I have a friend we are both middle age. We met on an on line dating service. We enjoy each others company but the "magic" is not there. He knows this but keeps pushing. We have been seeing each other for a year. He broke up once and we still talk and see each other mainly from being lonely. Now he is selling his house and wants me to take any furniture I want. My house is extremely modest. My ex husband left me in the worst way. Now these items would be a God send but I can't repay him. Should I accept the furniture. His things are really nice, like a large screen t.v., couches...anything I want from this expensive home. He is down sizing and moving into a fifth wheel since he has health problems. I doubt we will ever be a couple and I feel this would be using him or him having possesion of me. On the other hand my furniture is thread bare and awful. He says I'll never get rid of him. I tell him we are broke up and just friends. He says he knows but isn't listening.
2006-07-06 17:40:08 · 18 answers · asked by sweetpea 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Hun, i am sure he is saying the truth and telling you what he believes he wants to do. He's middle age, and I doubt he is playing games. He's just getting rid of his things because he is downsizing, its not like he's offering you the contents of his entire home and living without. He needs to get rid of this stuff anyway it sounds like. You have told him this is a friends only relationship so you have filled your responsibility. Take the stuff, he's being your friend.
2006-07-06 17:43:59 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle F 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hmmm...very touchy. I think your best bet is to leave the furniture behind so that he can sell it on his own.
By receiving the furniture from him is giving him the impression that you will have to "repay" him even though you initially stated in the beginning that you couldn't. If he's not listening to you now when you are saying that you two are just friends, what do you think he's gonna do when you have half of his furniture in your house! His mind will constantly wander thinking "who's sitting on my couch". "whos' sleeping in my bed" (if there's a bed involved) etc.
The feeling isn't mutual. He wants you, and in a bad way. To remain friends with no strings attached, I would leave the furniture right where it should be...in his house.
2006-07-07 00:48:12 · answer #2 · answered by Luscious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um. The furniture is not the real issue. But we can deal with that anyway. So how would he feel if, after you took the furniture, you turned around and took it to good will (or sold it) the next day. Would he feel like you ripped him off? Or is he sufficiently flush that he wouldn't care. I'd only take it if its the latter.
The real issue is continuing a relationship not because you especially care for someone but because you're generally miserable. There is a solution for that too: anti-depressant medication (short term or long term depending on circumstances), someone to talk to who doesn't have a stake in the decisions you make, and a physically active hobby.
2006-07-07 00:56:25 · answer #3 · answered by Millie M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A similar thing just happened to me. I am a 36 year old man who had a 40 year old girl "friend". I always knew that she kind of had a crush on me, but I had a girlfriend and we always just hung out. She helped me with a few things during our friendship, like a $750 transmission job. I was starting to pay her back, and then ended up in the hospital off and on for four months. She was always by my side, helping me and doing things like my girlfriend should have been (that's part of the reason we broke up). No matter how many times I told her we were just friends, she would get a dreamy look in her eye when we were together. She offered to buy me a new laptop computer, and I thought about it for a while. I finally refused, and started to call her less and less, and not return her phone calls. I miss her friendship, but it wasn't fair to her because no matter what I did or said, she was waiting for me to come around and fall for her, which wasn't going to happen. I cared about her enough to let her go and quit obsessing on me. She deserves someone who will care about her as much as she cares about. If you take this guy's furniture, it will just be another sign to him that there is still a chance. He already said that he wouldn't quit, didn't he? Say thanks, but no thanks, and try to start distancing yourself from him, for his sake as well as your own.
2006-07-07 01:11:00 · answer #4 · answered by Spillski 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you take the items, I would consider it a blessing. I was always told me whatever the Devil takes from you ie: your marriage, GOD will repay 10x. I also feel that if you made it clear to this man that you are not interested in anything more than a friendship, you should have nothing to worry about
2006-07-07 00:46:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him flat out that if you accept his "gift', There is no chance of a relationship. If he knows this and agrees.. Why not? You sound like a nice and moral person. Maybe he knows this and just wants to help you out... But i don't blame you for wondering about the "strings attached'. Good thing he's moving! Good luck. Better things are coming for you for sure!! Hang in there.
2006-07-07 00:50:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would talk to him on this matter explaining your feelings...you do really need the gifts and do apprieciate them...but you could not repay him in a romatic way...look at this way...he is moveing into a fithwheel...were is he goin to put a house ful of furniture in it...if it makes you feel guilty about takeing his furniture...ask him what you could do for him that did not envolve cash or matters of the heart...he couild just be a nice guy and as your friend, knows you need these things and wants you to have them...your never know unless you talk to him...if you need the help and he is your friend...ofcourse you should let him help you...LOL...YOUR GOIN TO REPAY HIM ANYWAYS WHEN YOU GET LONELY AGAIN...be like NIKE and just do it...
2006-07-07 01:07:06 · answer #7 · answered by GyVuPhaYs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is a bit obsessed. your taking the furniture may only fuel the flames. i think if you take it and you do not want a relationship then you would be using him. But if you need furniture that's one thing, you do not NEED a big screen. Remember that heavenly father will always provide your needs even if you don,t get what you want. Good luck,.
2006-07-07 00:47:50 · answer #8 · answered by JENNLUPE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would take the furniture. take this oppertunity as a blessing to you from God. But before you take it tell him that there will NEVER be anything between yall and make him understand that.
2006-07-07 00:45:45 · answer #9 · answered by Cloe B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants you to have his stuff then take it. There is nothing wrong with taking it if he is giving it to you. You aren't using him you are simply taking a gift. Just think of this as a blessing for all the trouble that you went through with your ex-husband.
2006-07-07 00:45:17 · answer #10 · answered by Bay Area Gal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋