Y all the hate on studs/butchs in a lesbian relationship?

Question

I recently read over a question that a female asked when she questioned why a lesbian would choose to be with a "stud/butch" woman. Or as she said a woman who looks like a man. The question was closed and I could not answer but I felt that I had to say something,,

Now, just because you are a lesbian (or a woman period) does not mean you are going to be feminine. Many straight women are not feminine themselves. Many men are still attracted to this. Therefore we all know you can be tomboyish without being a lesbian!

Just as some lesbian women choose to use straps and/or dildos,, it is not to feel closer to being with a man, some just enjoy penetration. I'm sure it would not matter what it was shaped like. (Could take the shape of a large finger,, who cares?)

The point is, you like what you like. People are who they are, if studs chose to shop in the men's departments, he11 why not. Straight women can do the same thing and still be straight. Y be criticized because of it...

Answer 1

Gender role stereotyping is the problem. Men have to act a certain way, women have to act another. To deviate from those roles confuses the sh*t out of em. However roles that like are entirely learned. As a butch, I find it distressing when people within the gay community make judgements etc, I almost expect it from the straight community (atleast the less understanding ones).

I know man men will disagree with this, but I find a lot of men to be insecure about butch women. They feel we are trying to "invade on their territory" or something riidiculous like that. It is very not true, I am who I am comfortable being, I do not live my life to fit any specific stereotype.

The point is you are right people are who they are. Dressing like a guy does not mean you want to be a guy. And even acting like a guy in society does not mean you act like a guy in relationships. When the clothes come off, we're still women underneath.

Answer 2

Hmmmm, interesting point you make! Not sure I have the answer, but I will offer my opinion.... I think that the hatred stems from what most hatred is due to..... fear and ignorance. I think that many straight people have no inkling of what is is like to be gay, and they simply don't understand why a woman would choose to be with a woman who was masculine in appearance and/or mannerisms..... surely they could and maybe should be with a man if they were attracted to a butch female??? Of course, us in the know understand that this assumption is wrong. We love women because they are women, some of us prefer a strong, handsome butch, some prefer a pretty femme, some don't care either way or like a woman who can't be defined at all. So yeah, I agree with you completely, you like what you like. Live and let live!

Answer 3

I completely agree with you on this. I think what some might have an issue with is some women really look like men. Why would a lesbian want to date a woman that looks like a man? Pretty much a man with a vagina and boobs. Are those words allowed on here? Anyways, I can see why some straight women or men would get a little confused, but like you said.. Everyone likes different things. :)

Answer 4

Sex and gender are two different things. Sex is what reproductive organs you were born with that technically make you a boy or a girl, however when you are growing up you accept the gender standards of whatever gender you assimilate with. Some gay men follow the girl gender standards, butch lesbians follow the boy gender standards as far as clothes, some behaviors and a few other things.

Answer 5

i understand were your coming from and i agree, it might have something to do with the mental streotypes that people have when they think of lesbains. people seem to be fine with lesbains til one is "butch" because in their mind its like a straight couple w/ vaginas and i guess they think its pointless i dunno its hard to figure out why some people think the way they do. Again is a double standard, 2 feminine or "attractive" lesbains is fine, "butch" is gross. but no one questions gay men if both are masculine, feminine, or a masc/fem couple. Also people who are against homosexuality sometimes try to come up with a way everyone is straight... all in all is human flaw and most wont accecpt anyone for who they are and what they want or stand for

Answer 6

My partner and i wounder the same thing. It's just some people have their idea of the way things should be and when it isn't they try to amend the constitution...oh wait. They have trouble saying and thinking that there are more things in the world than the way they view it.

That's like saying all fem should date butches. That isn't the way it goes...lesbian's can be a fickle lot.

Answer 7

me personally being a femme...always said i would never date a stud...i guess because of all the sterotype i had heard or whatever. but a few years back i dated one and it wasn't great..she was a cheater, but i'm with someone now who doesn't claim to be a stud or femme. she's a former basketball player, now a college level basketball coach...so i can relate to her way of dressing(hats, jeans, basketball shorts, and ect) i think she has alot of stud ways..but i love her no matter what. And, studs are oh so hot !

Answer 8

i totally agree wit cha grrrl! i have found that heteros need to have a male and female to categorize a relationship. i am femme as is my woman and we're both tomboys. we wear makeup and dress HOTTTTT and climb rocks and wreak havok in the mountains and we wrestle and both wear the strap (i do prefer her fist tho...). anyway, emo boys are super femme and not all are gay just like not all black people play football and not all white people are rich. i chose my friends on how few stereotypes they hold.

Answer 9

Some people react like that because they were taught to think, to act like others; short "sight"= short mind. "I see a tomboy, she is a lesbo! I see a woman with long hair, bla bla.... waouh she is feminine" It takes probably too much time to think, to be more open minded, to look beyond what evrybody think or say.

Answer 10

i agree also,too much stereotyping goin on,i'm a 'butch' chic that doesn't look like a man ...... when i say butch,it's in the sense, i love to get out into the mud motorbike riding,playing watching/footy...