Quick help me please...my wife and i are meeting tommorow.. we have been seperated for 3 weeks now?

Question

ok my wife and i have been together for almost 3 years. 3 weeks ago she left me for reasons i didnt know at the time. I am a changed man, and realized what i put my wife through( emotionally lazy) she told me that when we left eachother that its not goodbye its see u later. We used to be madly in love but it has slipped away these last 7 months. She calls me every now and then, but she has no emotion when we talk(I know now why) She said last time that we meet that i looked really good and i made her laugh. She always ask if Ive been with any girls on dates. (jealousy?)We both said tonight that we were both stood up for dates. I call her every now and then but i give her the space that we need. we are still legally married, and i can feel a small shift on how we see eachother now. She has been giving me money to help me out. I told her tonight that i now know what she was going through bc shes sort of doing it to me. Does she still care for me. What do I talk, look for when we talk tm

Answer 1

She can't let 'emotion cloud her judgement right now. My guess is she would care much more for you if...you were more responsible and attentive in the relationship. Most/some women do not want to be 'your mommy'. If she is giving you money...not good! When you meet with her you need to focus on her, how has she been doing, what are her feelings. Save the pretty words. She needs 'action' proof that you can handle this. Now if you were hurtful in your words and actions -or- lack of them these past months, it will take her a while to recover.
Good luck. Let us know what happens by using the 'add detail button, OK.

Answer 2

Dude, before you accept all the blame for your wife leaving you, needing her space, you being emotionally lazy and all that other stuff. Check out womensinfidelity.com. Read up on that. Check out what it has to say about women that have been married for 3 years, YEP they single that time frame out. Check out what they have to say about women needing "space."

Dude, nothing will change a man faster than the love of his life walking out on him...so I believe you that you are a changed man. I bet you have been looking at each and every action, activity and so forth trying to find 100% of the blame in yourself, and I bet you have been successful. I also bet that you believe with all your heart that your wife isn't the kind of girl that would cheat, right? Yep, all men think that. No man marries a woman thinking she is the cheating type. You are no different.

Dude, and this is the worst part of the entire deal, whatever you do don't kiss her hindend, beg her to come home, tell her this is all your fault, completely internalize the blame, etc. it will only drive her away further and allow her to stomp all over your heart even further. On the flip side, you cannot, NO MATTER WHAT, get angy with her, yell, be hateful, argue and so forth...that will do no good either. It's a complete catch 22. You gotta remain calm, keep your emotions to yourself, be honest, hold back judgement...it almost has to go down like a business meeting.

I know how you feel. It is absolutely horrible. It is like your favorite teamate jumped to your rival and is now working/playing against you. The emotions that she displays are absolutely different and unusual, (that is a defense mechanism on her part, btw). She is never going to admit, no matter what, any wrong doing. She is going to place this all on you, and she will never crack on that. She brought about this situation and she doesn't want to accept any responsibility. I mean, has she really ever accepted any ever before for fights, wrong doing, etc.? I doubt it.

Finally, remember, there is no such thing as a timeout in a marriage. IF there is no abuse or infidelity, why cant you work this out under the same roof? Well, why do you think?

I wish you the best of luck getting your wife back. Divorce is horrible. Just do a gut check, deep down, and decide if you will ever be able to forgive her or trust her ever again, because if you can't you will make both of your lives miserable forever, which isnt fair to either of you, no matter what she did.

Stay Up Playa!

Answer 3

"Emotionally Lazy?" Did you get that from her?

What you should do is ask her if she's plucked that wild hair yet. For all you know, she's been whooping it up with some other fellow and decided she has had enough, time to come back and see if you're ready to grovel now.

What you need to do is (if this is true) tell her you still love her and are willing to work on things, if she is also willing to do the same. Show her you have enough respect for yourself that this relationship has to bring some intrinsic value to your life.

No marital problem is 100% one person's fault. Ever. Even when one is a complete victim, there is an aspect to the undesired behavior that has been augmented by both parties (to everyone reading: I am NOT saying victims "ask for it"...but that there is something in their behavior that invites it; they are responsible for themselves inasmuch as they need to find a way to protect themselves).

And I'm not even calling you a victim, anyway. If your weren't keeping your end of the bargain in the relationship, both of you need to ask, "why?" If you really believe that you have all the answers after 3 weeks of skulking in lonliness, you are sadly mistaken, my friend. Look at the bigger picture and then move forward with whatever you decide to do.

Answer 4

Yes I think I understand your problem. Also, I feel that your wife loves you very much. Three weeks ago, she left u so that u understand how it is without her. Dear friend, Marriage is a permenant date (no more dates now). When u meet her,tell her that u r sorry and that u wont repeat the wrongs u have done. She wants u to earn well and live agood and comfortable family life. Remember, she loves u and cares for u very much. make the most of the meeting. wishing u the best.

Answer 5

Yes she still cares for you and you do not look for anything because everything is there in front of you. You are a changed man because she brought to your attention what you were not doing to fullfill her needs but have you figuered out why you were meglecting to do that in the first place. Figuere that out first so that three years from now you're not going through this again just because you felt the shoe on the other foot. T hen take this time to get to know your wife all over again...right now you need to rebuild your friendship in order to rebuild your marriage...do the things you first did to get her when you met her...

Answer 6

Tell her how you really feel that you have really changed I think she still loves you it is obvious, she would not give you money, talk to you, say you look good and made her laugh . I do not know why you were separated but maybe you could try a therapist to work out big problems, then sweep her off her feet, be creative show her in words and action. Good luck.

Answer 7

Sorry to say this, but if the both of you are into seeing other people, i think your marraige is over. I'd be distant right back, and she may realize what she has lost. Marraige isnt a 5 or 6 year contract, and when you have problems, you leave, love is forever, and people who are really in love work out their issues, not step out, physically or emotionally. sorry, and good luck

Answer 8

Treat her like it was the first time you met, men get too comfortable with a woman and usually take them for granted, just always even 10 yrs. from now treat her like its the first time you met or the last time you'll ever see her again, the rest should fall in place and always be honest no matter the downfall.

Answer 9

Be real and treat her like a lady...small talk and let her lead the way. You have got a great opportunity, do not press it but let the connection happened on it's own. She does care but love is a different matter that's more up to her than you.
Be humble but not a whimp!

Answer 10

There is a lot of history there. You need to be open and honest with her. And don't take any more money from her. Show her that you can stand on your own two feet and she will respect you and maybe she will come back to you. Hope it works out...