My son has issues...?

Question

My kid is five and I think he has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, although it has never been diagnosed. He's killed a couple of my fish before, on purpose. So that scares the hell out of me. He doesn't listen. At all. He doesn't respond to punishment. Smacks on the butt, time-outs, loss of privelages, etc. Nothing works. He is just generally naughty. In the time it takes me to take a shower he will do all kinds of things that he knows he is not supposed to do, like getting in my purse or the ice cream or little things like that.
He is sweet, and cares about other people's feelings, but his wants overide that as is usual with five year olds. He isn't autistic. He calls himself stupid when ever he is trouble, and believe me-that is NEVER rienforced. He has never been insulted like that by an adult. And no matter how mad I am I tell him "No, you're not. You're probably too smart." And he is smart. He just seems to be in his own little world. Any ideas on what to do to curb this behavior?

I've talked to his doctor. I went to two therapy sessions but didn't go back because he isn't like that anywhere but home. Um, what else? He's very hyper. Very hyper. But I don't want to start him on meds unless it interferes with school when he starts this fall, which it probably won't. He was good in preschool. I'm just at a complete loss for what to do. I feel like it must be my fault but don't know how I can fix it...I know he's not "broken" or anything. He's just not at a normal level with other kids his age. And I don't know if he'll grow out of it or what. But he doesn't seem to know, or care, about the difference between right and wrong. He doesn't seem to take notice that there is a difference.

Oh yeah, his dad takes him every other weekend, and my BF is a great enforcer. My son listens to him better than he does to me. He's also pretty good at affection towards him.

Just thought I should mention over an hour after originally posting this...he does get a lot of positive attention. Lots of affection. Noogies, kisses, hugs, rewards. I sounded so negative when I first posted it.

Oh that's hilarious! Live with dad. His dad tries to be his buddy, gives in to everything he wants, and his dad would never take him full time even if I did think that was best. His dad cares about work, studying, and drinking. That's it. Good one though. Gave me a chuckle.

Answer 1

maybe take him to see a counsler or talk to your doctor. If he does have that disorder they would be able to tell you and help you in helping your son. Good luck I know it's hard I have four boys of my own.......................Well I have now seen that you have taken him to a therapist. My son to did not act the way he did at home as he did with the therapist. Try videotaping his behavior at home and then take it to your next therapist appointment that way he/she can see exactly how he acts at home. I hope that helps! Once again, good luck!

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. As a parent, I know how difficult is it is to deal with kids that young, and especially when they show extreme behavior. I'm no expert but I do have some experience with kids. Yes, it sounds like things tilt to the extreme but may still be within normal. You may want to check the variables around his environment, and make adjustments where you can. Does he have older siblings who may help reinforce good behavior? Other adults in the house who can also offer a different face to play time and rules? Does he attend child-care? Maybe you could reduce that time by having him stay with family or friends who can offer more one-on-one time with him.

More than anything, if you suspect that he suffers from a disorder, you will want to have him thoroughly evaluated by a professional. If they identify a dissorder, they may prescribe drugs for your child. However it is really up to you to decide how to proceed. You can always request to be referred to a behavioral expert instead. Also, there may be specific resources like forums or blogs that can offer advise once the diagnosis is made. Obviously you care and suffer for your child, so having the certainty and peace of mind of checking all options is the best you can do for both of you. Good-god luck to you.

Answer 3

I would really consider seeing a family therapist to see what is going on. I read a statistic once that almost all teens who are identified as "juvenile delinquents" killed animals as small children just to see what it was like.

This doesn't mean that every child that kills an animal will become delinquent, but that it behavior not to ignore. I would start seeing a child psycologist. Maybe he just has some underlying issues that they can help you and him work out, or maybe they will be able to tell you that it is just a phase and will go away. Either way, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. I fully believe in asking for help.

Answer 4

The business of calling himself stupid when he is in trouble is pure manipulation. He's playing you. He's learned he can say that to get you tell him something positive ("You're probably too smart") and derail you from punishing him. Next time he calls himself stupid, either ignore it or call him on it. "That was a stupid thing to do, yes, and I want you to act smarter next time."

If you're looking for effective punishments, and the things you described haven't worked, then you need to switch to more active punishments. Can he write? Make him write sentences. Or have him do physical exercises - the standard punishment is push-ups, but he seems a little young for that, so maybe jumping jacks or something else strenuous. Or possibly assign him some unpleasant chores.

Answer 5

I'm guessing there isn't a man around to help you.

He doesn't think you can or would do anything to him and he's angry inside really bad.

If you can, take him to a therapist. That person is an outsider so she might be able to get him to talk about why he is acting out. You have to do all you can now because this SHOULD scare you. He could really end up in jail someday and now is the time to change that.

Answer 6

Okay, quick answer. You say he gets alot of positive attention but that attention should be more than "things" (hugs, gifts, etc.) Concentrate on what the boy DOES right and compliment him EVERY SINGLE TIME. Some people think kids learn by correction, (caught doing things the wrong way). I happen to believe they learn by comparison to the RIGHT way. So let him know when he does things THE RIGHT WAY. Good luck.

Answer 7

Sigh I'm sure your at your wits end and i have no really good advice but to maybe talk to your doctor about it and make sure there isn't a medical problem that makes hI'm behave like he dose and im sure he is a smart guy ,,,very often kids that act like he is aren't being challenged enough they need to be occupied at all times because there minds are racing ...Good luck Hun and pat yourself on the back for not letting him think hes stupid ,,,

Answer 8

Take him to a psychologist get these things documented for your sake and his just in case the unthinkable happens...Maybe you need to reward him more for the good things he does no matter how small..Perhaps his mind works better from positive reinforcement rather than negative...My mother was a social worker for a number of years and said A+B=C ...actions and behavior equal a consequence...The problem may be deeper than you realize...

Answer 9

It sounds like he is having some serious issues, but you're doing the right thing by seeking help. I would recommend that you contact a child psychologist or counselor, and set up a management plan with their assistance. This problem is too complex for you to handle on your own, or self-diagnose.

Answer 10

He sounds like my nephew who is 7. He was being treated for ADHD/ODD but the meds worked for only a short time and they havemoved on to screening him for Asperger's Syndrome which is a form of autism. Look to family history - is there any history of bi-polar? ODD is the juvenile diagnosis of bi-polar.
Keep talking to his doctor or find one that will listen. Children with these disorders need parents who will fight, fight, fight for what they need.
oh - and many of these kids do have a surprisingly high IQ. They just can't access it properly.

Answer 11

you may want to look into some professional help, especially since he has intentionally killed animals before (it doesn't matter that they were only fish...he understood he was killing them apparently)...that alone is a big red flag....if you start now, you probably have a better chance of curbing what could become terrible behavior in his later years...don't suffer this alone...there is no shame in seeking outside help....sometimes it is the best way to handle things like this...do it for your son and your family....i wish you the best of luck!