funniest joke?

Question

mine is!!! an irish man sees a man getting eaten by a crocodile .
He says to his mate look at that posh fcuker in his lacoste sleeping bag hahahahaha

Answer 1

what is the difference between a 69 and a family reunion ? whith a69 you only have to kiss one ****

Answer 2

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She
got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she
argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to
bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by
not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

After sleeping for one hour, the wife awakened. It was still early and she no longer had a headache so she decides to go to
the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her
costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching
her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.



She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting
around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he
could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss
there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive
babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted
his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.


She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was
her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her
ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and
had a little bang.


Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went
home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering
what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.


She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what
kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You
know I never have a good time when you're not there."


Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"


He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other
guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had
a real good time!"

Answer 3

It's a little long but cute.

A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:

"To My Dear Wife
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight."

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

"My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel F! iesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."

Answer 4

This is according to some proffessor who spent 3 years studying jokes is apparently the funniest joke in the world, officially.

Two hunters are out in the woods when hunter 1 falls over dead, his mate bends over to look at him and sees that he is not breathing, and that his chest is not moving.

So hunter 2 gets on the phone and calls the emergency services, operator answers and hunter 2 starts to blather, its mate he's fallen over, he's not breathing, his chest is not moving, he's dead, what shall I do? The operator answers 'ok calm down sir, the first thing we need to do is make sure he is dead' the operator then gets some silence down the phone followed by a large BANG! 'OK' says the hunter 'I've done that, now what?'

Answer 5

Two engineers are walking down a road and a woman rides up on a bike. She hops off, removes all of her clothes, and tells the engineers to take whatever they want. The first engineer picks up the bike. They start to walk away and the second engineer looks at the other one and says "Good thing you didn't take the clothes, they wouldn't have fit you."

Answer 6

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So He called one of His best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while. When he returned he told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good. Well, He thought for a moment and thought maybe He'd better send down a second angel to get another point of view. So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and 5% is good." God said this was not good. So He decided to send email to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that e-mail said? Oh, you didn't get one either, huh? Bummer.

Answer 7

two gay guys get in a taxi. Half way down the street the first gay guy farts and it sounds like the air coming out of a beach ball. The second guy laughs and then he farts and it sounds the same just like someone blowing out of their mouth. Then the taxi cab driver raises his leg and lets out a huge loud fart that rattles the windows. the first gay guy looks at the second gay guy and says "Virgin"

Answer 8

A man had his credit card stolen. He however decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Answer 9

woman walking on the moors, comes across myra hindley and a child.
woman says to Myra:, not very nice evening for walking around here?
Myra: Its alright for you I have to walk back home in the dark on my own!

Answer 10

mine is one that kinda needs acting out so hold up your wrists and shake them and roar what's this?

terror wrists!

makes me laugh everytime!