my boyfriend left me when i was 4 mos pregnant. he wanted to get back together when i was 7 mos. between 4-7 mos he didn't contact me at all. we work at the same place and he would avoid me at all costs. he would hit on other women at work- like i or even our baby didn't exist. i'm confosed, now that he wants to come back. i feel like its just for the baby, not me. he says he wants to be a family and he was being stupid for what he did. he has 2 other children thats with him all the time and i have 1 from a previous marriage. i'm guardind my feelings for him because i'm afraid he will do it again. its hard for me to trust him.
2006-07-07 08:45:49 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I can understand your fears either way. If you leave him, you're suddenly a single mom with two kids, and believe me, I know enough women to know how tough that is.
On the other hand, here is baby daddy all of the sudden, wanting to get back and "be a family." Does he really have a concept of what that is going to entail?
Here are my suggestions:
My first impulse is to tell you to run as fast as you can away from this guy...however,
I also understand being hesitant to shut out the father of your child from your life. Ultimately it is your decision to make, but if you want to take him back, I would insist on both of you going to counseling. Both of you need to realize exactly what being a family is going to be all about. You need to work as a team, and agree upon a plan to rear all of your children together. This way you'll have a better chance at having a harmonious, loving family that gets along.
Perhaps the best plan if you decide to take him back is put him on "probation" permanently. He has to step up and show you that he's capable of being a good father, or out he goes. However, remember that it's not a one-sided job, and being a good mother is going to make a lot of difference too.
Congratulations on that new life growing inside of you. Love it and rear with tolerance and love, and watch that child bloom!
2006-07-07 09:05:46 · answer #1 · answered by bibliophile_1976 3 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Hmmm . . . how old are you? You got pregnant -- in this day and age?? Ever hear of birth control?
Why would you bring a child into the world with a man like this? You are already displaying STUPIDITY beyond words.
You have a child already? And you got pregnant again with another man. Isn't ONE child in a BROKEN home/marriage enough for you?
You are a selfish person. You are NOT a good mother. Don't even try to think you are.
You're "selection" of men is terrible, and you need to give your head a shake.
Talk about CHILD ABUSE -- The baby isn't even out of the womb yet, and you've created a HELL on earth for this poor thing already.
He has TWO other children . . . you have ONE other child. Now baby makes FOUR.
FOUR children who have IDIOTS for parents!
2006-07-07 15:58:44 · answer #2 · answered by i_troll_therefore_i_am 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend, you are making excuses for him already with the comment about his other children that's with him all the time. Maybe he wants you back because you are naive enough to stay at home and take care of yours and his other 2. If he disrespected you that much at work while you were pregnant, why would you want anything to do with him. He's a mean person. Its in his nature and he will not change. Why is he not with the other childrens mother, make sure you find the answer to that question before you make up your mind. His problem is now he will be paying child support for possibly 3 children and it will be cheaper if he is with one of you women. Remember the saying "It's cheaper to keep her!"
2006-07-07 15:51:43 · answer #3 · answered by ymobley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys freak out when they get the news of an unexpected baby, specially when he has two others to take care of. "Not that that's your fault " Men are always much more immature that us girls ! It's hard to say that he won't or will hide from reality again. I understand you not wanting to get hurt. You guys really need to talk and be honest about your feeling and what you both want and expect from the relationship. There's a baby's future in your hands and is either you want to give him a chance and try to have that family or just to sure you don't get your feelings hurt just have him be there for the baby. Just ask your self, Do you really Love him and want to give the relationship another chance, Do you think he loves you , What do you want ????
2006-07-07 16:05:21 · answer #4 · answered by Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont feel that you can trust him not to break your heart then dont get back together with him, tell him that it is okay if you want to help out with the baby and be there for it then, and if he still wants to get back together after the baby has arrived then maybe give him a second chance, do what your insticts are telling you they are not usually wrong
2006-07-07 15:51:40 · answer #5 · answered by Bear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either if he is or isn't here for you he's their for his baby. Now if he's willing to make it work for the baby and step up and be a man about it let him do so. He's not neglecting it and you guys will probably have to set boundaries. Also, confront him and talk about it if my father had did that I would be much better off than I am.
2006-07-07 15:53:25 · answer #6 · answered by Peache264 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you explained your feelings to him? Did he tell you why he left you in the first place? Maybe he honestly was confused/scared, but now is ready to settle down. This will be baby #3 for him, so maybe he is realizing that he needs to settle down and have a more stable life.
Good luck!
2006-07-07 15:51:11 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love him? No, don't no? If not, you're better off alone and raising your child in a more healthy environment. Do you know what you want? Do you think he will be a good dad? I went thru something extremely similar to what you're going thru but we didn't have other kids. He really has to prove to you that you are what he wants for the rest of his life. And you, you must accept him for all he is and all he does. You may not like it, but you must accept it if you want to really be with him. LOVE, do you love him?
2006-07-07 15:53:19 · answer #8 · answered by ladybeth143 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm well mabye he had to go and be crazy for a while see what was out there before he settled down. You never know man life is crazy and out of controls its like a freefall sometimes you really see whats going on and what you want but for the most part you are just falling ignorantly..
2006-07-07 15:49:45 · answer #9 · answered by wassabi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't trust him as a boyfriend/husband. Who knows when he'll pull something like that again? However you do have a child with him and for the sake of him/her you should try to keep the relationship civil.
2006-07-07 15:49:45 · answer #10 · answered by Butterfly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋