Is this abuse or am I just stupid?

Question

I have been married for awhile now. I have four children from my previous marriage and I have a new baby girl and a step daughter. My husband never even bought a wedding ring for me, yet he bought one for himself. He didnt congradulate me when we had my daughter and didnt even get a gift or a flower. He has never suprised me with a gift, but has gotten flowers when I have thrown fits, twice. He has often told me that the women of his past were models and so pretty, such large breasts and in good shape. Christmas, Birthdays, not ever a gift. I had beautiful clothes which I sold all on ebay, and I havent even enough clothing now to go out the door and look good, because I am pregnant again. He treats his daughter, my step-daughter like a queen and the other children, not bad, but not as good as her at all. I feel very ugly, very unloved and very used. He has cheated while I was engaged to him because he stated he thought I was cheating. I dont trust him, recently catching him flirting.

Just two weeks ago he told his friends he wished to sleep with this woman and last week I ended up in the hospital. The hospital called him many times to come and get me and he didnt show up, thus causing me a ride home from a complete stranger, and he stated, " I thought you were playing games and not really at the hospital!" I stated, " Well, I have been gone all night and you didnt even call me to see if I was ok?" I have never had a back rub from him, not even prego and while prego everynight I rubbed his back. He has made in fun of even my feet saying that he doesnt rub my feet due to their dryness. I do all the work in the bed, and I have never had an orgasm from his work, always my own. I dont understand if I am DUMB or what?

Answer 1

it's both... it's mental abuse and you're stupid for allowing it.... he's only doing what he's been allowed to do. Good luck :)

Answer 2

Sorry, but it's both. If he cheated while you were engaged, you should have never gotten married. He treats you like an unpaid maid and apparently, something to have sex with when he feels like it. There were several red flags before you got married which I think you ignored in favor of security for you and your children. As there are six children involved and another on the way, I would suggest marital counseling immediately. If he won't go, then definitely go by yourself. I would also suggest that if you aren't involved in a church, please find a good one where there are people who will understand your situation and give you the emotional support you need. I have found that Bible-based churches are very good at this. Please don't wait another day to get help; there are people that care and want to help you. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

His actions are making you feel bad about yourself, he mental abuses you by comparing you to other women, next time he brings up one of these busty models he use to date do a small chuckle under your breath type thing and tell him you would like to meet her. I highly doubt any would date such an insensitive clown like him. Cut you loses hun and get out. You deserve to be treated much better. Oh an a FYI, my guy has talked about (and shown me pictures) of his old girlfriends, some were very good looking but he never lets me forget that I am beautiful and as he say more so then any of them. In the bedroom it is all about me for him and he tells me that every women should be made to feel the same. If a guy loves you they want you to feel like the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to them.

Answer 4

Id say it is a form of abuse, a form of mental abuse, esp. when you were hospitalized, assuming you were joking, and never cared to check up on you. Then telling you his past women were like pretty models, etc.... WHY would you sell your clothes??????? ......Wow! So, you married him even after you knew he cheated?? Another form of mental abuse, because he blamed you!

I guess the BIG question here is, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL WITH THAT LOSER???????

Get out of there, havent you any self respect at all?? ANY??? Hes a cheater, and he will keep doing it, esp. treating you the way he does, just leave!! You would be doing yourself the biggest favor in the world, and get yourself some self worth, self respect while youre at it..

Answer 5

this is not abuse, i am sorry for what has and is happening to you it is not right at all, with in a family all should be treated equal especially in a blended house, your husband doesn't seem to care allot about you and it is pathetic to even hear that he left you at the hospital cause he thought you where joking that is f***ed up and really wrong, the fact that he is not sharing in the pregnancy shows that he is not much of a man at all after all it is the most beautiful this that will ever happen in ones life
and i wouldn't trust him either

i really feel for you and i think you should leave him you don't deserve this no one does you deserve to be treated like a mother and a wife, this is so unfair to you

i hope you put this man in his place
(remember there are descent men out there so don't be in fear of being alone if you leave him)

Answer 6

No you're not stupid....you're a complete and total dumb a$$. He treats you this way because YOU ALLOW IT. He will never treat you any better because you don't value yourself enough to require it. First of all you should have never married an unfaithful man (he cheated on you when you were ONLY the girlfriend). When you married him, you told him that it is okay for him to cheat and disrespect you, you've silently accepted his deceit and betrayal. Are you surprised that he wants to sleep with other women? Really..are you? As far as having children with him...what were you thinking? My bad, stupid people don't think; fore if they did they wouldn't be stupid. THEREFORE, I THINK deep down inside you may be a smart woman who has made a foolish choice. Do yourself and your children a favor...search for that woman!! Find your self esteem., self respect, self worth, pride, and dignity...as soon as you do..you'll feel allot better about yourself.

Answer 7

Sweetheart, you're not stupid, you're in love. Guess what. You need to get over it. This guy is a total loser. Do you actually believe he will treat you better over time? If anything, it's going to get worse, not just for you, but for your kids. Don't walk, RUN!!!!! Get some counseling, go to a place for abused women, live in a friggin' box, just get away from this bastard. You will never have any happiness, nor will your children, as long as you are with him. God bless you, Darlin', no one can help you but you. Take that step. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for the kids! Good luck.

Answer 8

Well G/F, your pregnant again. You sound like you very early in your pregnancy. Before you get to the point where you can't do it, move on. Get settled before the baby is born.

You're a single mom and there is money & answers for you out there somewhere. Start looking & get moving.

BTW, you are not stupid you just made a very poor choice here. Accept it as a lesson & get going.

Answer 9

You are in a very bad situation. It IS mental ABUSE. You are NOT stupid. You are in need of positive feelings from someone who cares. A family member or family counselor (or church or social worker) is a place to start. For the well-being of your children and yourself. So much life happiness is awaiting you, YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY & so do your children. You cannot get back the time you have with them as children-give them the legacy of good memories that include a happy & well-adjusted mom! You can do it! I BELIEVE IN YOU!

Answer 10

ummmmmm, okay. wow. you asked several questions, so i'll do my best. He is using you. He is cheating on you. No, you arent dumb, but you have very low self-esteem, or you wouldnt have stayed engaged to him after he cheated on you. Now, of course, your self esteem is way low, after being with someone who is EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. He sees that you are putting up with being treated like trash, so he continues on, and i would bet my next income tax check that he is cheating. Also, i see the hospital visit by you as a manipulative move, to see what he would do, to see if he loves you. Well, baby, you got your answer. If it is at all possible, you need to rid yourself of this worthless scum as soon as you can. It will only get worse. I guarantee that.

Answer 11

There is a difference between abuse and neglect. What you're describing is not abuse. But the spirit can die from neglect just as quickly.
You're being used. He's with you because it costs him very little emotionally. You're a convenience. Once you become inconvenient, he'll walk away without once looking back, taking everything with him that he can.
Prepare for the divorce now. It's coming. If not from you, definitely from him.