Should I give another chance? or divorce?

Question

I was in marriage of 5 years. I was abused emotionally by my husband, the marriage was sexless (not at all), he was financially, mentally irresponsible. After I told him I want divorce, now he is crying, begging, trying to show what I was arguing about last 5 years. He said he realizes he was doing all those painful things to me and now he promises that he will make it better. But I think he is suffering from psychological disorder, such as peter pan syndrome as well as narcissistic personality disorder. He says he will also go see doctor for his sexual problem as well as therapist for his mental problem. He hasn't put any effort or tried anything in last 5 years. He said he didn't take what I was saying seriously. Now that he is begging, I sort of feel bad, yet, I can't believe he treated me like that last 5 years. I don't think his mental problem is easy to fix since he was abused as a child (emotionally, mentally, physically). Should I give another chance?

We have no kids. We did have some good times and there was moments that he was nice to me etc.

Answer 1

I guess you could give him a few more days. Of course if someone hasn't tried to changed in 5 years.... I have my doubts

Answer 2

Well, I guess it all depends on how much more you want to put into this relationship. I think he has hit rock bottom...he sees that you are moving on...and are serious about it. Sometimes thats all that it takes to get us guys going in the right direction. I would say to think about it this way.

If he didn't have his emotional, mental and physical problems how do you think the marriage would be? Could you see it working beyond that? I mean if you have a little more time to spare I would say try and get him the help he needs...I think that would be very benificial atleast for him...but if you truly can't take it no more...you should go ahead and divorce him. But also take note that he prolly from here will not fix his problem...

Personally I would give him a shot..give him support and maybe his problems could be fixed...you may be his angel...sadly it took 5 years for him to see that. So I would try and get him the help and if he reverted back to his old ways...then let go and move on. But who knows he may be a prince charming in hidding...it seems he truly wants to get help because he's seeing that his way is losing his wife...

but of coarse its up to you...you seem like a strong gal...so maybe you helping him will give you guys a fresh start. Let us know what you decide...and good luck...either way your going to have a bumpy road ahead of you...

Answer 3

before i answer the question , i have a question and that is has he ever put his hands on you. I hope that is a no and my answer would be yes there needs to be a second chance. you also didnt metion he was cheating so again there needs to be another chance. i understand that the last five years have been tough but you hung in there, so hang in there now because now is when everything will be the way you wanted or the way you dreamed your marriage would be. It is very eassy to pull the plug and give up on marriage as most people due but try not to this time. still put in the same effort you have been the difference will be your husband putting in his effort.he is just no realizing you are ready to walk if he doesnt get his act together , basicly it sounds like he never believed you would leave him and now facing that he has to options really only one and that is to get it together. you dont know me but if you hung in there for five years you can hang for 6 months and witness his change. i truly hope he isnt talking out his but but the only way to find out is to give him the chance.....

Answer 4

I can't believe you would ask such an important question on Yahoo! Answers. I mean are you really going to follow anybody's advice?? I can't believe that anything I say is going to hold water so it would really be a waste of my time and yours to give you my answer. You should really go to couples' counselling. It sounds like your husband is willing. Even if the marriage can't be saved, a therapist can work with you and help you figure out why you put up with his s[h]it for 5 years and help you figure out how to not fall for another guy like him if you do divorce. If you two stay together the counselor can help you not enable him to be childish and self-centered and can help you get a sex life going.

Good luck :)

Answer 5

You mean to say you Build your marriage for 5 Bloody year's and your just going to dump him?

People dont change when you want them to it takes time patience.Your Husband is already begging give him another chance to prove himself. It's hard for him which you gotta understand and you can't just expect changes if your not going to put in a little effort for him. Give him the support, After all he was an abused child which the past trauma is hard to let go. No one can erase that pain but you can make him forget about it by changing it with your passion instead of you hurting him even more. I know your angry at him but just think back in memory lane how hard it was building this marriage think about how you guy's met and how you went thru with his/your parents just so you guy's can bond together. I hope you make the right decision 5 years for me its already building an empire and it only takes 1 day to tear it all down to ruins.

Answer 6

If you can get some counseling for yourself, that would likely help. I do not mean marriage counseling for the both of you, I mean for you personally. It may help you to see things more objectively and help you decide what is best for you (which doesn't appear to be remaining with him). My gut feeling is you tolerated it for 5 years already, it's time for a major change for the better. Also, he seems to be desperately making promises now, ones that he likely will not keep. Don't expect him to change.

You may also want to check out Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book titled "Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives". After I read it I got out of a "going nowhere" relationship and never looked back. It gives the reader a sense of hope, independence and strength. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

I was in a 3 year relationship that sounds similar to your experience. He would abuse me emotionally and he never held a job longer than a week. When he would get paid he'd buy a carton of cigarettes, a national enquirer and blow the rest going to play video games, of course he was 24 and immature but that is not the point. We had a near sexless relationship as well. At one point I said something dumb to him (no need to get into details, point was what he did was not justified)and he pierced my leg with the end of the pen he was writing with. I gave him many many chances to change and at the end I said to myself," There is no trust, or respect in this relationship, so there is no love."and I prayed and then one day when we were on our way to go play darts, I casually told him(since he said that when I yelled at him he didn't listen to me; that he didn't believe what I said when I was yelling)that at the end of the month the lease was over on our townhome and I was concerned where he was moving to. That was that, he was never going to change. I was always near tears and never happy after 6 months into the relationship. Make up your mind what you want to do, but remember don't let him take your happiness away. He'll do it, you'll see. Where was the respect? There was none. Glgl and God bless you in this. Love yourself first! Here, check this out, he called this my "Bible" the reason I got out of that unhealthy relationship before I drowned in it.

Answer 8

That is a hard situation. You are the only one that can make the decision. It is so easy for all of these people to say "leave", "don't give him another chance" but, either you can forgive or you can't! That is something you have to do some serious soul searching over. If he has just recently come to realize the extent of damage he has caused in your marriage, you may want to wait and see if he is capable of changing! BUT, if you are in any danger, you need to think of your safety. So..... Just pray that you make the right decision and that he really does change. I really do feel for you!!

Answer 9

Sexless marriages usually signal that the man is/was heavily involved in porno. No abusive person has any business being in a relationship. Love is not a feeling or an emotion, it is an act of the will. Love seeks to give, lust mearly seeks to fulfill selfish desires immediately. You must consider these things...

Answer 10

That is just like saying "he beats me and he said he loves me and will never do it again." You go back into this relationship of abuse and it is more than likely to happen all over again. You shouldn't subject yourself to this person or anyone like them. Just think about if you decide to get back with him and you have children. Do you really think that his mind state will allow him to do right by his family. You have to think about the past as wel as the future. I don't believe things will change just be cause he said they will. Why couldn't he see his mistakes 4.5 years ago and try to work on them then? You have given too much of yourself already. Let it go babe. It is time. I wish you the best...

Answer 11

His reaction could be sincere, but it could be another manipulative attempt on his part. Only time will tell. Move in with your parents/sister/whatever for a while and see what happens. Don't give him a time frame and see what happens. If you tell him, I will come home in 2 months, he will "behave" for two months. If you don't give him a time frame and he is being insincere, he will crack. Then you will know if it is a real change or a "oh my gosh, she left me, what am I going to do to get her back?" change.

Unfortunately, it sounds like he is not sincere. So, don't feel bad if he is hurting. It sucks for him, but why should you sacrifice another 5 years of your life to find out if he really means it this time?