Sister Rivalry?

Question

I'm 24 and my sister is 22, she is getting married in a month and asked me if my 3 year old could be her ring bearer. I said " No, I do not want my son anywhere near you. You are a bad person, and I am not going to spend the money to rent a car, drive 6 hours, get a hotel so that I can leave my son in someone's hands to be your ring bearer." I told her that I was not going to her wedding and she insisted that he be there. I hate my sister. She is a horrible person. She has run away from home 6 times, I let her live with me twice and she left me with huge bills and made me choose her or a BF because he hated her. She's had sex with more than 20 people, has been pregnant 6 and has aborted 4 babies ( lost the other 2 to STD's), has accused our step-father of sexual abuse and physical abuse. Has made my mother cry more times than I can count... and I hate her. Am I wrong to A) not go to her wedding or let my son be her bearer and B) not let her near him?

My whoe damned family is making me feel like the bad guy.. cause she has " apparently" cleaned herself up..

My sister was 16 and had already had 5 sexual partners before my step dad was in the picture.

Answer 1

WOW!!!! *deep breath baby girl*

You are being a selfish biyatch if you ask meh.

This is why: Your sister is doing her best to try to reach out and make a connection with you now that she has apparently gotten her life together. She asked for your son to be the ring carrier because he is neutral, and she thought that by getting him envolved, YOU would be envolved and she can try to make amends with you.

What your sister did was HORRIBLE!!! dont get meh wrong, and you are right for doing and feeling how you feel. But before you completly cut her off, talk to her or send her an email or letter or whatever, and let her know how much what she did growing up tore into your family and how much that you still are hurting from it. Tell her that you would like to try to make amends, but she has to prover herself first, and that you need her to prove it to you before you will allow you, your family and most important your son near her or her wedding.

Congradulate her for getting married but let her know that you are unable to attend if she is not willing to appologize to you and your family and come to terms with her past before you can try to build a new realationship with her.

I know that it sounds mean, and I am sorry for being that way, but really, family is family, if she is unable to prove that she has changed, then follow your first mind and keep away. But give her ONE last chance...

Good luck! *hugs*

Answer 2

All of the things you mention that are "wrong" with her with the exception of leaving you with bills is between her and other people. If you don't want you son to be there, don't allow him to be there. However, that is no reason to be hateful. The world really is big enough for you and your sister to exist without interacting.

Edited to add: By the way, most people do NOT make up sexual abuse. It is very damaging and invalidating for someone to deny or blame the victim after s/he speaks up. Either she has a serious emotional problem that causes her to be a pathological liar or she really was abused. Either way, judging her does not help make the pain any easier.

Answer 3

hate her or not she is still your sister. dont let your hatred get in the way and block you from attending her wedding. as for your son you have the right to choose whats best for him but you can be there when he's being the ring bearer. remember everyone sins and God forgives, you may have lets say cheated in whatever way and she did all those things you've said but that does not make her any worse than you. may be if you do good to her she might just borrow a leaf from you and change.

Answer 4

Wow - she sounds like a real mess. I would say stay far away from and end all contact. Do not go to the wedding and don't let your son be a ring bearer - it's your choice, always remember that.

Answer 5

Yes, you can allow her near your son, but maybe just not without your supervision.
The wedding is your choice.

About your sister, just because nothing ever happened to you doesnt mean nothing happened to her. Could be step father could be someone else shes blaming on him. She does have the symtoms of someone abused. She needs counciling.
Maybe you can tell her that she needs counciling and then she can start seeing her nephew. Tell her it's for what your stepfather did or did not do.

Answer 6

That is only a decision that you can make, babe. I haven't spoken to my mother in over two years because she is an awful person. Sometimes you have to protect yourself from other people. It is unfortunate that those people may be your blood relatives. I am constantly criticized for not talking to my mother, despite years of abuse. Do whatever makes you happy. Good luck and I am sorry that you are facing these obstacles.

Answer 7

Altho she has done wrong and u are her elder sis,u have a right to be mad at her coz her way of life just aint right.However,i think it won't hurt for ur kid to be the ring bearer.U don't necessarily have to be at the wedding.U can drop of ur kid and come back to get her as soon as the whole bearer position is thru.
wish u well

Answer 8

Best to stay away. It is wrong to hate her though. Some people have a hard time of it out there. Until she can put it together and be responsible, stay away.

Answer 9

You don't have to go to the wedding. You don't have to send your son. You have control of your son. Don't let her intimidate you. She has to prove herself to you before you can trust her again. It would take some time. Don't worry yourself over what she wants. [has she been worried about what you want?]

Answer 10

she sure has gotten a lot of mileage out of her 22 years!
stay home and keep you son with you...just tell her you have other plans that weekend that were made a long time ago...don't have to tell her what they are