Im losing 5 points, but you getting two?

Question

and if you make me laugh the most you will get ten, then I will get 3 back Yessssss

Answer 1

God does not play dice with the universe: He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

Along with the standard computer warranty agreement which said that if the machine 1) didn't work, 2) didn't do what the expensive advertisement said, 3) electrocuted the immediate neighbourhood, 4) and in fact failed entirely to be inside the expensive box when you opened it, this was expressly, absolutely, implicitly and in no event the fault or responsibility of the manufacturer, that the purchaser should consider himself lucky to be allowed to give his money to the manufacturer, and that any attempt to treat what had just been paid for as the purchaser's own property would result in the attentions of serious men with menacing briefcases and very thin watches.

-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)


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It wasn't a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but there's the weather for you. For every mad scientist who's had a convenient thunderstorm just on the night his Great Work is complete and lying on the slab, there have been dozens who've sat around aimlessly under the peaceful stars while Igor clocks up the overtime.

-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

Humans suffering from a conflict of signals aren't the best people to be holding guns, especially when they've just witnessed a natural childbirth, which definitely looked an un-American way of bringing new citizens into the world.

-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

If you take the small view, the universe is just something small and round, like those water-filled balls which produce a miniature snowstorm when you shake them. Although, unless the ineffable plan is a lot more ineffable than it's given credit for, it does not have a large plastic snowman at the bottom.

-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

Answer 2

Got some random jokes rite here!

Blond Shopping

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."

She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."

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Gorilla Chase!

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to take a trip, so he left his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. He explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock. But he was never ever to touch its fur.
So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, "Why can't I touch its fur? Nothing seems to be wrong with it."

Every day he came in and sized up the gorilla for a little while longer as he still couldn't understand. About a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.

Suddenly the gorilla went "ape" and started to violently jump around. Then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into a sports car, and drove off.

In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in another sports car, driving right behind him and motioning for him to pull over. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden, and up an apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.

The man jumped down and ran back into the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla. The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shadow coming down the street ahead. It was the gorilla!

This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, slowly raised its mighty hand and said, "Tag! You're it!"

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Blondes in a Convertible

Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, which happened to be an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while.
Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded,

"HURRY, HURRY, IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"




Even if I dont get the 10 points hope you had a laugh!

Answer 3

That is brilliant. But I am not a funny person, so I am not going to be able to manke you laugh, but I still get 2 points. And that is important to me, because I am addicted to this stupid thing, I have answer out, thumbs up-out, and vote on everthing. I do not however ask a question because I am selfish and do not want to lose those 5 points. Why, I am not sure. Anhoo, have a great day.

Answer 4

Tight mini skirt
One Day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reaches back and unzipps her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step Embarrassed, she reaches back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reaches back and unzips her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifts up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrased the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turns around furiously and says, ?How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!?

Shocked, the man says, ?Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends.?

Answer 5

250, go surfing ordinary and attempt to respond to 5-10 questions a minimum of another day. Do it once you're somewhat bored and performance some spare time. a number of the questions are truly exciting.

Answer 6

All of the surplus points (5 minus 2) go into my account. Like the rounded pennies.

Answer 7

New Rules In Hell


A man dies and goes to Hell, where he is greeted by the Devil.

The man looks around and sees no fire or people being tortured, nothing uncomfortable, and asks, "where is all the horrible things that Hell has to offer me? I might as well get started now".

The Devil says, " Things have changed down here".

He asks the man, "Do you like to drink alcohol?"

"Oh, Yes!" replied the man, with a big smile.

"Well you are in luck", Says the Devil, "because on Mondays there is drinking all day, anything that you want"

"Wow, that's sounds great", the man says.

"How about sex? Do you like sex?" the Devil asks.

The man replys, "Love sex, just never could get enough".

The Devil replys, "Well we will take care of that little problem, we have sex all day on Tuesday".

The smile continues to grow wider on the mans face.

He is then asked if he had any homosexual tendancies.

"Absolutely not!", he says emphatically, "I can't stand queers!"

The Devil smile at him and says, "You are really going to hate Wednesdays then."

Answer 8

Here is a joke fro ya!
Cheer's ;)

This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home and hands his wife 50 dollars. She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 dollars that he wouldn't stick his dick in the pickle slicer. The wife was surprised and said she wanted to make sure he was still intact. He pulled down his pants and, indeed, it was all there, unharmed. “But what about the pickle slicer,” asked the wife, perplexed. “Oh, she liked it too,” answered the husband.

Answer 9

One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land. When they saw a sign that said "Disney Land left" they turned around and went home.

i like this next one more =]

THE LIE CLOCK
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What
are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?"

That's Nelson Mandela's. The hands have never moved, indicating that
he never told a lie."

Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Linco ln's clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
life."

Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.

St. Peter responded, "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it
as a ceiling fan."


...couldnt think of anii other ones that i knew of...i atleast hope that made u smile =]

Answer 10

Just think of how enlightened you will be after CrazyHairyHine answers you questions! Just like JackBauer on here some dude thought he had an eye prob. but all along he just had crabs colonized under his eyelid from being teabagged by an obese gay trucker!

I must be clairvoyant!