Manners while casually eating out...?

Question

My boyfriend grew up wealthy so he is very big on ettiquette. I believe there is a time and place for everything. At nice restaraunts there is no problem. When it comes to fast food, steak 'n shake, and pizza places we have our differences. This guy can't even eat at Taco Bell without putting his napkin neatly on his lap. He also usually makes passive aggressive comments about how im a slob or something. It gets to the point where he is being rude and offensive and I dont even feel comfortable eating with him. At the same time, I don't want people in Mcdonalds looking at me like im crazy because im acting like im in a 5 star restaraunt. He grew up with a very condescending father and I think part of the reason he does it is to feel authoritative. But should I just be myself and tell him he's being rude and ruining my dining experience or should I follow suit until I'm perfect enough for him. This is something that really shouldnt be a problem but I have to deal with it all the time.

I think i have decent manners. I dont talk with my mouth full or chew with my mouth open. I watch my language and don't make messes. I avoid scratching, figiting, blowing my nose and any other behavior that my be offensive. I usually narrow it down to my posture. But this has cause me on numerous occasions to be sitting with my back arched to the point I feel akward and it causes me to drop food on myself, giving him more to pick at. I've brought it up before but on certain occasions he still feels the need to be a prick. Sometimes I just want to eat by shoving my face into my food and see if the embarassment will get him to stop. I think its even more rude when I pay for his meal just so he can act ungrateful for it.

its definitely nothing to break up with him over. I just tried to talk to him tonight about it again. The thing is, is that he is very passive aggressive and by calling him out he wants me to explain everything he did to criticize me. Then hell just explain it away, and i know its a lie. So today i just told him that if he has any problems with what i do then to say it literally and ill ignore everything else just to avoid any confusion whether or not he is trying to be a prick.

Answer 1

lol

its not really normal to behave like that in a snack bar (like Taco Bell and MacDonald's)

and if he is so well mannered why is he being so rude to you then...

i think you should tell him that "there is a place and a time for every thing"

Answer 2

I've eaten at McD's and their is no possible way to eat a Big Mac without that secret sauce falling out of the other side of the sandwich. And Pizza, please, New York is known for its fantastic greasy pizza that will drip down you hand no matter how many times you blot the thing with tissue. It seems to me that he needs to learn how to relax. The insults are just an end result of what his father has done to him.

Dont get me wrong, I believe in ettiquette. But lets not go overboard. And the comments are not necessary, Why dont you try to get him to relax and wind down when you guys are just eating take out. Make it comfortable and show him that you dont have to act as if their is a stick up your *** all the time.

You should feel comfortable eating with him whether it is at a 5 star restaurant or at home eating pizza while grease drips down your chin. You are perfect right now (unless you have some gross habits), but as long as you are not chewing with your mouth open or have food flying everywhere, what difference does it make.

He needs to relax and enjoy life to the fullest, not make you feel bad and low. If he can't then dont change yourself, he needs to respect you and care about you for who you are, not who HE thinks you should be.

Take care and Good Luck.

Answer 3

If you find it offensive that he puts a napkin on his lap (a very practical habit), then I'd say YOU have the problem, not him. On the other hand, as long as you clean your hands before touching your food, take reasonably sized bites, chew with your mouth closed, and other basic courtesies, he should stop with the critique.

Maybe you should just skip the fast food and eat at nicer restaurants. At his expense of course. Many of us feel uncomfortable trying to eat decently with tissue napkins, plastic forks, and cardboard boxes instead of plates.

BTW, wealth has nothing to do with etiquette. A family of modest means can keep a very formal table, while a wealthy family may have no table manners at all.

Answer 4

Tell him there's one thing more offensive than your eating habits and that's his condescending attitude. Tell him that he makes mealtimes tense and unappealing and that if he doesn't stop you'll stop having meals with him. Ask him how he'd feel if you picked on him for the annoying traits you feel he has (give some examples) and say that you hope in time he's mature enough to realise how unattractive his attitude is. He will learn in time - but in the meantime say he's just like his father. That will no doubt rankle. In fact, tell him that you think he's daft for having perfect table manners in dumpy places like McDonalds.

For yourself, make sure you eat with your mouth closed and don't slurp etc - using napkins and the correct forks for things are fine for really nice places (will you teach me the correct forks for things?) but there's a time and a place for everything. Don't change to suit him - he'll just pick on something else. Be yourself.

Answer 5

So it sounds like what you really have a problem with is not the fact that he has fancy manners, but the fact that he criticizes yours. I agree that it's hard to be criticized by someone you care about. Perhaps you could just discuss it with him at a time when you are both calm and maybe not actually at the restaurant. You could just say something like, "I felt hurt when you criticized my manners at the restaurant last night." It's up to him to decide about how he deals with it, but hopefully he will try not to hurt your feelings anymore. I'm sorry you are having this problem right now. When something like this is bothering me, I find it often becomes much less of a deal after I talk about it.

Answer 6

Hamburgers and pizza are finger food.

Putting your napkin on your lap, taking small bites, not talking with the mouth full - these should be observed everywhere. It sounds like you are doing this.

Stop feeling bad. Put him in his place. Do it calmly, firmly and matter of factly. Let him know he is being rude. You should not have to take this.

Answer 7

The reason for good manners and proper etiquette are to make other people feel comfortable, not uncomfortable.
That being said, your boyfriend is being improper (and controlling) by bashing you over the head with Emily Post, and is being rude.
I'm sure you've gotten his point by now, so he ought to have enough manners to ease up, if he's all brushed up on his "proper" etiquette.
Definitely, be yourself, tell him, and if it doesn't change- RUN!

Answer 8

The entire point of etiquette is to make others feel comfortable. Manners that make people uncomfortable are not only inappropriate, they're not etiquette. It's just being an @ss. Let your boyfriend know how you feel and why you feel the way you do. If he doesn't respect your feelings, you may need to reconsider your relationship.

Answer 9

if that's how his dad is then he probably does the same thing and thinking nothing is wrong with it.

you need to tell him how you feel, of course; but he doesn't have to give up his manners.

mcdonalds is not a dining experience, but that's also no reason to act like a pig. there IS a happy medium.

everyone needs to eat. he should not be trying to make you feel guilty for needing it. no matter where you decide to eat.

Answer 10

You shouldn't be going out with this guy. He is not suitable for you nor you for him. He won't and can't change. Neither can you. End the pain by dumping him.