Why do people get upset when....?

Question

You walk in a door, and see someone behind you and you hold the door open for them. They *don't* say thank you, but you say *you're welcome* anyway--then they shoot you a dirty look. You did something nice for them...why the look? Don't people have manners anymore? Does this happen to anyone else?

Answer 1

Manners are definately falling by the wayside. I would think that your saying your welcome got a dirty look because you were in effect calling them on their bad manners when they didn't say thank you (good for you!). I have 3 boys and if they didn't hold the door they would be in serious trouble, that said, I have noticed that when they (or myself) do polite things often ppl don't acknowledge them. I just let it go I know i was "right" and am teaching my children the correct way to behave. You would think that with the state of manners these days ppl would give a thank you though to encourage that sort of behavior!

Answer 2

I don't think it was the door opening that caught your impolite character off-guard, it was the "You're Welcome". Personally, I don't think that you have done anything wrong in this scenario, but perhaps looking at this from the person's perspective may help clarify their response.

For whatever reason, they chose not to thak you for your good deed; perhaps they were having an especially bad day and weren't in the thanking mood, perhaps they were in a hurry and didn't think about it. They might not have even realized that you were holding the door open for them.

Whatever the cause, when you said "you're welcome" (even if out of habit) it may have seemed like you were throwing in an extra jab-- it might have simply been the straw that broke the camel's back on a particularly bad day.

As you can see, I am an overly optimistic person; I want to believe that under better circumstances, this person would have thanked you profusely and went about their day. Unfortunately, people aren't anywhere near as gracious as they used to be, but you keep on plugging. Maybe your good deed will inspire someone else to do the same.

And yes, this HAS happened to me! :)

Answer 3

You know, as I think about when I hold doors open for strangers I can't even remember if they say thank you or not because I just don't think about it if they do or don't. The point isn't to recieve a thank you, it's just something you do out of routine societal courtesy. It's an unspoken thing that is just expected amongst citizens to do, just like waving to say thank you to a person who let you pass on the road or something. If there is someone walking into a building behind you, you just hold the door open for them a coulple of seconds so the door doesn't get closed on them, there isn't really meant to be any pleasantries exchanged, it's just something you do.

Answer 4

I agree with Elizabeth (and with others). Yes, I've also been brought up with good manners to say "thank you" when people hold a door open for me. But to hold a door open for someone and to EXPECT them to say thank you is just as bad as not saying thank you when someone holds the door for you. Also, it helps to remember that manners are a relative thing. Perhaps people have such good manners that they expect you to hold the door open for them, not thinking that it is something out of the ordinary that is worthy of thanks. Who knows. Regardless, and actually rather pointless for the answer of this question, I hold doors, I say thank you, I don't say you're welcome.

Answer 5

I am afraid that error runs both ways. They should thank you, but the point of manners is to make everybody around you comfortable. With that in mind, and in your scenario, "your welcome" isn't polite. You might as well ask "why didn't you thank me?" It is very rude to be ungrateful, but it is even worse to demand thanks for a favor, especially an unasked-for one. They may have been busy or sad or just didn't notice you. Maybe their dog or grandmother died, or maybe they have a new baby and haven't slept in a month. Since you don't know, just do your best to make their day better instead of worse, and take pride in all the help you give regardless of how the recipient responds. You don't need them to thank you to know you have done a good job.

Answer 6

You better believe it happens..it happens to me all the time.

They shoot you a dirty look for telling them you welcome and they shoot you a dirtier look for slamming the door in their face!

Being the nice person that I am, I still hold the door open for people..it's all about the Golden Rule, I tell you.

I'm not a door man.

Answer 7

True, people don't expect to be treated with manners anymore. But keep doing what you're doing and others will eventually see the error of their ways.

Answer 8

I think that even people who are usually polite can forget sometimes. Maybe they have a huge project at work, maybe they are worried about a child, maybe their dog ran away, maybe a relative is ill, etc. Not that any of these things is an excuse for rudeness .. but I think that instead of choosing to assume they are being rude, you could choose to assume they simply forgot.

Instead of saying "You're welcome" to remind them of their lapse, you could give them a smile and say "I hope you have a good day."

Answer 9

I asked this same question a few months ago. I was told I should never expect a thank you from people, and that I was rude for expecting it. I do the same thing, and I still say "you're welcome," because we all learn in pre-school that you should say "thank you" when someone does something nice for you, (whether you asked for it or not) and these people ought to remember that. (Even if they can't say thank you, they can at least nod, smile, or somehow acknowledge) If we all stop saying "you're welcome," these people will think it's okay not to thank people. Thanks for reminding them! :-)

Answer 10

It's the "you're welcome" that does it. If you want to do something nice for people, don't expect the "thank you". Then when/if you do get it, you'll be pleasantly surprised. If all you want is recognition for your good deeds, give lots of money to a charity instead. They'll fall all over themselves thanking you and will hit you up again and again.