she changed into little and he or she merely reported, "you comprehend mom, I merely had too a lot stuff, that is extra acceptable." besides, do not enable her get by using with not cleansing her room, yet be particular about what you want to be executed, also. even as a room receives too messy they develop into beaten and do not comprehend the position to commence. help her with that, provide her a purpose (at present all clothing hung up or put in drawers. day after today come across a house for each of the muddle. The day after day after today airborne dirt and dust and vacuum, and so on.) i imagine you both will benefit.