Let Mom babysit again?

Question

My son is 3, in May 04' when he was 1 and a half, I left him alone with my mother for the 1st time to go and get something for supper. My husband and I got coffee and went to the grocery store. On the way out, a car comes screaching through the parking lot, and it stopped in front of us, it was my sisters, and they screamed at me that my son had fallen in a lake and was unconcious at the hospital. I raced there to find out that he was unconcious, but breathing. After a time, he recovered perfectly. I found out, that my mother had thought it would be fine to let him walk around the yard by himself, he chased a ball into the lake behind their house.. significantly far away. To this date, she has not had him alone. She wants to take him for the night.. and I don't want to let her.. I'm still hurt and wary.. what should I do? Is this unreasonable?

Answer 1

Nope, not unreasonable. My mother watched my daughter for the first time when she was 18 months old. Just to spite me, she dumped her off at her mentally retarded sister's and went out drinking with her then-boyfriend. My little girl wandered out of the apartment and across the street to a city park where she stayed by herself for, as best we can figure, nearly three hours. I was out of town and imagine my shock when I get a phone call from the police. I had a nice visit from Children's Aid and a helluva time explaining why I would leave her with someone so developmentally stunted (not to mention more than a little psychotic).

My daughter was 6 when we trusted my mother again. I came to pick my daughter up and she was all alone in my mom's apartment, door unlocked, and hundreds of pills all over the place that my mother left lying around. The coffee pot had also been left on and her new boyfriend's used insulin syringes were scattered all over the kitchen table.

So I can completely empathize and your mother does not have a right to babysit, it's a privilege. Try to imagine what will happen if something goes wrong - how will you feel then if he gets seriously hurt or worse because your mom tried to make you feel guilty for not trusting her. It hardly seems worth it, does it not?

He is YOUR son and YOU are the decision maker, do not let anyone push you into something you aren't ready for or don't want. You have his best interests, not her feelings, in mind. You are not being unreasonable for wanting to keep him safe.

I am so sorry for what you went through before. That must have been horrifying. Don't be afraid of people saying you are unreasonable or hard-nosed; you are his mother and what you say goes.

Answer 2

As a parent I do understand what you are going trough and what you could feel after such bad experience... I am not sure what to say since I do not know your mother... You certainly should start slow and let her be with your child maybe for an hour, or two and just observe, talk to her, express your emotions and feelings, tell her that past event is not making you comfortable with you leaving your child with her, if she does say that he will watch him and she does say it from her heart I would try to let her do it.. Now your child is much older and probably be in much safer environment... I also do not want to put any thoughts in your head just wanted to express my opinion.. I have 10 month old and I am always worrying to leave my child with my parents or my wife's parents, but I know its wrong, they will never do anything to hurt my son but there is this internal feeling that no one other than us will take care of our baby best as we would... Sometimes its good to let those feelings go and trust others, sometimes its hard but I am trying my best to over come those feelings and emotions.

Answer 3

I can totally understand not wanting to let your mother watch you child again. I would ease into it little by little. An hour here and there and so on. Only do what you feel comfortable doing. I'm sure your mom is still very upset that your son was injured on her time. But i totally understand. Try some visits and stay there with them, but try to step out of the picture, that way you can kind of get an idea on how she is with your child. I'm sure your mom will never let that child out of her sight again when she is alone with him.

Answer 4

I wouldn't let her. 3 yrs old is still not old enough to leave out in the yard alone especially with a lake nearby. I would only allow her to visit with him when you are present. If she thought that was okay at one and a half who knows what else she thinks is okay.

Answer 5

I wouldn't let her. I don't think I would have ever forgiven my mom for letting my son fall into a lake, so you are one step ahead of me. I think you should just tell your mom that you don't think he isn't old enough to spend the night. and say that you are still not over the fact that he fell into the lake. she should get over it, and if not oh well. ifs your job as his mother to keep him safe. Good luck

Answer 6

to be honest it is not unreasonable. you have a divine right to protect your child. so do that if you don't feel he will be safe don't let him go. it's better to be safe than sorry. but what you can do is allow him to go with you over there and monitor how she acts with him around. and ask her to fence in the yard or put up a safety gate to block the lake.

Answer 7

Well, thats a pretty serious offense for a grandma. Nonetheless, your child is older, and you mom is hopefully wiser. So, if you set ground rules; no lakes, must be constantly supervised outside, etc. She should probably do OK. Definetly your call.

Answer 8

ummm... why is she that clueless? It might be better now that your son is older and she will probably be careful now, but that is still kind of weird. Does she reconize that she was wrong to let him wonder around? If she thinks it was not her fault then maybe someone else needs to be with her as the real babysitter.

Answer 9

You almost lost him, and she showed poor judgement. I don't think it's unreasonable to say no. In fact, I think you have an obligation to protect your son until he's old enough to "take care" of himself in her presence. I would NOT allow an overnight visit alone. Mean, maybe...but isn't his safety more important than hurt feelings???????

Answer 10

I found out that when my mom watched my son she had him buckled in the front seat and after that she never watched him again. If I were you I wouldn't let her. Who knows what could happen next and if you'll be as lucky.