I was married 8 yrs and had 2 children. My daughter was 2 when I met my new wife. We've been married for 10 yrs now. My daughter is 14. Around 3 years ago, my daughter started acting strange and then my ex said that my daughter only wants to spend time with you. When I confronted my daughter, she said she was told not to like my wife. What is up with this stereotyping of step parenting? I want them to be close again but I think it may be too late. HELP!
2006-07-07 03:23:44 · 12 answers · asked by RG 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I forgot, my new wife and I have 2 younger siblings. 6 and 8
2006-07-07 03:24:38 · update #1
I've accepted her husband and I accually thanked him for helping raise my children. I don't believe my wife has accepted my marriage.
2006-07-07 03:32:15 · update #2
That's difficult. I don't understand why adults... let me rephrase that, I don't understand why SUPPOSED adults put children in the middle and force them into adult situations. I am terribly sorry for the situation your new family is in. It's good that you are doing things the way you are so keep that up, as far as your 14 year old. She is going to have to make some choice of her own. Set down guidelines and be loving about it. Don't let it get to a situation to where you are in a sense expected to choose between your new wife and your daughter by things your ex-wife is putting in your 14 year old mind. Pray. It will definitely help to have the Lord involved in this. Good luck!
2006-07-07 07:30:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't have kids but am an adult child of a parent who remarried. First let me applaud both you and your wife for making the effort to help your daughter. Recognizing the problem and addressing it is the first and biggest step. My step mother wasn't and still isn't so kind or generous. She was jealous of my relationship with my dad(who died a few yrs ago at 67) and constantly verbally abused me. I had moved in with them when I was 13. I acquired a younger step-sister and an older step-sister.(and let me add we 3 get along great) My dad, back then, rarely took notice or stood up for me in regards to the abuse. Which is sad for any child. I think the "step-parent" stereotype started as a joke yrs ago in movies and tv. It also was helped by jealous ex-wives or husbands fearing they're being replaced as a spouse and parent. My advice would be to talk to your daughter separate from your new wife,and reassure her of your love and support and then suggest that the three of you sit down and have an open discussion about it. Is your ex still involved? Is she bad mouthing your new wife? It would be helpful if she were also involved but that's not always possible. I wish you all the best. And remember, it's never too late. Take it from someone who's dad and mom died too young (67,65 in the last 3yrs) and am left with a wicked step-mother. LOL. Congrats on taking steps to improve your family.
2006-07-07 10:36:00 · answer #2 · answered by ShellRe' 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not too late. I'm also a parent and a step-parent. Your daughter is getting old enough to see people as they really are. Talk with her about her feelings for her step-mom. Don't make her feel like she's betraying her mom, for acting like she doesn't like her step-mom. Let her know that you and your wife don't hold her responsible for her prior actions towards her step-mom. Start fresh. Try not to trash talk your ex to your daughter. Apparently she's getting enough of that from her mom! Your ex must have some inferiority issues!! And to your wife...hopefully she isn't taking it personally and sees your ex for what she really is...jealous! When I went through this with my then 12 year old step-daughter, we took a "girls day" and went shopping. No serious talk, just relax, hit a few stores and a fast food place...let her know I wasn't an ogre that came from under a bridge! Good luck to you.
2006-07-07 10:37:53 · answer #3 · answered by grannyhuh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the childrens mother divorced me she told them all kinds of things that came out later. The number one thing is to never speak poorly of their mother for any reason. They will always only have one mother and she's it. Your wife now is not their mom and trying to make it that way willing cause friction. Her attitude and ability to look past "teen insanity" will give the children room to develope more of a friendship with her {on a parenting level}. Always remember we are fathers not buddies but our spose is in a different place and can work the "girl talk" thing that we can't.
2006-07-07 10:35:09 · answer #4 · answered by tim 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has heard that from her mom and is confused --- set the record straight --- tell your ex - in front of your daughter what was said --- make sure you tell them that isn't acceptible --- you want your daughter to be respectful and she's welcomed at your home and you want the family to get along with each other....and if there's any problem with your wife - then you guys work together to resolve the issues.
2006-07-07 10:30:54 · answer #5 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with your ex in a mature way and help clear the air...Its the responsibility of parents to make sure things go smoothly and not do things in a mean or spitefull way. My parents got divorced but they were both mature about it...My dad said that he didnt really know much about my step dad so he shouldnt make judgments about him...just that he hoped my mother was happy....I think if the parents both do it right then things will work out better..its just hard because people are usually hurting in one way or another.
2006-07-07 10:30:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two things to deal with in your daughters case, she is a teenager, and peer pressure....Take your daughter out on a date, do this maybe twice a month, when she feels comfortable she will tell you the REAL REASON she is no longer close to your wife. Sometimes it could be a miscommunication, or an assumption or as I stated before peer pressure from her friends whom have horrible step parents, and feel ALL step parents are from hell, and they are trying to woo her to beleive the same thing....
2006-07-07 10:28:42 · answer #7 · answered by voluptoustaureanfemale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this might be stereotyping step parenting, but if you want to help your daughter, look at things in her eyes..
her father has another wife and mother told her not to like her....
but she loves you so how can she not love someone you love? she was kinda forced to hate your wife so...
explain to her that its up to her whether she excepts your wife or not. thats her decision and you'll support her no matter what she says...
dont bring up arguements by speakin negative about your ex... just focus on her decision k...
i hope i helped..
2006-07-07 10:35:23 · answer #8 · answered by unknownguy033 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So who told her this, ex wife? You need to help your daughter understand that this is wrong. She shouldn't cause trouble in her family. Let her know in the end she will be the only loser.
2006-07-07 10:31:39 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your present wife, her step mother wouldnt get along because your present wife is not the same as her mother, and the views of your wife is not the same as her mothers and it is common to have these problems because she might blame you for divorcing her mother and it could take years for her to realize this. her mom will always be her mom but to her, your wife now will not replace her mother
ps.
i have a stepmother i have never met because they live in panama and i havent seen my dad in over 25 years, and i also have a step dad
2006-07-07 10:30:44 · answer #10 · answered by beckyschristine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋