How should I/why should I care/or should I just give up on my 19 year old son?

Question

Anyone who wants to answere this question just to suffice their own aggrivation about thier parent/s, don't. I have always been a single parent to my son, Micheal. His father died of cancer when Micheal was 4, not that it made a difference, since his father was never around. I have given so much, any did everything I could to keep Michael out of trouble. I was so proud of him when he graduated boot camp and AIT with the army. I thought it would help him grow up. The first few weeks he was home, he was a great person. Since then he has gone back to his old ways. He is 19 and has again become verbally abusive. He has held a job for 3 weeks in the 3 months since he has been back. He has been living w/me and I have been supporting him. I have asked him to help me w/the house & yard, but he always complains about everything. He would rather spend time with friends. The last words of the last message he left were "you f_cking *****. I am ready to give up on him.

To Wondering
Does that make you feel better about your issues conserning your parent/s? Apparently, your parent/s didn't teach you how to write properly as I spent countless hours teaching my son. He needs me...hum, I guess thats why he threatened to kill me within 2 hours of me being home from the hospital from almost dying. I guess I should have not been aggrivated about the partys while I was in the hospital for 2 weeks, or the state of MY house when I got home.

Get a grip. You should grow up yourself befor giving advice to others more knowledgable then you are.

Answer 1

never give up on him, just give up on the way your dealing with him. my mom went through this with me, and now im a mom going through the same thing. number one you need to address the issue of him disrespecting you. never ever bow down to that.you let him know that you demand respect. number 2, no matter how hard it is, you have to let him go, get him out of your house, its hard at first, but, your not doing him any good by supporting him. you are his mom, and just because hes 19, doesnt mean your done with your job. he now needs to be taught responsibility, so start teaching, its tough love, but if you love him, youll do it.either do it now, or still be supporting him and probably about 4 kids when hes 30.hang in there, if you do what needs to be done, i promise it will get better. we tend to spoil our kids out of some sort of evil guilt we have that they dont have a father, dont let your own guilt get in the way of raising a healthy, respectful, responsible young man

Answer 2

I was 15 when I had my first child and moved out. About 18 my Mother quit helping... no more babysitting and no more $. I spent the next 12 years having other people help me. I thought I was doing o.k. Then at the age of 30 I had to move back in w/ my mother, children and all. 3 months later I had to move before I killed my Mom or her me. My kids decided to stay w/ my mom. So here I was for the first time in my life........ALONE. No kids, no mom, and NO HELP! I had to learn to do it on my own. I was letting everyone else take care of us, (me and the kids) It took me almost a year but, I did get it together. The point I'm trying to make is this. We have till our kids are about 10 or 11 and then they think for themselves. We just have to hope they use the information we gave them, in a constructive manner. You can't enable your son. You have to let him spread his wings and fly. If he crashes tell him you love him, pat him on the back, and let him try again!
Good Luck!

Answer 3

As a Mother, I hate to think of "giving up" on my child. I like to consider tough love an option. Set limits for your son, he lives in your house eats your food, you pay his way..(get the idea?)and when he exceeds those limits set before him, tell him, 'my way or the highway!" Sometimes, a child needs his mother to make or break him. Think of it this way. What is going to happen to your son if he doesn't grow up now? You deserve to be treated with respect. You are his mother. You gave him his life. You have the power to take it away from him (the life he has currently known.) He'll either do one of two things, sink or swim. You are going to have to step back and let him decide. Tough Love. He needs it. Do it because you love him.

Answer 4

I'm a 20 year old female from Texas. I currently live at home with my mother. I have a brother my age who has caused the family a lot of problems. Upon deciding to live at home again we were both told by our mother that if we did not help out around the house with chores and lawn work that we would be kicked out. I did my chores. My brother lasted about 3 weeks before getting kicked out. She simply dumped his crap outside, after fair warning of course. Its economically wrong to let your children live off of you after the age of 18. If capable all teens should work and earn a living to start saving for their own apartment or place of living. I'm not saying to kick him out; all situations are different, but its not fair to you or other family members to let him take advantage of you.

Answer 5

At 19, it's time to let him sink or swim on his own, especially if he is being disrespectful and abusive. Being faced with responsibility makes you grow up fast. Let him make his own mistakes, don't bail him out when he does, and he'll come out stronger for it in the end.

Most importantly, while family bonds do mean something, they don't mean that you have to accept behavior from your family that you won't accept from anyone else. Make sure you set boundaries for acceptable behavior with him, and make sure you have consequences for those behaviors if he doesn't respect your boundaries.

Answer 6

I don't have a solution to your problem but I do think that one day he will look back at all you have done for him. then you will be proud to call him your son again. Don't give up on him or yourself you have put too much work into raising him to just throw it all away. He will come around to your way of thinking if not then he will at least respect it. I speak from experience because I was like that myself. my mom never gave up on me and i love her very much.and let me tell you I gave that woman pure HELL!! now things are different . If she would have given up on me I would probably be dead right now.Good luck and for god sake DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!

Answer 7

You may not have any choice but to kick his butt to the curb until he can talk to you with respect. It's called tough love hun and it works. If being in the Army didn't teach him anything , real life will.

Answer 8

Put him out and let him know this is your house and he will not get by with disrespecting you like that. Since he thinks so much of his friend maybe they can take him in and support him.

Answer 9

It is time to let the boy go. You have done the best that you can with what time and money you had. Now it is his time to move on. He will not learn to stand on his own two feet as long as he can use you to walk on! Love him, but let him go.

Answer 10

Verbal abuse is not acceptable even from a adult child. You do not need to accept this and should tell him to move and if not pack his things up and send him out.