Why is my mom so judgemental!!!?

Question

Why does my mom get invoved in my buisness? I'm almost going to turn 30 and she is constantly in back of me ,wanting to know what I do where I go I cant stand it any more does any one know what I can do ?

I dont live with her!!

Answer 1

Control freaks don't give up that control easily and moms are especially tough because they are still out to protect and guide their babies.

I had this problem too and it took me a while to figure out that I set my own boundaries.

Now I'm presuming you do not live with, or off, your parents. If you still do, sorry..but you are not going to get full respect until you do. Plus everytime you take her money, you are giving her power over you and your life.

So...I choose my battles carefully and let mom slide with trivial things but will duke it out verbally if necessary.

First thing YOU do is to stop telling her everything. It's a habit and you can break it.

Practice -
Where are you going? OUT
With whom? say nothing or just say something obviously vague like FRIENDS

oh..and my favorite when I'm on my cell phone -
Where are you? ON THE PHONE

I then stop volunteering any information about my life and how things are going. I give selected information, but never all of it, and almost nothing I know will get a judgement or unsolicited advice.

You also have the ability to control your conversations with her by asking questions so she is the one doing the talking, not you.

I will tell her if she crosses an important line - such as "whom I date and whether or not I live with him is my business."

I also moved 5 states away which certainly makes it easier to keep things private.

I remember my first apt which was only a couple of miles from my folks. She would call me late at night and if I didn't answer, she'd do a drive by!

Have fun. Only when you insist on being treated like an adult AND act like one will you get what you want.

At the point where she asks why you have become more guarded, just tell her the truth - "we are both adults and it is time we move to a more adult to adult relationship."

That should help a lot.

Answer 2

You can 1) remember she's your mom & she cares no matter how much she makes you want to scream 2) remind her you're almost 30 and are living your own life. tell her you value her opinion but will ask for it when you need it 3) don't give her too many details when you talk to her. Be very vague about your daily events. Don't talk to her every day if you do. That only empowers them to be more involved. Trust me, I was walking in your shoes until about a year ago. Good luck

Answer 3

Well, she's not judgemental, she's just overprotective. I don't see why, though. I mean, you're almost thirty, you're not sixteen or anything. I think you need to sit her down and explain to her that you're an adult and you know how to conduct yourself as such. She doesn't need to constantly check up on you because you will check in when necessary (every week or month). She needs to realize that you have a life of your own and you can handle it. I think she's just having a hard time accepting that you don't need her as much as you used to. Let her know that she is still your mother, and you love her, but she needs to give you your space and allow you to grow, to see the real world without her help.

Answer 4

If you had children close to that age, I imagine you would understand. It is how she was brought up. She doesn't know any other way to be, and she STILL wants to protect you even though you could probably protect her better at this point in your life. Just try to talk to her about how it makes you feel and be a little patient. She won't be around forever. You might want to pray on it. I get frustrated with my mom at times, but I know I am blessed to still have her in my life. Some people don't have mom's to try to guide them ya know? Hope that helped. Good luck and have a blessed day!

Answer 5

Have a serious talk with her about how you feel. Be clear, wise,gentle, and maybe a little harshness would do the woman some good. I am 20 years old and expecting. In ten weeks I will get to hold my babygirl in my arms-how exciting-huh? And I will remember this question and not do the same to her. You need your space as a woman, let her know she can still care for you, but your life is not hers just because she made you. You belong to yourself., keep that in mind.

Answer 6

Like a lot of these people have said here, she's a mom and sometimes it's hard to let go of your children no matter how old they get. My mom died a few years back, but my sister has taken over somewhat and I have to tell her,back off. It's just the protector in them and if you ever have kids, now you'll know what not to do!!

Answer 7

Stop talking to her so much. You don't have to answer the phone every time she calls, and you don't have to tell her everything you are doing.

if you live with her, MOVE OUT.

if she has keys to your place, CHANGE THE LOCKS.

my mom was a byotch and a half and always in my face about everything - I actually stopped talking to her 2 years ago, changed my phone number, the locks on my doors...and I don't see her at all anymore. She was evil, and I didn't need her in my life. You don't have to go that far, but create some separation between the two of you.. sounds like you need it.

Answer 8

If you still live in moms house get used to it. If you want a quick and permanent fix for this problem then move out. Mothers will be mothers because they have that loving, caring nature for their children. It does'nt matter whether you are 15 or 50 mom will be mom.

Answer 9

You wont like this... but... have children of your own. Watch them grow from nothing through all the hard times and the good, and then watch them walk out the door. Its a difficult endeavor.

Your best bet is to sit and talk with Mom, depending on your relationship, maybe even with a counsellor.

Answer 10

Ask her why she'd like to know. Steer the conversation away from what she asked, but why she asked it. Maybe if she understands you don't appreciate being treated like a teen with a curfew, she'll back off. Otherwise, simply make your answers vague and general "I'm going out" instead of telling her where and with whom.

Is she nosy, controlling, or trying to live vicariously through you?