One more serious question for the night?

Question

Will read answers in the morning and hope you all sleep well. We live in an apt. upstairs-stairs are in the apt.-not outside. Wall between downstairs neighbors is very thin and they have 2 babies down there-VERY NICE PEOPLE. I have teen son (17) and he has a lot of friends. Neighbor knocked on door-asked if we'd be more quiet going down and I said yes. Put a note on door to remind all his friends. They came in tonight, laughing/running upstairs. I asked if they saw note-they said "yes" and walked away. I was upset (we need to LIVE here). I taped a note at top of stairs: "do not talk, laugh or run while in stairway or there will be a limit of who visits or who needs to be met outside" - well similar to that. Son got angry-said I need anger counseling. I let all his friends in here all the time. I enjoy their company but I evidently humiliated them. I said "they disrespected me-said they read the note and still came in loud" -- was I THE WRONG ONE HERE?

Plus I've always allowed them to be themselves and have always enjoyed their company but they can't respect me or neighbors. These aren't BAD kids either. I don't get it. Everything is always my fault and i'm the bad one.

Also, my son likes the neighbors!!

Answer 1

At 17 years of age your son should act more responsibly. Teen- agers often do not appreciate the fact that their behaviour and that of their friends can be extremely annoying to other people; especially if the other people are living in the same building. I think that your son needs counselling by someone who can teach him what is normally regarded as good polite ADULT behaviour. You are certainly not the one who was in the wrong by speaking to your son about the noise made by him and his friends.

Answer 2

No you are not wrong. Your son and his friends have to respect the rules and other people's right to peace. I would tell my son if his friends cannot follow the rules then he will have to pay the consequences. This could include not allowing them to come over for a week or having him apologize to the neighbors. It's not just you they are disrespecting here.

And don't sweat your son's comment about anger management. Teenagers have a tendency to exaggerate. What you said was totally appropriate.

Answer 3

No darling. You are the Mom and that is YOUR home. You are writing notes...it doesn't GET any NICER than that. His friends had the nerve to make a comment about his Mom and then he degraded you with a low blow comment. Tell him to respect, honor and obey you. Do not mince your words, darling. You did not humiliate them, they have a problem with authority...even though they are "good kids" they are out of line here. Change the rules starting today. Mom needs no comments from the peanut gallery. You are the final word. Explain that you are leasing borrowed property and it is a priviledge that comes with RULES. Make no apologies darling. Take back your power. And I thought I was too sweet. Assertiveness is your friend. Use it honey.

Answer 4

u did nothing wrong. u left the note requesting that they were quiet, and they saw it and disregarded it. u then said something about it, and u obviously don't want to disturb the neighbors. so u should get that through his head, and maybe he'll just be a little quieter ur not asking very much of him and his friends.

Answer 5

Everything is not your fault! You are doing a great parental duty, and if your son doesn't respect that, then he shouldn't have any more friends over for a while, or at least limit his number of friends. You are doing great.

Answer 6

your not the bad one there teenagers they don't understand that other people are there unless it helps them , be the parent don't let them push you around then they real won't respect you