shes unhappy and i cant change?

Question

i have ptsd a mental illness caused by stress from iraq and it is hurting our marriage i m all ready seeking help

Answer 1

You guys should seek counseling together and see if that helps. Good luck:)

Answer 2

Unfortunately our feelings and modds affect those around us. Yes, your marriage is going to suffer because you are suffering. Did you talk to her? What did she say? I think she may be sad because she wants to help and cannot so if feeling inadequate or helpless. She needs to understand this is something you have to work through basically on your own, but her listening and understanding helps immensely, more than she can know. Maybe she should seek help separately and/or with you to help her understand. She would not check your temperature to determine if she is running a fever, and the same goes for moods - you cannot wait to see if someone else is having a good day to see if you should or shouldn't. You don't need to change - you need to get better - "illness" is the correct term and as long as you are seeking help for yourself there is nothing more you can do. Worrying and trying to please other people just adds more stress to you and slows the recovery process. What form(s) of help are you seeking? If a therapist / counselor can you discuss this with them and get their professional opinion? Maybe contact someone you served with to see if they are going through the same thing and how they are coping and get your wives to talk and support each other too. Best wishes to you and yours. I am extremely sorry you have been hurt, and greatly appreciate your service.

Answer 3

She needs counseling too, to understand what you are going through. Be happy with her when you can. Give her some hope that you are still you.
I had ptsd myself. Now I rarely have a flash back. What my doctor told me to do (and this worked) Imagine a beautiful room with a very large rug on the wood floor. The rug is covering something about as large as a VW Car. The room is your life. The rug is your brain that keeps those nightmare memories in a safe place under the rug where you can't see them or remember them..the problem is that ocassionally a memory will sneek out from under rug and you have to face it, experience it and deal with it. What my doc told me to do is to take time to experience the memory. Then if you pray (if not talk to yourself) Acknowledge the pain, feel it then say....Memory, I see you, I feel you, you give me so much pain.....memory it is time to go away and this time I will not push you back under the rug but you throw that memory off a cliff into the depts of the ocean. Say goodbye to the memory. Before you know it that rug will flatten.
Also each night before you go to bed say to youself (write it down and read it every night) "I will not have these bad dreams. If I do have a bad dream I have the ability to keep myself and others safe, I will not let these bad dreams control my life anymore"

I will pray for you. And pray that your wife will be able to hang in there while you work through this.
email me and let me know if any of this works.

Answer 4

Are you seeking God's help? I've seen Him make changes in many ptsd cases, with full testimonies to share.

Answer 5

I agree with the first answer. Have you already told her that you plan on seeking help? Try finding a good marriage counselor. That helped my parents. And thank you for defending our country.

Answer 6

the thing that stood out to me is the fact that you are married there is even more reason to make it work right there, i understand what your going through to some degree and i think your wife needs to be a little more understanding of thing you where exposed to but you also need to make sure that you don't let this control you or make it bigger then it needs to be (not saying you are) maybe your wife should take some counseling to so that she can understand all area's of this and maybe be more supportive of you good luck. sunshine

Answer 7

This is serious stuff dude ...get a shrink, a marriage consultant, whatever that might help....and i'm pretty concern on your wife's condition, are you treating her right?!
i'm not sure about this, but i think you better had your illness sort out before trying making her happy again....

Answer 8

I KNOW TWO MARRIED MEN WITH PTSD AND THEIR WIVES COPE WITH IT. THEIR WIVES MUST LOVE THEM THEN. THESE MEN HAVE THE NIGHTMARES AND GO TO THE PTSD MEETINGS AND THEY TAKE MEDICATION FOR IT.

YOUR WIFE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL YOU ARE ALIVE AND IT COULD BE WORSE. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE CANCER OR SOME TERMINAL ILLNESS. THERE IS HOPE THAT YOU CAN LIVE A FAIRLY NORMAL LIFE. YOU'RE A LIVING, BREATHING, MOBILE HUMAN BEING WITH ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES.

Answer 9

TALK about your feelings and thoughts with whomever 'her' is and also seek counseling and follow any med therapy you are on. Do the right thing and things tend to work out.

Answer 10

Tell her you love her, and that you want it to get better too. If that's not good enough for her then she's not good enough for you.