Anyone want 10 points?

Question

I have been waiting for about 2 or more hours for my boyfriend to email me and he hasn't yet so the only thing I have been doing is sit here on answers.So can someone give me there best joke?You get 10 points if it is the best!Besides I am one of the people who love to just give out points to people.

Answer 1

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down



Finally , the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules "
From the female side.




Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!



1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadm issible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you pro bably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do som ething
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation,
or BASKETBALL.





1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Th ank you for re ading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -



to give them a bigger laugh

Answer 2

These two old sisters, widowed for years, are co-owners of the only drugstore in town. One evening, this young man comes in with a very worried look on his face. He realizes he's talking to two very old women, but stammers, "Ladies? I have a big problem. I'm 16 years old, and, well, I, um.... I've had an erection for about 4 months straight now! Nothing I do makes it go soft, peeing is incredibly difficult, the girls in school all think I'm a pervert and Mom can't understand why the zippers on my pants are all broken. Is there something you can give for this??"

The two old ladies huddle together, discussing the problem. Finally, they nod their heads in agreement, and turn back to the young man.
One of the sisters says, "Well, young man we've talked it over.The best we can do is $15,000 and the keys to the store!"

How do women in Beverly Hills keep their youth?
Buy him a Ferrari.

Back in the old West, this gorgeous woman had just come west from Boston. Her stagecoach had been robbed and the driver shot, so she was struggling through the desert alone.
Along comes a Native American on horseback, who offers her a lift to the nearest town. She accepts, climbs on back, reaches around and grabs the saddlehorn as the NA takes off at a full gallop. They're going along and all the way to town the NA is whooping and hollering and letting out war cries. The woman is just trying to stay on the horse. They get to town, the NA helps her off the horse and takes off, still whooping ans hollering.
She turns to the sheriff, "Sheriff, I dont know what just happened. I was almost killed on that horse! It was all I could do just to keep both hands on his saddlehorn."
The sheriff busts out laughing.
The woman says, "What's so funny??"
Sheriff says, "Ma'am, Injuns don't use saddles."

A grasshopper hops into a bar
The bartender looks down and says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says, "You have a drink here named Steve?"

Did you hear about the prostitute who bought a bicycle?
Now she peddles it all over town.

If I put roses on your piano, would you put tulips (two lips) on my organ?

"Friends Don't Let Friends Go Home Horny"

Whats red and green and goes 100 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.

You have dead babies and bowling balls to load onto a truck. Which do you do first? The dead babies. You can use a pitchfork.

Mommy, mommy, can I lick the bowl? No flush it like everyone else.
Mommy, mommy why am I walking in circles? Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

Answer 3

Someone in my class told me this.
I'm sorry if you support Bush but............anyways.

Bush was stranded on an island and a genie came to him and said,"You have two wishes. What is your first wish?" Bush said,"I wish I was back in the White House." Poof...He was in the White House. The genie said," What is your second wish?" Then Bush said," I Wish my people were happy." Poof...He was back at the island.



Here is another George Bush joke:


George Bush was teaching a 3rd grade spelling class. He said they were going to be learning the word " tragedy " He asked is anyone could give an example of a tragedy. One boy raised his hand and said a school bus filled with kids that blew up would be a tragedy, but george said " no that would be a bad accident" one girl raised her hand and said " a guy that fell off a cliff would be a tragedy" but george said no that would be suicide. Then proudly this other little boy raised his hand his hand and said " a plane that had you and your wife in it and it crashed would be a tragedy" and george said Yes that would be a tragedy. can you tell me why? the boy said it wouldnt be a bad accident and it wouldnt be suicide either.


Sorry If you are a Blonde.This is a Blonde joke:

A Brunette goes to this Blonde's house. The Brunette walked out in the backyard and saw the Blonde's dog. She walk back in the house and says,"why is your dog wearing a watch?" The blonde answers back," It is supposed to wear a watch because it's a watchdog."

This is another Blonde joke:

There is a blonde who gets pulled over by a blonde police.The cop asks for her license..the Blonde looks through her purse..and asks what does it look like, the cop says its a rectangular thing you can see yourself in..so the blonde looks through her purse again and pulls out a mirror looks in it and shows it to the cop..the cop says oh i didnt know you were a cop go on ahead.

Answer 4

Three guys are stranded on an uncharted island. There are cannibals on the island and the guys start pleading for mercy. Finally the cannibals are like, "Fine, if you don't want us to eat you, you have to pass a test. The first part of the test is to find twenty pieces of the same kind of fruit." The guys all run into the forest and start searching.
The first guy comes back with twenty apples. The cannibals tell him that for the next part of the test he must shove all twenty apples up his butt without making a face. If he makes a face he will be eaten.The guy proceeds to shove one apple after another until he gets to four and then he cringes and gets eaten.

The second guy comes with twenty cherries. The cannibals tell him what he must do and he proceeds to shove one after another up his butt.
The guy is doing pretty well he's at eighteen, nineteen, and then all of the sudden he bursts out in laughter. The cannibals eat him.

The first two guys are in heaven and the first says to the second, "Why'd you stop? You were to nineteen! You could have lived!"
The second guy says, "I saw the third guy coming with pineapples

Answer 5

A man was in a bar with two of his friends, and all three of them were very drunk. The man looks out the window and across the street and says "I betcha I can jump of that building and won't get hurt." His friends, being drunk and not thinking this through, laughed and accepted this challenged.

So, after a long while of stumbling up staris, they reached the top of the building across the street from the bar. The man walked to the edge, looked back at his friends, and waved. Then he stepped off the building. A few seconds later, he shot back up and laughed as his friends stared at him with large eyes and open mouths.

He did this a few more times before they finally stopped him and asked how he was doing this. He pointed down and said "There's a big air vent down there, and when you jump on it, you get shot back up just as fast as you went down."

Naturally his friends wanted to try. They stepped to the edge of the roof, stepped off, and, of course, hit the ground.

The man walked back down the stairs and into the bar. He sat down on his stool and ordered another drink. The bartender, who watched this whole thing, sighed, handed him the glass, and said "Superman, you're a jerk when you're drunk."

Answer 6

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not there 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says, "All I got is thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?" "A hand job".

She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE penis. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"

Answer 7

Two days is an awful long time to wait for an e-mail.


God and the Harley Davidson Inventor


Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Answer 8

ok so this guy and this girl were on there honey moon and were riding in one of those carriges and alll of a sudden the hose stopped and the husband got out told the horse thats 1 then they were driving around and three mins. later the horse stopped the guy got out said thats 2 and then the same thing happened again and the husband got out and shot the horse the guy got back in the carruge and the wife said dont u think ur being a little mean honney he said thats 1.........

Answer 9

k it's kinda inappropriate but oh well.

There is 3 guys and they find a magic lamp. A Genie pops out and says I will grant you each a wish about your dick. So the first one says I wish I had a wooden one, the second one says I wish I had a metal one, and the third one says I wish I had one that is a mile long. The Genie grants their wishes and says I will find you in 3 weeks to see how you like them. SO in 3 weeks the genie finds them and asks how they like them. The first one says I don't like mine it gives the girl splinters. The second one says I don't like mine either. It is hard and Awkward. But the third one is like Yea well I like mine because see that girl way over there. BAM

Answer 10

This is a sig line that my wife uses:

"Inside every fat woman is a thin woman screaming to get out, but I can usually shut the beyotch up by feeding her cookies."