What Should I do?

Question

Me and my husband are 1 year married and 6 years together. He is the best father the best husband. But he doesn't like the things I like to do he doesn't like to go out and have a drink with me. doesnt like to go out at all except to go to the movies. doesnt like to go to parties wedding carnivals festivals ect. this is starting to aggreviate me and is causing for us to have a lot of problems what should I do?

Answer 1

WOW! This exact same thing happened with one of my best friends and his wife, (the wife was just as good of a friend). They were together from the time we were young high-schoolers. He, seriously, used to be the life of the party. He was always out drinking with us, partying, going to parties, concerts, bars (long before we were ever old enough) and so forth.

Fastforward!

They got married right after they both graduated from college. Around that time, he literally started acting like you describe your husbad. I mean, he is a wonderful dude. He did anything and everything for her; they didn't have kids, but he was a wonderful uncle to her nephews, and so on. Slowly but surely, she just started going out with our crew without him. It seriously got to a point where I would call their house and just talk to her about upcoming events, because he would never do anything. He wouldn't go out and drink, go to bars, parties, festivals, etc. Then, he would, more or less, complain about her going out and getting drunk, like there was something wrong with it.

This girl is one of the nicest, sweetest, most attractive, I could go on and on about what a wonderful wife and girl she is. I have literally known her since she was like 12. She is the type of girl that didn't like to argue, fight or bring about confrontation so she held in, forever, how much it was hurting her that he wouldn't go out and be by her side. My man, just like all us dumb men, never realized how much this bothered her, because she never told him. He, honestly, never really thought about it. He figured she was plenty happy just going out with her friends, his friends too.

Well, she held it in till she could not take it anymore, and one day just unloaded on him and left him. She wasn't cheating, looking for another man or anything like that. She moved back in with her parents; there weren't kids involved, etc. Well, this absolutely destroyed my man. I mean, he never realized how upset she was, that it even bothered her. Then, 1 day, she just dropped this on him. She didn't even give him warning, give him a chance to rectify the situation, etc..

The Aftermath!

They are both absolutely miserable. She lives with her parents, and wishes she had her husband back. He lives alone, is lonely, depressed and so forth, because he lost his wife. She wants to come home, but, even though he wishes could let her, he won't, because, not only did she destroy his heart, but how will he ever be able to trust that she won't do it again. Plus, how could he ever allow himself to have kids with a girl that would rather walk out than work out issues. Sure, it was a wake-up call. He is now back to his oldself, going out, drinking, partying, etc., but they are both seriously miserable!

Final Note!

You have every right to be upset. You have got to give your man a wakeup call. Remember, men are pretty dumb when it comes to relationships and feelings, you will need to really to rattle his cage. It may take help from friends and family. Sure, people will say never to involve friends in a relationship manner. However, if your husband has friends that are like brothers, like me and some of my friends, having a talk with them and having them shake him up is a really good idea, especially if you have a friend, like me in this situation, that you are just as close to as your husband. If my friends wife would have called him out, called me and explained how upset she was and had me talk to him, this all could have been avoided. I could see that his actions upset her. Instead, she called me crying right after she walked out the door on him, but, by then, it was too late. The damage was done.

Listen, you guys have kids. You say how wonderful of a husband and father he is, you gotta give him a wakeup call and work through this. Trust me, this can be fixed. It is important for married couples to hang out together, like you want...so you have to demand it. Your husband just doesn't have a clue how bad this hurts you.

Final note:

Anyone that suggests that you leave for happiness or suggests that you find a new man/a man tohave fun with/a man to party with, is a sorry/sad person that does not care about you, your child, your man and your long-term happiness.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

The only thing you can do is go ahead and go to these events without him. He might tire of being alone and want to give some of these things a try after all. We all aren't going to enjoy the same things, but just don't stay home and not do the things that you would like to do. A good father and husband mean something, so go with a great friend or relative if he doesn't care to.

Answer 3

Once in a while just go out with your friends or kids or relatives if he doesn't want to go out w/ u. Or bring home some of the activities which you enjoy doing outside. You don't have to force him to enjoy coz you have different interests. You are even lucky that he is a homebody type of man.

We're also in this situation, & once in a while when we go out we split directions and just meet halfway at the end of the day. We both enjoy telling to each other our own activities. I'm a totally outgoing type of person while he's not but it really never bugged us together. We're 16 years married w/ 4 kids.

Answer 4

Well, as far as the going to the bar for a drink, you can do that at home. I mean, why go to a bar to sit in front of a bunch of other people and drink. A bar is usually a singles setting anyway. Movies are kewl but would get old. I dunno...ask for compromise. If he can't compromise and do the things you want will you love him less? If you feel as though you will love him less than maybe he isnt the guy for you after all?

Answer 5

I went through the same with my husband and ultimately I wasn't able to get him to compromise, we're now going through a divorce. When a couple dosen't find a way to compromise and find that common ground it becomes a bit drab. Try u'r hardest to get him interested in what u like. I'm curious to know that if u have been together for 5 years prior to getting married why did u marry him if u knew that u'r interest were very different.

Answer 6

You are an extrovert, he is an introvert. He gets strength from staying home and being alone, you from being with lots of people.

If you try to change what he is, you won't succeed!

Try to find a way so that each of you can get what you need. Perhaps he could join you sometimes, and be alone others (maybe even sending the kids to a babysitter or relative) while you spend time with others.

If you think of it as "how we're made," instead of "what's wrong with him?" the two of you will figure it out.

Answer 7

Is your husband afraid of big crowds? It seems like everything you like to do is surrounded with a lot of people. maybe he feels intimidated by large crowds. try asking him if this is the reason he does not like to do things with you. Why not find things that you, him and your child(ren) can do in an environment that is not as crowded. Such as going to a park, flying a kite in an open field, go on a picnic, take a walk around your neighbourhood.

Answer 8

You guys knew the opposite things before and must compromise now.

Please, don't act foolish over this! You can enjoy the company of someone if your Husband okayed this and go to the Wedding, etc. If he didn't then, don't entertain the Devil!

Answer 9

Look you married him because you loved him right? You have to except the bad with the good. There's things you absolutely love about him and there will be those things that you just can't stand. Try talking to him about it, but remember compromising. Maybe you need to do things with him that he's enjoys too.

Answer 10

Sit down with him and find out why he doesn't enjoy going out. Find out what the root of the problem is - the sooner you find out the "why" the sooner you can find a way to find some common ground. Make it plain that going out is important to you and you want to share it with him, and in kind, you will rent a movie now and again - just spending a quiet night in with him and a bucket of popcorn.

Answer 11

Wow, that is a dozy. Is his lack of participation in your activities a deal breaker or not?

If it is, you need to talk to him and work to a compromise, otherwise things will build up and you will have more problems.

I would try to find out what he does want to do and have both of you work to a common middle ground, otherwise, you'll just do what you want without him, and that will drive a wedge between you.

Good luck