why is it that most dads get the back end of the deal?

Question

why is it that most dads get the back end of the deal when it comes to children? My daughter's mother is a great parent just as i am, but a terrible wife. i pay voluntary child support, not because of court or anything, but because my daughter is my responsibility, for i brought her into this world and it's my job to take care of her. She's only 10 months, and i let her mother take her to another continent for a job while we figure out how we are going to share responsibilities. I wanted to keep her here, but listening to how much her mother is complaining how she does not see herself being that far away from her child, plus using the "i want to breast feed her for a whole year before stopping." For the health of the baby i had to make that hard choice. I don't want to be away from my child either, so how come it's the dads who mostly get the back end of that deal?

Answer 1

Historically, dads haven't stepped up to the plate. I am not saying that this makes it right, but the truth of the matter is most men are not as responsible as you are. They are forced to pay child support, they want to claim being a dad, but don't want the responsibility of doing what it takes to be a dad. I really hate to say that as I am really a strong advocate for the rights of dads, but I cannot begin to tell you the stories of daddies who blow smoke until the reality of taking care of a child 24/7 slaps him in the face. As for your case, If I were a man, momma would not have taken my child to a whole other country...you do have rights...moma would have had to DHL the breast milk...perhaps that is the real reason right there a woman would not just let the child go...how is being away from either parent in the child's best interest?

Answer 2

If fathers want to be treated as more than just a paycheck, they need to do the dirty work: change the babies' diapers, stay home with them when they are sick etc. When they allow their wives to do all this, the wives become "primary caregiver" and in court they will tend to get the kids.

I hear dads complain that all they get is visitation and the bills, but again, they enjoyed the benefit of a mom at home full time to do the child-rearing work. Guys need to demand that child-rearing is 50-50 and financial support of the family is 50-50, and only then will they be equal partners in parenting. You are off to a good start. But how are you going to maintain the relationship being so far away??

Answer 3

I know of a couple who is getting divorced, and right now. The wife is demanding a lot of things from the husband, and he's tolerating it, but I suspect that when it comes time to go to court, his attorney will have enough amunition (that she gave him), that she will get the back end of the deal.

I think that every divorce is different, because every person (and therefore every marriage) is different. You may have the raw deal right now, but if your ex-wife is breastfeeding for the first year, that will only last another 2 months.

I'd suggest the two of you go to mediation and get some sort of resolution soon. Leaving things in the air will only extend the anxiety and feelings of being in limbo.

Answer 4

I say it's because most dad's don't go to court and fight for themselves! My husband had children before we met. He fought for custody of his son and won and he fought in court to see his daughter every week (2 different mothers). It is just as important for you as a father to have a strong bond with your child as it is for her mother. Why did you just let her mother take her to another continent? The job and breast feeding things are B.S. While many prefer to breastfeed, your child's health would not be put at risk if she had stayed with you and was formula fed.

Answer 5

A lot of dad's just don't want to fight for their kids. I'm happy to see that you want to be with your daughter and are at least attempting to keep her in your life. It is better for her to be with her mother right now since she's so young, but when your daughter is a little older, things will improve. Just continue to stay on good terms with your ex and be there for your baby!

Answer 6

I agree, it isn't fair, but it isn't about you either. The main focus should be your daughter. You sound like a good dad. She's lucky to have both of you in her life. Do whatever you can to let her know how much you care about her. Send her letters when she gets older, perhaps do video cam, read stories on tape and send them to her. Share the little things with her, not just the main events. And see her whenever you can. God bless you all.

Answer 7

I think you should stand up for yourself. In many states, the law requires that if you make child support payments, then you can see the child regularly. This also means that the child can't be taken out of state. I suggest talking to an attorney.

Answer 8

Because that's how society is. They believe the children are better off with the mother although that is often not the case. Good luck:)

Answer 9

I believe most dad's get the back end of the deal because they didnt have to have the baby. and go through all the pain

Answer 10

When i met my husband he had custody of his two kids, also my brother has custody of his kids. I think the courts are getting better at looking at these cases. Most men do not fight or want to have their kids until they are remarried then they fight for them. Go for it if you want her. remember it comes with a lot of responsibility.