No gay friends??

Question

My partner always accuses me of being "stuck up" because I don't have gay friends like he does.

Here's the thing: all the gay I know in my community like to get drunk, go to the clubs, sleep around, and do drugs. Even the "working" ones seem to be just totally outrageous and off the wall.

I am the kind of guy that works, comes home, manage my home business, watch a little TV and play around on here, go to the theatre, a fundraiser... stuff like that. I don't consider myself "stuck up," just GROWN UP.

Am I wrong? Do I need to totally change my lifestyle and trash everything I like to do just so I can "fit in" with other gays instead of continuing on like this.... hanging out with my straight friends that like similar activities? I mean, it's not like I am not ACTIVE in the gay community, it's just that that scene doesn't interest me. Aside from business and fundraisers, I am hardly ever out in the GLBT part of town.

I guess what I am asking is, "is it wrong to be gay and not have a ton of gay friends?"

Randy W: "Having only gay friends is not very diverse..." LOL, I like that!

Okay, just so you know... I am not a "self-hating f@g," (and I swear if anyone says anything about me using that term then he or she is a complete moron) and I am actually quite active. I am not a "stick in the mud..."

I am not judgmental, either... I don't have a problem with the whole glitzy gay lifestyle, it is just not my scene. I have better things to spend $200 on than a night's worth of drinks at a club for me and a couple friends.

Answer 1

Hun, I am in the same boat as you, well, as a lesbian woman! I work hard, and spend the rest of my time with my girlfriend! Neither of us drink, do drugs, or go to clubs! And we aren't friends with any of the other lesbians in our town because that's all they do! Your not wrong for that, and don't think of yourself as stuck up, because if you are, then I am too! Just keep doing what your doing! Don't change yourself to make other people like you, they should only be friends with you for who you are, not someone your not!

Answer 2

If it's a problem in your relationship, or even for you on a personal level, you CAN have gay friends that aren't all about the bars and clubs. We do exist. (Out of curiosity, you haven't made any friends from said business and fundraisers?)
It is normal that you're going to be more inclined towards people who share interests with you; whatever. I would only say to you that there are certainly gay people with those interests; either you're not looking for more friends, or you're actively not-seeking gay friends (probably not, but maybe), or you haven't run into anyone yet that you click with who also happens to be gay.

I think the more important question, though, is why your partner accuses you of such. Is it because you don't have gay friends, or because you don't have friends "like he does" (ie said partyers). Might be something y ou should talk about.

Answer 3

Its not wrong, but I can see what he is getting at. Think about this, alof of straight people (not saying all) wouldn't be caught dead with a gay person. And so many gays (again not all) tend to stay away from the people that hate them. Maybe he feels like you are fratinizing with the enemy. Or maybe not being as close to the family. And he wants you be apart of what he is apart of. Really you should talk to him about it.
Maybe you two are just too different for each other. You both might want very different things.
You seem to be goal oriented towards having a family, building a home, and making a career. Maybe doesnt want that..........

Answer 4

My ex is my amazing pal, and 2 alternative gay adult males. That makes 3 amazing friends that are gay. once you've 3 gay amazing friends, i'm prepared to wager that the leaf would not fall too some distance from the tree.

Answer 5

Go for more gay friends if you want. I've never heard of people having to meet a quota for having a certain number of gay friends.

I just feel that you might be neglecting areas for meeting gays. Gays don't just go to clubs and whore around. Is there a gay lesbian community center where you live? If there is you are blessed. It is a great alternative to the club life style. They have movie nights, wine tastings, book readings, have social and self help group meetings there. You are not alone - a lot of gays don't like the clubs. They feel they are shallow and unfulfilling.

Answer 6

i'm a lesbian an have more straight friends than gay, too. i'm also a recovering addict/alcholic. but all the gay people/couples i know drink or do drug. so i don't hang out with them. you have that right i choose not to hang out with them because we don't have the same things in common. don't change who you are if your perfectly happy with it. might as well be straight if that's the case. besides if you found more gay people that had your same interest at hand you might find another partner that shares the same interest that you value more than the one you have now. values and standing strong on your belief is nothing to be wrong about, as long as you don't think your better than another human being.

Answer 7

No, but you're assuming that you're the only gay guy in the world who doesn't do the stuff that you seem to dispise. Do you dispise yourself for being gay, and transfer those feelings to the gay community?

Of course it is not wrong to prefer other activities, but to be honest you do sound pretty darn judgemental and inflexible. Stuck up? or just Stick in the mud? Why does he stay with you?

Answer 8

i will ask you this question, have you ever heard of the saying, "be in the world, not of it?" if you haven't or don't understand what it means-not insulting your intelligence, just want to make sure we are on the same page-it means that you can be among the people who do things that you wouldn't do, but not do those things yourself.
you can totally be friends with the clubbers and "gay scene" gays, but just because you are friends with them doesn't mean that you're going to do the same things as they do.
it never hurts to open yourself to others in the community, to get a new perspective from them, and give yours as well. but no matter what, you can't look down on them for what they do. you got to give respect to get it.
now am i saying you have to be in the club with them 24/7? no, but it doesn't hurt to have a group of friends-even if it's just 2 or 3 who you hang out with maybe once or twice a month and hit a club with them. just make sure that they know what you and your partner's boundaries are, and that you won't cross them. and just have fun. and you never know, you might enjoy the night out.

Answer 9

No, there's nothing wrong with you. You are just living a clean and safe life. Being gay myself, I don't really like the club scene either because of how dangerous it can be. So there's nothing you need to change about yourself.

Answer 10

no, you don't have to have a 100 gay guy friends, in fact i have a lot of friends who are like you, very much more homebody. and i think you need to realize that this is part of being active in the gay community. i'm not saying go out and party and dance, but you need to go see the community at all hours you should be aware what is happening becuase everything they do is affecting you.