We've been together 4 years. Bought a house together a few months ago. Everything is going very well except for the fact that I don't have a ring yet. He said I might get a ring for my birthday. I got a steamer. Why is he taking so long and should I have a dealine in my head?
2006-07-07 03:55:04 · 18 answers · asked by madron 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I am pretty traditional and wouldn't ask him. We have been talking about it for ages, last year he said this year...then we bought the house so now he says early next year. We went to Paris before Christmas and he mentioned to his niece that he has to ask the big question. He didn't and I was so dissapointed. He is normally very thoughtful with his presents that is why yesterday when I got the steamer I thought he's pulling my leg and that maybe I'll get my ring later. Aparantely not. I am just not going to wait around forever....
2006-07-07 04:21:51 · update #1
Why should he marry you, he's getting everything he wants w/o marriage????
2006-07-13 10:41:57 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My fiance did something like this. He brought the subject up in passing and said something to the effect of that it would be within the year. Anyway, that kinda put a deadline on things for me and I wish that he hadn't said anything because I worried as time marched on that he wouldn't!
Men have a lot of expecation resting on them getting the proposal right. He might have a particular occassion in mind that he is waiting for, or perhaps he is planning something that is taking time or thought. Once we got engaged, I was able to ask him about all of this stuff and there is a lot more to it for them than just asking. Contrary to popular belief, men are quite complex! Perhaps he is subtly trying to find out what kind of rings you like and what size your finger is. I know that it took my fiance a long time to save up the money needed, especially as he didn't want me to notice (we have a joint account). Even once he's chosen the ring it can take a month to resize!
If it is really bothering you then talk to him and don't just assume that he was being a b*stard over the steamer (note the use of the word might in your question). If it's a case of not wanting to get married then you need to rethink what you want and whether you're prepared to stay put. Partly this will depend on your age and exact situation. If you're in you early 20s for example then don't fret, he might just be worried about being too young/ money etc.
2006-07-11 10:36:38 · answer #2 · answered by chocolate_sarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ugh. This is such a tough situation.
The fact that he got you a steamer for your birthday is just mean. He had to have known your heart was set on an engagement ring. He might be on a little bit of a power trip.
Having said that, here's what I would suggest.
Given the fact that you love him and everything is going well-- that you're not in a hurry to get married in order to have children right away...
Let it go.
I would imagine you've become a little obsessed with the whole thing. (i certainly understand that) But, that's not hurting anyone but you.
Let it go.
Become once again the confident woman he fell in love with. Not the "little woman" who's waiting to be asked.
You'll feel so much better than going the "deadline" route. (would you really want to be married to someone you had to give a "deadline" to? No.)
Oh... and one little pet peeve of my own:
I don't think we should get engaged on birthdays or national holidays... the ring is not a gift. It's a commitment.
Good luck to you.
2006-07-07 11:47:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL @ steamer.
Some people say it's okay for women to ask now...do whatever you think is best. I know I would never do it. I believe in a man covering or leading the family, and that starts with the proposal.
If you want, I guess you can ask him, but here's the bloody, honest truth: he already knows you're ready to get hitched, and HE hasn't taken the initiative. In many ways, YOU already have: the house, long-term relationship, coming out and telling him you want to get married by suggesting the ring, etc. So, the issue is with him, which is what you have to get to the bottom of.
2006-07-07 11:09:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you already have a house, that's a step up. He already said early next year, so wait, that's only 7 months from now.... besides, Christmas and Valentines day are coming up so wait until then..... after that, tell him straight up that is time to make it official and that you are tired of playing house without a ring. Good luck
2006-07-07 12:08:28 · answer #5 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Four years is the max I'd wait. I've been on at my boyfriend for AGES, ever since we started dating to get married - we both want to, he just hasn't asked yet!! We've been together for 19 months (knew each other before we dated, at same church)
Give him a time limit. Say if there's no ring on your finger by Christmas, you're out.
2006-07-13 07:09:49 · answer #6 · answered by Bridezilla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could pop the question, but maybe thats not what he wants, i was married for 30 years, then met someone else he was with his ex for ten years she wanted marriage he didnt, he eventually when drunk popped the question and before he knew it she had it all booked, 18 months later they parted. Loving each orther understaning one anothers needs and being there for each other is what matters, a ring isnt always the answer.
2006-07-07 11:03:18 · answer #7 · answered by JANIS B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im in the same situation as you. have been with my partner for over 7 years and still no signs yet, despite living together and having kids. some men just dont want to be pressured into such a big step. he will ask you when he is ready.I set a deadline for him to ask me by, but he never did. i just have to be patient and keep reminding myself that he loves us all and we are happy. thats what counts. good luck hope you get your wish soon.
2006-07-07 11:23:46 · answer #8 · answered by doodlepol 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit down with your fella and have a serious chat about where your relationship is going, where you will be in 5 years time, what is important to you in the relationship.
don't start with i want to get married ,why haven't you asked me but in your turn to say about your plans for the future say that you would like to be married or planning the wedding.
don't make the conversation to negative either, say lots of things that is good about the relationship and things that you admire or love about your fella.
2006-07-08 04:02:25 · answer #9 · answered by rubytuesday. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he doesn't want to commit to you, or marry you. You've enabled him to get it all - you, a home, everything without him having to do much of anything. By the way, what a terrible birthday gift!! I'm glad I've got my husband - he's a great one
2006-07-07 11:04:49 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL i know how u feel , ive been with my partner nearly 4 years , we have a son together and a house, im still patiantly waiting lol
2006-07-07 11:13:48 · answer #11 · answered by lil_meex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋