What do you do with a 18 year old son who has zero motivation?

Question

I am in need of some good advice. My 18 year old son is 2 credits away from graduating high school and he won't make any attempt to finish. He has not attempted to look for a job and won't talk to me about how he feels. He is ADHD (Attention Defecit Hyeractive Disorder) and has been since early age. We have taken him to a couple of child psychologists and he refuses to talk them as well. WHAT DO I DO? HELP!

Answer 1

I'm ADHD and I've suffered with this sort of problem myself.

You need to talk to a therapist about this, first of all. He's not going to want to do it, but he'll appreciate it in the long run. Hopefully a therapist can help him work through whatever issues he's having.

If this guy is anything like me, he doesn't respond well (or at all) to pressure or ultimatums from his parents, but I would suggest you keep pushing him to get a job. Don't be obnoxious about it as that will make things worse, but don't give up. If he doesn't get a job, eventually he's going to be stuck without any work experience at 19-20, and he's going to feel even worse because of that. But as I said, a therapist really needs to be a part of this process.

Taking the "tough love" approach, as other posters have suggested, is the most obvious route but probably won't work. "A boot in the ***" is not going to work with someone stubborn and depressed.

Make sure he's taking his medication, and if he is, try to determine if it's still as affective as it used to be. If it isn't, his doctor may want to try new medications or alter the dosage.

Good luck to you. I know how hard this is, from the other side of the fence.

Answer 2

Sorry to be harsh, but kick him out.

tell him he can move in when he decides he wants to be an adult and graduate High School (not get a GE, but actually graduate) AND get a job, and he will have to pay rent.

If you want to truly help him, take half of his pay for rent. Keep it to the side and don't tell him you are, when he needs to move out or wants to go to college, you will have his own money to apply to that, and when he realizes that, it will be a lesson for him as well.

I was the same way when I was 17. I was a selfish little punk who hated everyone and everything. My father kicked me out later but for different reasons (thought I was faking a medical discharge from the Army, which I wasn't). Anyway, being on my own and not doing well made me grow up and realize I had everytign and threw it all away. I wish my dad had kicked me out after I turned 18. I would have straightened up sooner and may have went to college.

At this time, there is no talking to him because he has it all figured out. There is nothing that will get to him other than a real life experience that will smack him around pretty good.

ADHD can be an asset when applied to certain types of jobs (usually high stress or high risk). So don't treat this as a handicap. I can't do jobs which relate to a lot of walking, I don't use it as a handicap, I just don't take jobs that don't fit me.

Answer 3

I have a son with adhd. People with this disorder tend to self medicate, so I agree with the others who are saying pot. Hopefully that is not the case, however if it is you are luck that is all it is. My son turned to heroin. He does need to be on the correct meds for his condition. At 18 give him a choice, finish school, get a job or he has to move out by ???. Be sure you can follow through any and all choices you give him or he will start to not believe you. This is a problem for a lot more parents then you may realize. Just know you are not alone.. Good Luck

Answer 4

I'd say send him to the military, but without a diploma, he can't get in. The ADHD probably wouldn't help his chances either. Ever thought about just kicking him out? I know that's harse, but he would find out real quick that life isn't about being a lazy bum.
I have a 14-year old step son. He hates school, but he makes straight As. Why? Because we make the consequences so severe that if he wants a life, he'll do good in school.
See, he likes his computer and wants to play games on it all the time. He's an avid golfer and bowler. When he misses a day of school, he missed two days of golf/bowling/computer.
Try some tough love. Good luck!

Answer 5

Im not an expert or anything but sometimes if you just listen you'll find the answer. Does he have any brothers or sisters? Sometimes its easier to talk to somone close if talking to a psychologist doesnt work. Just take time to listen to him and dont force him into school, it only makes kids rebel agianst you.

Also if he is on any medication maybe that may be the key. Try and get him envolved in something he enjoys, show him that theres more out there and he needs an education to get there. Maybe because he knows he's ADHD he's mad at the world about being that way. Maybe someone at school doesnt make him feel welcome. Theres so much it would be but just listen to him!

Answer 6

I have had mental problems since I was a child, and to tell you the truth I am not sure there is much you can do. I wasted many years on drugs and the streets and now that I am 40- I am having a hard time getting the help I need.
I wish that I could wave a magic wand and clear this world of mental illness. Tell him he is not alone and the older he gets the harder it will be to get help especially with the way the gov. is cutting funding to us. My mother tried for years and finally gave up and although she loves me and we talk I feel left out of the family. I reccommend that you get counseling on how to deal with this. Talk to a professional I do not think there is just one answer to this problem. Maybe understand he can't help it--until he wants to and then it is hard. I wish I had more hope for you.

Answer 7

What, if any, meds is he on? That may be the problem, wrong meds can be just as bad as none at all. At 18 he's an adult who needs to face the consequences of his actions, give him an ultimatum - either finish school or get a job and pay your way. He's using the ADHD diagnosis as a crutch and as long as you allow him to do that he'll continue to take advantage of you.

Answer 8

First of all, most ADHD kids do not have ADHD. ADHD is the most over diagnosed condition in children. Second, he's 18, have you tried kicking his lazy *** to the curb? If you continue to support him you are only enabling him. Finally, the guy who answered "take away his pot" is probably not as off as you might think. I'd said "drug test or highway, your choice". HE'S 18 FOR GODS SAKE! Chronologically he's a man but if mother continues to baby him he'll be a child as long as he can get away with it.

Answer 9

i have the same problem with nephew.. wants everyone to support him while he stays at home and plays ps2 all day or hang out with friends, every time he ask me for something i remind him it cost money and if he had a job he could get it himself. even if it's gas for his car. i tell him i work to pay for what i have now it's time for you and if you want to live here any more than start paying $ for rent and food.he is getting tired of me telling him this and does not get everything handed to him anymore.
i would pitch a tent outside in the backyard since he does not want to talk to a psychologist about his problems or get a job or finish school. tough love and guidance is what he needs..

Answer 10

Long before there was ADHD , orADD, or any other set of letters, I was a non'attentive, sulky pain in my parents ***. My father, being a Man of the 50's, gave me the best advice, with a booot in the Butt. Get it together, or get out, find a job, and support while you still know everything.