Is my wife too friendly with my Brother-in-Law?

Question

My children, wife, and I attended a July 4th party at my brother-in-laws (BILs) house. There were about 60 people at the party and it started at 1 PM and ended at 11 PM. It was a long day and drinking was was one of the main themes along with swimming in their pool and other games and much food.

However, about 9 PM my other BIL was pretty drunk and got in the hot tub. My wife was walking by and he asked her to get him a drink and to come in the hot tub with her. She did and they continued to talk and drink for about a half hour. They were pretty close which did not make me too happy. His wife soon got in the hot tub between them and I went and played darts for about an hour.

She came inside later after getting dressed and I let her know that I did not want her near him when he is drunk to that degree. She became upset at me because she was drunk and refused to talk about it further. This made me believe there is something going on because she did not simply laugh it off

Answer 1

yes it is dangerous

Answer 2

The key problem here is the drinking. People do stupid things when they drink. Consider leaving the booze out of the mix and see that you can have a good time. Drinking has caused many problems and even divorces. Ask her to honor your requests. If she won't, then don't go around that bil's again and even tell him the reason. Because you, your children, and his wife were disrespected by your wife and your bil. Both of them need to know that you won't accept that behavior. And if you are drinking then why shouldn't she? So, don't. This behavior is not good for your children unless you want them to do the same.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, alcohol makes us behave differently and inappropriately after a certain point. We are less aware of our manners when we are partying and tend to "cross the line" at times.
This particular time, the parties involved may have been "softened" by the effect of the alcohol and dropped their manners. It is hard to monitor ourselves when we are under the influence and relaxing in a hot tub makes it more difficult to be on guard. You have a right to be upset, but don't make the mistake of holding a grudge and bringing it up ever day. It may be in your best interest to refresh your love for your wife, which sounds like letting her off, but it may be just the attention she needs from you.
As for your brother-in-law, he is not innocent either. Don't hate him for being "over-friendly". If no contact was made, you don't need to accuse him of any wrong doing. That will only bring ugliness to your family and keep you from a healthy future. Forgive them for their immature behavior, but keep your wife close to you to show her you still care.
Stay between the two of them to discourage any further flirtation, though. They will soon realize that you are serious and were hurt by their behavior.

Answer 4

Your first mistake was to try to talk sense into a drunk woman. Unfortunately, no one is going to accept criticism when they're intoxicated; it's just a fact of life.

Secondly, who cares if they were sitting close together. As long as he wasn't mauling her or she wasn't wiggling in his lap, there shouldn't be a problem. Did you ever think that maybe they were discussing topics that they didn't want to have overheard by casual passers-by?

Take a step back, take a deep breath, and don't get all weirded out by a close relationship between your wife & a FAMILY member.

Answer 5

You know what, altough we women don't like it, but you are the man. Men have the authority to say, Hey, don't socialize with him. Be honest is your best bet.
If you have this suspicion, it must be for a reason. Your wife should have been more concerned about your feelings and should not have acted like that in front of everyone, which shows no respect for you.
Most women actually do have a crush on their brother in laws but don't want to admit it.

Answer 6

Why would she laugh it off? You insulted her. Most men are not going to make a move on a woman with her husband and his wife sitting right there. I'm not saying it's impossible, just improbable. I understand that you were upset, but I understand why she would be upset too. Maybe it will be easier to talk about it now that everyone is sober.

Answer 7

I see that you're quite possessive and yeah you got the right to be worried/concerned etc. but instead of doubting her talk to her openly about it. Explain to her that you didnt like the idea that she was with him. Yeah, she was drunk but she should know her limits and you just hope she doesnt do it again because she wouldnt like it if you did the same with one of her relatives. But tell her nicely, don't be too hard on her because they both were a bit tipsy so yeah.
good luck =)

Answer 8

I think you are wrong. She was doing the accepted thing at the party (drinking) and so were you. Sometimes when alcohol is involved we tend to perceive things that aren't really happening. Give her the benefit of the doubt, she would give it to you. Good luck

Answer 9

You may be over-reacting, you might not. Either way I'd wager that it is based on other insecurity issues you have outside of the story you told us. Take a good look at yourself first... you may be pushing her away.

But then again.. she might be a cheating slut... who knows.

Answer 10

Just let her know you didn't like it, it made you uncomfortable and see if it happens again. Maybe it was just an innocent encounter, and the wife did step in, why didn't you?

Answer 11

that would be your insecurities talking. instead of playing darts you shouldve jumped in too.. the wife did?