I am Catholic and my bf for a year is Jewish. His family is VERY religious and does not except me. My family is VERY religious too but welcomes him with open arms and does everything for him. I am not allowed over there for any holidays and my bf has been very distant towards his family lately becasue he feels bad for me. But who is really going to win in the long run me or his family??
2006-07-07 05:12:43 · 22 answers · asked by Princess 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
In the long-run is up to you and him.
There are some who say you should change your religion to be with the one you love, and others who say your religion is your choice, and if the two of you can work it out, nuts to any nay-sayers.
I don't know if his family would accept you were you to convert to Judaism, and even so would it be a heartfelt conversion? I used to work with a woman who was Baptist and converted Catholic to marry her Catholic husband. She hated going to Mass (she thought of all priests as pedophiles) and this was a definite drain on their relationship. While they would not have been able to marry in a Catholic church, I think she resented the conversion.
Likewise, why do something that you resent? It's difficult to reconcile Catholicism and Judaism on theological grounds (you have to reject Christ as the Messiah), although on moral grounds the two are very close.
A future household where you retain Catholic and he retains Jewish would look like this: instill Judeo-Christian values in the children, celebrate Shabbat on Friday nights and Mass on Sunday mornings, celebrate Chanukah and Christmas, Passover and Easter.
I've had the great fortune of working in a Jewish day camp and found that the rituals were just another way of honoring the same God. It was an incomplete adoration (since Jesus is not honored, nor is the Spirit), but the love for the Father is real.
If you and he are willing to deal with the distance from his family, then move forward. If it is too much to bear, perhaps talking with the family about their concerns to understand them better would be in order. They do not dictate your life, but at the same time you will need for him to be comfortable in his relationship to them before he can fully give himself in marriage. You don't want to be the 'assassin' to his mother, as Laura Schlesinger would put it.
Blessings to you both,
V17
2006-07-07 05:22:17 · answer #1 · answered by Veritatum17 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, if you can't marry him there's always the option to elope. But since you're a VERY religious Catholic, I guess that's not possible...
Seriously though, I'm not really an expert in religion here (nor do I am Jewish or Catholic) but I think it's kind of hard for you to make this relationship to work. Sure, he loves you, but don't you think that his love towards you is putting a strain on his relationship with his family?
I think the best thing for you to do is that you ask him: does he truly love you enough to face the odds and marry you? If he doesn't - or even the least bit unsure - then I suggest you rethink this relationship because there is a great chance that this relationship will be ruined and in the end, his family will win.
2006-07-07 12:27:58 · answer #2 · answered by silentwolf_81 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family is just more understanding , religious or not , because that is how they feel people should be treated . The one thing that caught me by surprise was your wording "But who is really going to win in the long run me or his family??" No one is going to win because unless his family can become more tolerant , both parties are going to lose . His family may lose a son and he a family or you may lose a boyfriend and whatever future you two may have had . Either way everyone loses .
The only solution is for you boyfriend to explain to his family how important you are in his life and that he wishes they could be more understanding to this . If they are too stubborn to give in , its probably best to move on without them or to at least keep they're influence in your life to a minimum .
Perhaps they are control freaks and are just as much unyielding when faced with any decision . If that is the case , they probably wont change and if you try to make them you will only frustrate your self even further .
2006-07-07 12:39:33 · answer #3 · answered by shellers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a shame that religion has to get in the way of love, you seem as if your boyfriend is a keeper who sticks up for you and will defend you to the end, but it shouldn't be this way, you sound like you come from a very nice family, but usually Jewish families are strict on religion and family values, thats why they don't accept you, but it's down to you and your boyfriend at the end of the day not the parents, their not the ones having the relationship, having said that it must be hard for your boyfriend to be at logger heads with his family over you, he is torn, I'm not sure if there will be any winners in this.
2006-07-07 12:23:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you then he will over look his religious beleifs and not let it distance your relationship. Most often when a person is devoutly religious they can cut ties with someone just because thier religion told them to. he has to make a decision that religion will not interfere.
I know you may not like to hear this but many christians are anti semtitic(anti Jewish) even though they claim they are not, so perhaps his family is just looking out for his own good because of what might happen.
suzyanne proves my point. He wants to be jewish and you should not change that about him. it will hurt your relationship further if you do.
2006-07-07 12:17:05 · answer #5 · answered by brianna_the_angel777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been dating for a year, have you two ever had the marriage discussion? If you have, then you probably need to get these issues ironed out way ahead of time. And.....unit of two different faiths is a huge conversation in itself. If you're not talking about marriage, then I wouldn't let it get to you too much. He's an adult (i think), and therefore is capable of making his own decisions, and if it's meant to be then he will love you regardless of what his family says. It's difficult, especially if he's close to his family. But they're not obviously thinking about his feelings, just theirs. Does he still live at home??? If this is a serious relationship, I would have a talk with his parents with him present. And say that you are not being disrespectful, but that you love her son very much and that differences in religion are not an issue with you two and that you intend on being with him whenever he asks you to attend special occasions. Sometimes in situations like this you have to take a stand for yourself and your relationship. But don't be rude about it. And it won't happen overnight, but they will eventually have to accept it.
2006-07-07 12:32:17 · answer #6 · answered by AMERICA NEEDS RON PAUL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you think about converting to Judaism? If religion is so important in each of your lives, this may not be a good match unless one of you is willing to convert.
I was in a relationship once with a man whose parents disliked me. Now I will run from that sort of situation because apples don't fall far from the trees.
Perhaps you need to determine if it's the religious differences that affect his family or if they just don't like you.
Good luck.
2006-07-07 12:19:44 · answer #7 · answered by Polly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know. That is tricky. Those are 2 totally different views. Have the 2 of you really discussed you views on it? You might realize that it will be very hard to move along. What would you teach your children? Think about it. He doesn't believe Jesus is the Son of God. If that doesn't bother you in any way maybe you need to think about your heart. Could you imagine raising children to believe Jesus was just a prophet? If he was raised as a strict Jew, his family will win.
2006-07-07 12:22:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interfaith relationships can work between 2 individuals willing to allow each other the respect and space they deserve. Trying to get that to happen when there is a "fuedal family" can be difficult. Communication between you and your boyfriend is very important. Can you be supportive of him through this? Do you expect him to choose between you and his family? Do you love him enough to let him go if necessary? These are just a few questions to ask yourself and talk to him about.
2006-07-07 12:24:54 · answer #9 · answered by royboy05032000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your boyfriend to bring you around despite their discomfort and their making you uncomfortable. He needs to understand that Jews too can be tolerant even of Catholics. Also be sure that you don't try to change them cause that's sure to antoginize them and make the situation worse than it is now. Explain to them that you understand that it's the Jews that suffer for humanities sins and they'll welcome you with open arms (do that even if your a firm/staunch believer in Christ). I guarantee saying that will endear you to them even if your not sincere (do try to make it sound sincere). If they ask you to explain the comment you can say that's why the Jews were the "chosen people". Chosen to suffer for the sins of humanity over time. Stop there cause I know you'll say until Jesus returns to save everyone...don't! Just leave it at that and they'll accept you more.
2006-07-07 12:19:56 · answer #10 · answered by thebigm57 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋