I have tried very hard to be kind and to work on making my daughter's father (an ex-boyfriend of mine) a part of her life. He lives in another State, but I send photos, videos, updates, try to visit, etc. I did not sue him for support, but he will pay trips if we go out to visit. But, I always am the one who plans the trips. Other than that, we never hear from him...not a "hello", "how is my daughter?", "thank you for all you do", nothing. Anything he knows about our daughter, is because of me. Last we saw him was 5 mos. ago and not a word since. He also has never made an effort to introduce her to his family (I did take her on my own to meet them, but she didn't get to meet everyone). I feel like he is ashamed of her or like he just doesn't care. I am so tired of his apathy and lack of concern for her. People say "oh, that's how men are." To me, that is the lamest excuse for poor behavior, indifference and does not justify bad parenting. Is it worth keeping him in her life?
2006-07-07 08:31:14 · 18 answers · asked by CSP 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I can speak from experience in my own life that sometimes it is not always better for her real father to be in her life. My parents divorced when i was 4 and my father moved out. My sister and i would see my father every weekend then it started to become every now and then till it got to the point it took for my grandfathers death for us to be in the same room again and even then he didn't say anything to my sister or i. To ge to my point take him to court, even if you may not want to, he at least needs to pay for his part of your daughters expences. And you shouldn't have to pressure him into wanting to see his daughter. if he doesn't want to see his own daughter than keep it that way. When she gets older she will understand they things were the way they were and that she was better off with her mother that loves her and her father being out of the picture than having two parents that are always fighting.
2006-07-07 08:35:52 · answer #1 · answered by babybro35 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No. What is important is for her to have a masculine figure "an uncle" if you will that she can talk to later in life. Even at 2 or 3 if possible. Perhaps your brother, or your father if your on good terms would be the best. Just anyone that can be a good role model and run around once or twice a month would be perfect. If nothing else, call Big Brothers of America when she gets older and ask for one for her and thanks for caring enough to ask for her. But don't "settle" for a man just for your daughter, that will end up hurting both you and your girl! Wait for Mr. Right or stay single!
2006-07-07 08:39:26 · answer #2 · answered by AdamKadmon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the same situation myself. I have cried many a nights because I myself grew up without a father and didn't want my child to go through what I went through, but there is nothing that you can do or say that will make them change their mind about the situation. You just have to love your daughter unconditionally and when the time comes and she becomes someone great in life, he will be the one to regret not having done what he could have done in that little girls life. Keep your chin up you can only do what you can do and do your best at it.
2006-07-13 14:31:05 · answer #3 · answered by luscious0071 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to get some one to care for their child if they don't want to. I have a nine year old son that I am not the biological father of, but have been there since the day he was born. I think kids should know who their parents are but you can't force a parent to take their part. It's sad to know that parents don't want to be part of their childs life and to teach and share life experiences with them. Maybe some day he will change his mind. It's a hard one to say, but at least she knows who he is.
2006-07-07 08:39:26 · answer #4 · answered by David H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to be in her life then he will.... and some day he will realize what he has done. You can't force him. And as long as you don't keep her away from him there's nothing more you can do!! Some day your daughter will make up her own mind about her father and if he's not wanting to be in her life it's his loss not yours! She'll look back and know that mommy was always there. and that's really all you can do!
2006-07-07 08:38:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he is the natural father does not mean you and she can not "adopt" another male figure for the role as father. It is important for a child to see the world from the view of both genders. Certainly you have a male friend who likes to spend time with you? She needn't call him "Dad", but she will get the male viewpoint if you spend some time with him. Don't waste your time explaining her natural father to her at this time. She will sort it out on her own when she gets older.
2006-07-07 08:37:45 · answer #6 · answered by banker lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, it's obvious he's not interested in your daughter. Consider yourself lucky that someone with such lack of character won't be an influence in her life. Don't give up on the idea of a father figure in her life though. There are plenty of men with great character that are willing to love a child as their own. I know, from my own experience.
2006-07-07 08:37:38 · answer #7 · answered by 7thWave 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my sister is in the same situation. And she also wants him to be in her life. I see it in her eyes and i know it hurts. Im sure its worth having another guy in your childs life, but if he refuses, what the heck can you do? so my best bet is to meet another guy or continously wait on your baby's father. There are lots of sucess stories of people who only had one or even that, NO parents growing up. Some kids grow up with both parents and end up as serial killers. So that crap doesnt matter. Just love your kid and raise the kid around good people. Thats the best you can do. Good Luck.
2006-07-07 08:39:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep trying. In the future you daughter will appreciate the fact that you loved her enough to make an effort. If you stop trying, she will end up resenting you.(Mom's usually get the blame for lame a** fathers!)
2006-07-14 07:50:41 · answer #9 · answered by Padme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be nice to have a father. However if the father doesn't want to know about the child, I would forget him. He has to want to do it. If there is no interest, you are wasting your time.
Just get on with your life with your child. I'm sure you'll both be happier without him. He just doesn't want to admit he's a father or he just wants to forget the whole thing.
Either way, it's not your fault. You have to do what you have to do and go on with your life. GOOD LUCK!!!
2006-07-07 08:43:06 · answer #10 · answered by fran c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋