What do you think about Big Love?

Question

Now I don't just mean the HBO series. What do I mean is, can polygamy be a functional model for marriage? Not only do I believe it is possible to love more than one person at once but I believe it is also possible to be faithful within the group as well as to co-share financial responsibility. Obviously there are complications that could arise such as jealousies and the splitting up assets if any do divorce the group. But how can we bar what we do not understand? Most of us have grown up being taught polygamy is wrong. We might not agree or chose to live in a different manner, but shouldn't it at least be legally allowed, else we are only legislating morality? As long as no ones rights are being violated I say, let it be tolerated.

Sheriff Liz, As I have mentioned it is possible for their to be fidelity within the group so STD's would not be factor in such a case. There is a huge difference between polygamy and having an open relationship.

brittany t, I agree with you that forced polygamy is seriously not cool. But as you mentioned if it is a matter of an adults choice it could be a beautiful new way to look at relationships.

janet m, *Crack* that ~Whip~

san_ann68, thats your choice and i respect that. But the question is should everyone be forced into your paradigm or be allowed their own choice?

shoegodess, actually there have been science fiction writers who wrote about future societies in which people were married in communes. You might have four wifes and 2 other husbands or any combination you can think of. Personally I find it interesting but I am not sure society is ready for this, not just yet.

evil_kandykid, often only men with significant financial means have more than one wife. Even in societies where polygamy is accepted it is most common to have just one wife.

Jade, thanks for the polyamory terminology. This I would call communal marriage, which is definitely a possibility. You made some good points I'd like to show case. "Unfortunately many people do not understand that you can cheat in a polyamorous relationship. Many people would use polyamory to justify their infidelity. And many people don't understand that those in a true polyamory relationship are aware of what they are getting into." These relationships are only for the mature, I agree. I have a friend that is into the big love concept but in reality he is just a big run around. I have confronted him on this but it's no use. But though some would be my friend, others I'm sure could make a good go of it. I think some sort of spiritual view would almost have to be a prerequisite for a happy functional outcome.

Sarah H, I agree it should work both ways and time permitting I would think America will legalize many forms of marriage.

Elfwreck, you brought up some really good legal issues that need to be thought about before cart blanc legalization of polygamous marriages. However people in the least should, and do in some instances, have the right to civic unions as marriage is more of a spiritual and social practice than it should be a legal one.

Answer 1

Not only polygamy (which only denotes one man and several wives) but polyamory(a more inclusive term) should be tolerated. It takes a lot of work and a lot of maturity to handle such a relationship and I commend those that are able to carry it on. Unfortunatly many people do not understand that you can cheat in a polyamorous relationship. Many people would use polyamory to justify their infidelity. And many people don't understand that those in a true polyamory relationship are aware of what they are getting into.

(There is actually another show somewhere on TV with a woman that has two husbands. They all sleep together. She has a son and she doesn't know who fathered him.)

It's just a different lifestyle much like homosexuality. As long as people don't abuse it, which I can forsee that they will.

Personally though, I think dealing with one person's BS in a relationship is enough without having to worry about other people in the same relationship!

Answer 2

Polygamy can be a functional *social* model for marriage--group commitments as stable as pair-bonding, if they're set up right.

However, historical models of polygamy are all imbalanced; the marriage members are not equal. Most models are polygynous, and the women don't have the same legal rights & responsibilities in regards to each other as they do to the husband. Each of them has one spouse; he has several--if he dies, they are no longer legally connected to each other.

Although I think it's a plausible social arrangement, it'd give our current legal systems screaming fits. We already have clashes when someone is hospitalized and spouse & parents have different wishes about their care... we have *no* precedents for choosing between the wishes of two spouses. We have no methods for allowing a single person to divorce a group, and the child custody issues would give judges nightmares. (While they could default to "only the bio-parents" as potential custodians, a sensible judge would realize that a toddler whose been raised by a group of 5 parents may not have strong connections to the birth parents, but might be devastated by being forced away from the stay-at-home mom.)

Health insurance companies will *not* want to cover more than one spouse. They might not care about what gender that spouse is in, but they're not going to like the idea of swapping around coverage to whoever's income is lowest.

A key question is "would all poly marriages have to be equal group arrangements, or would there be some other method?" Would all members be equal before the law, or would newer members have different rights? Exactly what would one spouse be able to do for or to another, and how are the required to relate to each other?"

There will be no legal acceptance of polygamy until someone forces a judge to define the rights & privileges of marriage--something that they are loathe to do, because it would not only help gay marriage advocates, it'd turn immigration marriage laws on their head.

Answer 3

The two main groups that disagree with the 'one man, one woman' theory of marriage are the polygamists and the homosexuals. In my book, the homosexuals have a better shot at making a marriage work due to the frailty of human nature and one of the 7 deadly sins -- envy/jealousy. Unfortunately, we seem to be wired for 1 to 1 relationships -- I prefer mine hetero, but to each his own. However, the 2 or 3 or 4 or whatever on 1 situations in the end, just don't have a prayer. If you're not just fooling around, and really love someone, the foundation of marriage, you really don't want someone else bangin'em -- just don't even want to picture it.

Guys seem to dig the idea of multiple women, but bring another guy into the mix, and of course the whole thing falls apart. A guy doing two women is a stud or even a patriarch, but a woman doing two guys is always just going to be a s%&#.

Sure, there are all kinds of dysfunctional marriages, but, in my book, there's no future to polygamy.

Answer 4

I'm personally not 100% against polygamy. I don't think its something for me, but that doesn't make it wrong. If the family truly works, who are we to stand in the way?

I think one of the major problems though is money. It is often hard enough for a husband and one wife to support there family. If you add more ppl to that, it can make it impossible. And in many polygamist groups, they do not want the woman to work. And if one man can't support one wife, how can he support several? And should it really be society's responsibility to take care of them all?

I truly don't understand why its illegal. I mean some say it is because they force young woman into marriage. But that can happen anyway. But I guess it is often more prevalant in certain polygamist groups. But is it really right, and even american to everybody by the sins of a few?

In my opinion, if you want more then one wife, and all the woman involved are ok with it, and you can afford to care for your large family, go ahead and do it. Who am I to stand in the way?

Answer 5

I love the show, and as for the concept, I think that it can work, but only between mature, consenting adults of age. It would be better of being legal and in the public eye than dominated by these sects where the preying of young girls can come into it. All people involved should be able to be educated to make their own choice as a lifestyle.

Answer 6

I like the show. But with that said, how could you legalize polygamy and not other forms of outlawed marriage.Such as same sex, Is it OK to say yes to one and not the others. Technically wouldn't it be a same sex marriage in polygamy since they are all married to one another?

Answer 7

I think the show is really good on HBO, that was of polygamy might be ok, but never in a compound those are strange places. I would probably get jealous..but if the other wives are hot then it could be lots of fun for all!!!

Answer 8

you know what at first i wasnt too found of polygamy but big love sort of opened my eyes to a new life i thinks it takes strong women to accept that lifestyle and an even stronger man to make all of them happy i however dont agree on forced polygamy marriages like a girl of 15 marrying a man nearly 60 but when its a choice and you accpet it i think it can be a beautifull new way of looking at relationships.

Answer 9

I do not have a particular problem with polygamy, only because I have friends who are swingers. The rues are clearly defined and although it is not a relationship that I would personnaly care for, my religion is not a reason for me to regulate other Americans.

My only gripe is the sexism that goes with it. Why don't women get multiple husbands?

Answer 10

GREAT SHOW!; GREAT QUESTION! I was a Mormon from '72-80, but not the polygamist group (****). But be that as it may, what folks do is allright by me, but what is messed up is the groups as portrayed in the HBO program who mess with children and cause other dictitorial control.