O.K. I need someones advice?

Question

I just did a Google search for my sons father, and it turned up a newspaper article in which he was arrested June 16th for driving while intoxicated, with a child. I have been searching for him for the past eight and a half years for child support with no luck. I called the police dept where he was arrested, who gave me the bond companies name. I called them and they gave me his work, work #, s.s.#, address, Everything. O.K. I should be happy, this is what I wanted for all these yrs. But now that I found him, I don't know whether to pursue child support or not. My son has a great step father, but does ask about his real dad. I don't say much, because he was a drug user then, probably still is, and evidently drinks and drives with children in the car. He was a big loser that would even slit his wrists. What would you do? Leave it alone, or attempt to let him see his son, supervised.

My son is eight and a half yrs old

Answer 1

You know, you knew about all this when you were looking for him. Had he suddenly turned upstanding citizen at some point he would've come looking for you to pay child support and be a part of his son's life. You should've considered this dilemna before spending 8 years tracking him down.

Unless you need the support, let him stay out of your life. Sounds like you've already blown the whistle on him anyway, so he'll have justice put to him. Your son may wonder where his real dad is, but better he wonder than know, if he's got a good father figure in his life right now.

Answer 2

Well, if your child is happy with his step father and knows the difference between good and bad behavior then I would explain to him what his biological father has done and why his behavior got him to where he is now in life. As much as u might not like it, ur child does have a right to know why his real dad is not around. It's best for children to be given a chance to understand the situation. I wouldn't have them meet though, due to the fact that he's not a good role model. I would for sure still have him pay child support, if it's not necessary for the child to know then don't have the child be involved since that usually gets very problematic. If ur child ever asks to see him, ask ur child what he want to get out of it and go from that. That's a tough question, but ur the only one that exactly knows how things have gone down so believe in yourself, and know what ever decisions u make are ones where u can later look back and know at least you tried ur best. Good luck.

Answer 3

Leave it alone. If he has a great step father then get rid of the word step and enjoy a nice family relationship. Later on when your son is old enough and has had a good basic upbringing, let him decide if he wants to meet his biological father.

Just because someone sires a child, doesn't make him a Dad. I am a step mother and my 2 step sons are as close to me as my biological children and to them, I am Mom. I never had to ask them to call me that, it was their decision. They consider their biological mother a lady who sent them a gift a Christmas when they were growing up, but I am Mom who always had the door open for them to come home no matter what they had done.

Lose the word step.

Answer 4

Well, it all depends on how old your son is. I mean if you dont need the child support money then why bother?? that would only give him more rights over you son and if I was you I wouldn't like that, since you said he was a drug user and stuff, I wouldn't want my son around him. But I would keep in mind telling him about his dad when he's the right age, when you feel like he would understand what happened and have judgment, he would probably just would like to see how he looks and acts, and when he sees that, he'll probably just be disappointed and wouldn't want to see him again...Good Luck!

Answer 5

Myself, I would just now slowly back away and forget that I found him. I mean, it's good that you did, so that you could tie up loose ends for yourself, but that's all, leave it alone. You probably wouldn't get any child support out of him anyway, and even if you did, he can't have much of an income, so it wouldn't be much. Not enough to make it worth it to have this loser back in your life. And, at least for now, I'm not too sure how crazy I'd be about my son meeting that dad.
Leave it alone for awhile at least, and maybe after a bit you'll be more sure what to do. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

I would let your son see his dad (only supervised of course), because if you don't when he gets older he might resent or be mad at you because you didn't let him see his dad. I would go for the child support because you have took care of this child with no help from his dad for 8 1/2 years. It might be that you get child support and your son doesn't have to see him. But you should give your son some reason why his dad isn't around.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

Well, first of all, child support and visitation are two totally separate things. Just because he pays, don't necessarily mean you have to let him see him. But if you did let him see him, I would under the circumstances, make sure it was supervised.
I feel everyone is entitled to see their child but only if there is in no way any harm to the child. I also think that both parents should be responsible for the financial upbringing of the child that they brought into this world. So what you need to decide is, is he the kind of influence you want in your child's life? If not, then let it go.

Answer 8

leave it alone, your son has a father although not biological, but these days sperm doesn't count - it is the role of the father and who plays it that does. tell him the man is either dead or crazy - i don't know. but what i do know is that he does not need that bad influence in his life - he does not need the drama and disappointment. like i said, he has a dad, and a great one - why would you be seeking him for child support all these years? he has a father (stepfather), let him be that. you are looking for nothing but trouble.
My father always told me that you cannot make a man do anything, and obviously he does not want to see his son - leave it alone and continue to move on. you have a happy life now, right?
Continue to live that way!!!

Good Luck!

Answer 9

Very very delicate and tough question. Depends on how old your son is. If he is young, I'd say let it go. Do not pursue it. When he is older (14-15) perhaps revisit what you'd like to do.

I probably have not been much help - but by not pursuing him you are keeping your son from being exposed to a situation that can only create more issues.

Answer 10

probably not, cause that would make things worse for him and his life. i mean you said he is a drug user and drinks, and not to mention that he cuts. well its so obvious that he is depressed and is trying to deal with problems in his life. you should tell your son about what kind of father he had and whatever else you want to tell him. but your son has a father even though its not his real father but that guy is there for him. well thats all your son needs is a loving and caring family.