How can I let my roommate know that I find her racist comments offensive?

Question

She constantly degrades other culture's foods in particular and will make vomity noise when I'm trying to enjoy my chinese. She'll comment about music videos and why "black people always have to have sex in their videos" (I mention Will Smith's MIB video featured tons of sex and she didn't get it)

Answer 1

It's really hard to get people not to tell you things that you don't want to hear. Sometimes you don't even see these comments coming, which makes them hard to prevent. However, if you do see it coming, you can say something like, "I'd rather not hear anything negative about that person." or "It makes me feel bad when I hear statements like that." After a while, she will hopefully stop sharing these sentiments with you, and if you make it sufficiently meek and about your feelings instead of about how racist you think she is, she probably won't be too offended.

Answer 2

You might ask her very annoying questions to challenge her assertions.

"Is there something wrong with your taste buds? Because this really is delicious! Maybe you should see a doctor! Isn't it interesting that the Chinese invented pasta? And, oh, it's too bad you don't like this, because a coworker said there is a fantastic new Vietnamese soup place that I want to try... Are you SURE you don't want to try it? It is SO good..."

and

"How lucky those people in the video areto be having so much fun!. I wonder why is it that "white people" don't get to have sex in their videos? Hhmmm... I wonder if "asian people" get to have sex in theirs... Maybe there is there something wrong with the "white people"... Maybe the "white people" should give it a try too! (and make more ridiculous generalizations about videos..."

Basically, my point is to be more obnoxious about her weird ideas than she is -- comment back on it to death, like you were taking her really seriously. This will let her know that she is being an idiot. She may be doing it because it gives her attention for being so unpolitically correct, so give her ALL the attention she wants but turn the tables on her. It will take the wind out of her sails and you'll get to have the last laugh.

Answer 3

Your going to have to tell her and in such a way that she will know you are serious and have had enough. I have a friend like this and I listened to his remarks until I could stand it no longer. Even though I had indicated to him about not liking some of his name calling, he never took me seriously. Finally, without knowing it myself, I had had enough. We were in a restaurant one afternoon, and he was talking about news events of the day. The tables were very close together and it was packed with families. Suddenly and totally unexpected he quite loudly refers to a Mexican as the "wet back" and a black as "******". Well I lost it. I, without any forethought, called him down right then and there. He was shocked and you could see he was embarrassed. I let him know that I would not tolerate that type of talk anymore and he could no longer use those words in my presence anymore. I talked to him as if he was a child.
Needless to say, I have not had anymore problems.
You've got to stand up for what you believe in. As for the food thing. When she does this call her down and if she doesn't quit tell her she can leave the room while you eat. If this doesn't work you better find a new roommate, even if it means moving out.

Answer 4

Just tell her. However, it's not racist to "degrade" other culture's foods. I get violently ill if I eat Mexican food, because of the spices. So I speak poorly of the food, but that doesn't mean I dislike the culture. I simply dislike the food.

As for the stereotyping of music videos, I think you will just have to tell her that you're offended. If she doesn't stop, I'd suggest finding a new person to room with.

Answer 5

Word your response carefully, after all you still have to live with her when its all said and done. Maybe start out with a story about how someone at work today was making really awful comments about other cultures and how much it bothered you. Explain what it was specifically that you took offense to. Then tell your roommate that you weren't sure how to approach the subject but sometimes her comments make you feel uncomfortable, if she asks give her examples. Explain that she is entitled to feel however she wants about other cultures but that at times it may be best kept to herself.

Answer 6

Some people are thoughtless and I confess that I too am guilty, but such overt behavior suggests a poor attitude towards others. Mine was because I supposed that my friend would find humor in an ethnic joke, but he quietly took offense and I regretted it since. It was really thoughtless on my part as I saw humor, he saw bigotry. We are still friends but I walk on eggshells about offending him. Your friend has an impervious skin and I doubt that much can be done to solve your dilemma but have you ever asked her directly why she is so racist and biased? Perhaps she is unaware of her insensitivity. In some areas, the wealthy can not see the poor as the poor are beneath them until noble people such as Princess Di, Florence Nightengale lead the way by getting their hands dirty and their hearts filled with the agonies of others. Perhaps in a gentle fashion, you can make her aware of the hurt and the crudeness of her actions.

Answer 7

It's a sensitive topic, to be sure. The easiest way to handle it is to tell her flatly that "I enjoy the videos" or that "I enjoy the cheese", and that she has every right not to watch you eat, or watch the videos.

Indirectly, she'll get the drift and stop making the comments.

She most likely won't change, and will continue to feel the way that she feels (you can't change a tiger's stripes) but at least she'll stop making the comments around you.

Answer 8

Maybe form it like a question, "I wonder why you are so concerned/bothered by people of different races/cultures..." She is probably a product of her upbringing. I have known people like this and if you point out to them that they are being racist they act all surprised and hurt. Its so weird. Still, say something because if you are her friend you should try to help her through this negative aspect of her personality. It is possible that she has never really had any experience with people of different cultures. Good luck, this is a tough one.

Answer 9

Tell her. She may take your silence as agreement.

If she did other things that offended you, would you tell her how you feel about those? For example:

-- Eating all your food in the refrigerator?
-- Leaving cookie crumbs on the sofa?
-- Not doing her share of the housework?

Making racist comments isn't any different from things you probably would speak up about -- except it's more personal, which makes it more difficult.

Answer 10

The worst thing you can do is to ignore the situation if it bothers you as much. If so, sit your roommate down and express your feelings. Tell her you'd appreciate it if she didn't make racist comments around you. But if not, remember everyone is entitled to voice their opinions as offensive as they may be... freedom of speech.

Answer 11

You have to put her in her place. Point blank. It is extremely rude to make such noises while you are trying to enjoy your meal. Sarcasm can only go so far....especially if she is too simple to get it.

You may need a new roomate so you can be at peace. If so, tell her straight up...you are seeking better options and in the meantime keep your stupidity to yourself!