how do you answer the question 'which one of you is the guy in the relationship?'?

Question

i'm a happily married lesbian, and i don't mind fielding heterosexual's inquiries as to glbt culture. but this question has always stumped me. what can i say to straight people that ask whether i or my wife is the 'man of the house'?

Answer 1

I like the "there is no penis between us" response

Answer 2

"Neither of us. We're lesbians."
If it's a friend, and you feel like being bothered with it, feel free to educate them further that in STRAIGHT couples most of the gender roles are starting to break down, so in gay couples where we don't have all those societal expectations to begin with, we don't necessarily split up tasks according to "gender" or more accurately "aggressive" or "passive". If you've got the time, talk about how you divide tasks n such. (Take turns, maybe? Or just "She does these things that are otherwise considered 'masculine', and I do these that are."). I don't really know a GOOD answer that doesn't turn into a whole messy discussion on gender.

Answer 3

I turn it around. Ask them if they are always/never the dominant partner in a relationship. If you make them think about it, they usually realize that even in modern heterosexual relationships, the gender roles are blurring.

Of course, if they're asking just to be a jerk, I generally give them the smartass answer. Neither of us is the man of the house. That's the whole point.

Answer 4

I'm a gay man, if I may, I'll answer.

You tell them there are two women in your household, and that you both like it that way.

I've been asked whether I'm the "man or the woman?" or more direclty whether I'm the "top or the bottom?" To the first question, I always would say , "we are both men." To the top or bottom question (that's what they really want to know anyway) I tell them "Thanks for asking, but I already have a steady date."

PS. That last one's not such a good answer these days, I'm single.

Answer 5

Oh god I get that alll the time also! Its super annoying! I always look at them and say, neither, its 50/50, as it should be in any relationship. Straight people like to try and "normalize" us and label "the male figure" so that its easier for them to think about it. This is there problem, and its unfortunate that they are so blind.

Answer 6

well i get called sir or young man all the time because i'm the butchier lesbian, my girlfriend is a girly girl....so i always point to her because it confuses them. it automatically breaks their label that the lesbian with the more male attributes would make more sense to to more male labeled activities, (is what i come across)
but i point to her they look confused and seem receptive to more detail into why that is and we share that its equal 50/50 so we get a chance to hopefully educate curious people about the life we live so that they understand that it's just the same as them.

Answer 7

Love some of these answeres, good luck chosing one that is the best.

My response:
i guess you can ask them the same question, and or say well i think tonight i will be the man, i just purchased this massive rotating head dildo and she is gonna get it from the back to the front.-- maybe that would be too bold?!?

Answer 8

I just say neither. We are both women. I may be more masculine than she is...but neither of us is a man for we both lack the necessary equipment to be the "man of the house".

All decisions, chores and responisibilites are otherwise divided equally as they should be in any house.

Answer 9

Hmmm...for me, that's the hard question to answer, considering my last relationship consisted of me, the femme, being the one who fixed things, repaired the car, worked full-time, and did a lot of outdoorsy things, and my butch partner cooked, cleaned, and took care of my son, while being an interior decorator. Go figure, we just were the antithesis of stereotype!

Answer 10

Sometimes Im the man and sometimes my lover is. It cancels out ot make a 50/50 relationship.

Answer 11

Just let them know that's a question that has no bearing - your relationship is a full partnership for both members, not a role-playing fest. You're both equal and responsible.