Get me some funny jokes?

Answer 1

God and the Harley Davidson Inventor


Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Answer 2

Here you go

Blonde Jokes

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

Redneck Jokes

You might be a redneck if...

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car

Answer 3

Jokes

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

Pls turn this upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H

News:3 Chimps escaped from the zoo.1 was caught watching tv. Another playing football & the 3rd was caught reading this JOKE

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock

A little kid asks, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" "No idea" he replied, "I am still paying for it..."

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret

Behind every great man there is a surprised woman

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so I got two Girlfriends.

Answer 4

A GUY GOES TO A SUPERMARKET AND NOTICES A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WAVE AT HIM AND SAYS "HELLO". HE'S RATHER TAKEN ABACK, BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLACE WHERE HE KNOWS HER FROM, SO HE SAYS "DO YOU KNOW ME?" TO WHICH SHE REPLIES "I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS". NOW HE THINKS BACK TO THE ONLY TIME HE HAS EVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO HIS WIFE AND SAYS, "MY GOD, ARE YOU THE STRIPPER FROM MY BACHELOR PARTY THAT I LAID ON THE POOL TABLE WITH ALL MY BUDDIES WATCHING, WHILE YOUR PARTNER WHIPPED ME WITH WET CELERY AND THEN STUCK A CARROT UP MY A**?" SHE SAID "NO, I'M YOUR SON'S MATH TEACHER." HERE'S ANOTHER ONE.....
AT THE CONCLUSION OF THE SERMON, THE WORSHIPERS FILED OUT OF THE SANCTUARY TO GREET THE MINISTER. AS ONE OF THEM LEFT, HE SHOOK THE MINISTER'S HAND, THANKED HIM FOR THE SERMON AND SAID, THANKS FOR THE MESSAGE REVEREND! YOU KNOW, YOU MUST BE SMARTER THAN EINSTEIN! BEAMING WITH PRIDE, THE MINISTER SAID WHY THANK YOU BROTHER! AS THE WEEK WENT BY, THE MINISTER BEGAN TO THINK ABOUT THE MAN'S COMPLIMENT. THE MORE HE THOUGHT, THE MORE HE BECAME BAFFLED AS TO WHY ANYONE WOULD DEEM HIM SMARTER THAN EINSTEIN. SO HE DECIDED TO ASK THE MAN THE FOLLOWING SUNDAY. THE NEXT SUNDAY HE ASKED THE PARISHONER IF THE REMEMBERED THE PREVIOUS SUNDAY'S COMMENT ABOUT THE SERMON. THE PARISHONER REPLIED THAT HE DID. THE MINISTER ASKED: EXACTLY WHAT DID YOU MEAN THAT I MUST BE SMARTER THAN EINSTEIN? THE MAN REPLIED, "WELL, REVEREND, THEY SAY THAT EINSTEIN WAS SO SMART THAT ONLY TEN PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD COULD UNDERSTAND HIM. BUT REVEREND, NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU! LOL

Answer 5

two ladies in a shower room...
lady1:how come I've such a bush & u havent got any hear there?
lady2: oh, did u ever c grass grow on a busy street??!!!

farmer says to his wife "that bull serviced 30 cows yesterday & 40 2day" wife syas "u could take lessons from him" farmer says "he doesnt shag the same cow each time" !!!

Answer 6

Go on funnyjunk.com 4 nice and very very funny jokes

Answer 7

wahahahaha funny jokes, you are unhappy

Answer 8

What's the longest sentence in the world?
Answer: "I do."

Answer 9

a woman asked:how big is your dick??? and the man told her:like your head