I'm feeling so sad, what can I do?

Question

My kids left to spend the summer in BC with their dad (5000 kms away), my 13 year old son wants to stay there to live. I not only feel really lonely without them here, I feel devastated to think my son will be living so far away from me permanently. I've always been an at home mom, my fiancee works 12 hour days, I am so lonely here. Any friends or family I have, live in BC (I live in Ontario now, for the past 2 years, because of my fiancee, it's where he is from). I miss my kids, I miss my old home, I have no friends here, live out in the country where there aren't a lot of people, plus I'm very shy, so I have a hard time metting new friends. I feel like I wait all day for fiancee to come home, and he's tired & we hardly talk. I haven't had a real job since 1990, no skills anymore, no self confidence to go find a job. I feel like I'm caught in a downward spiral and I feel horrible inside, I'm feeling very depressed and sad, nothing seems to help. Any advice? Serious please.

Answer 1

reading the bible helps

Answer 2

If I were you I would try seeking out a physician in the area you feel comfortable with and try to start an anti-depressant. I know that seems drastic to a lot of people, but I am very familiar with the symptoms you are describing and unfortunately I only see your situation getting worse if you don't even have the motivation to leave your home. An anti-depressant isn't something that you have to be on for a long period of time and you shouldn't feel ashamed at all for needing it. It will really help you out of this slump in your life, it will give you the motivation to find interests that will get you out of your house, meet people and give you things to talk to your fiancee about - even if it is simply volunteering at the local library - it's something. Your children aren't going to be living with you forever, so this is something that you are bound to face at some point in your life. If you haven't had a "real job" since 1990 and it is 2006, it is better that you get out there and try to find something you enjoy now, rather than saying 10 years from now, "I haven't had a real job since 1990" - time isn't going to slow down. You are perfectly capable of finding something that you can do that will contribute to society if you have been able to take care of your children up to this point. Speaking from personal experience, you need to find something that you enjoy doing that doesn't involve anyone else in your family - something that you could spend your time doing if everyone around you were to disappear. If you spend all of your time doing things that depend on your family - being a stay at home mom, stay at home wife - you start to lose your own identity and you will eventually get to a point in your life when you may be the only one you have to take care of and if you don't have anything that you can spend your time doing, you are going to quickly lose your motivation to live. Maybe it is a blessing that your children are gone for the summer. I am not saying that being a stay at home mom or wife is a bad thing at all - it isn't - I am just trying to make the point that you must maintain your own identity throughout that time. It is very important. Hope you find this helpful.

Answer 3

The only adivce that I can give you really is to find a hobby perhaps. Puzzles, crocheting, just about anything really. Perhaps you could be a sitter, ya know, start a daycare. It may not be exactly what you look forward to doing, but you'll get the attention of the children, be able to give attention to them, and make friends at the same time. It may not be the easiest thing out in the country, but I have friends and family who lost their family, be it through a move or death, and it worked quite well for them. As far as your son wanting to move there, I know it's hard, this coming from a son who did the same thing to his mother when I was his age. It's just a stage of his life. Chances are he'll be back when he hits about 16 or 17. Just make sure you keep in touch.

Answer 4

Are there any restaurants or places where u live so u can maybe go and meet some new people? If not, just go for walks everry morning and maybe ull run into someone and if not its good exercise, u get fresh air, and it will help u releive stress. Ure number 1 goal right now would be to make ueslef happy! Talk with ure son on the phone and make sure ure always in contact with each other and just get out of the house and do anything! And Ill guarantee ull meet people and make friends in notime! Hope everything turns out..

Answer 5

Ok. Now that you've written that, you should let the negativity go. Just take a deep breath and realize that there are people who can't speak English going to medical school! There are!

You have skills. You have managed money for your family and raised your children so you have great management skills and are self motivated.

To gain friends, you really need to either get a small job or go to school. People will open up to you if you work with them every day, even if it's not the job you dreamed of. If you have a ged or high school diploma, you can work in a clothing store or grocery store and that might empower you to go out and find an office job. Many offices are willing to train new people if you are ambicious to learn.

This might be a major turning point in your life! Don't sit it out.

Answer 6

I agree with Sela... a course gives you some ambition back and also gives you the chance to meet some new people that have things in common. Try a new hobby. My mothers husband is a long haul truck driver and she almost went crazy from lonlieness. She took a course on gardening and vegitation(or something like that) and now she is happy tending to her garden. She says that it gets her mind off things. I was hurt for awhile a couple of years ago... I was going crazy with nothing to do so I went out and baught a pottery wheel(there not very cheap) because that was something that I was really into in high school. I spent hours on it making beautiful pieces of pottery. I was selling them at a local art store and making some good money plus it gave me something to focus on other that my self pitty... Hope these word inspire you to do something great... Dont be to down on yourself as there are a million people out there that are feeling the same way you are... Its the people that do something about it that will learn a good life lesson.....

Answer 7

I am sorry about your situation and I do empathize with you. What you can do is get yourself busy... find a job or attend a school to learn something new, which makes you proud of yourself... what I mean to say is get going, just don't sit around and brood... you know what they say:an ideal mind is a devil's workshop. Most important, esp. from a feminine perspective, is to make yourself financially independent... that way you'll not only be able to help yourself but at some point also those whom you love or care about.

Develop some hobby... say like reading... you know books are your best friends... they kinda talk to you... you can visit your local library where you might get to meet people from different walks of life... or you can volunteer at some place say a hospital or soup kitchen. You'll realize that there are people who are in more adverse situation and how, despite overwhelming odds keep going... something we all can learn from.

BUT, just don't sit around and sulk... you're wasting your precious time... and as they say:

Time and tide wait for none.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 8

I know how you feel. My daughter goes with her Dad too. And I have moved a few times. You really should take the time to do some good things for yourself. And working... even if it's a hobby, just do it. You obviously have some skills because here you are on the internet! Feel free to e-mail me at [e-mail], I have been through a lot of the same feelings you are talking about.

Answer 9

Your problem sounds very serious and you might need to see a therapist to help you work it out. However, you might try doing some volunteer work. Volunteers are needed by numerous churches, schools, libraries, agencies that work with the elderly, the list goes on and on. You don't have to have any special skills to be a volunteer, you just need to want to help. Helping others makes you feel so good about yourself. Volunteers are SO appreciated, you can't help but feel good. Also, by volunteering, you may learn some skills that may lead to a job. Even if you are shy, you just need to take that first step. You can't mess up by giving of yourself and your time. You might be able to find out about volunteer opportunities in Ontario by searching the web. Try www.volunteer.ca. Good Luck and please get out there, meet people and do something good.

Answer 10

if you can, i would try and find something to occupy your time, be it a job or volunteer work...i think you need something to get you out of the house so that you don't have all these empty hours where you are sitting and feeling sad...believe me, i know how that feels, i have done the same thing....and as easy as it is for my to type this all to you, i know it seems hopeless....first, i would look around you and try and find the things that you DO have that make you happy....a fiancee, who i assume loves you and you love him, your kids, no matter where they are...and whatever else you can find....i would maybe find a support group, or a place to volunteer where you can help others while helping yourself....you may be suffering some depression, and maybe you want to talk to someone about it...and in regards to your fiancee, you need to talk to him about all of this, no matter how tired he is...if he loves you and wants what is best for both of you, he needs to know all of this...don't accuse each other, just talk it out....and even though you haven't had a job in years, that doesn't mean you aren't qualified...you may be surprised...there is no harm in looking....you will never meet people unless you put yourself out there...

good luck to you....i know it is hard, but once you find your niche, things will start turning around...they did for me...it took me a while, but if you truly want to change and are willing to try, you never know!

Answer 11

Catherine,

Your feelings are quite natural. As we move into another chapter in our lives, we tend to migrate inwards to a safety zone. Please do not fear this, but embrace the differences that God has placed in front of you. Take the first step and identify (write a list) of what you wish to accomplish in the next year, five years, and ten years. This will place some goals on the table. Now you must place boundaries on these goals, by pairing down the list of the first, second, and third most important. It is best to do this after a nice relaxing dinner, followed by a warm candle lit evening. The next day when you awaken relaxed and alert your list will make the best sense. I hope this helps,

Huggs and Kisses,,,,

Lonnie