what is the funniest joke you know?(make me laugh plez)?

Answer 1

Adam wasn't made first, Eve was, and she was given three ****. She went to the Lord and asked, "Lord, why do I have this third tit?" The Lord answered, "Well, it's to make you prettier." "No, Lord", Eve said, "I mean, what is it for?" The Lord looked at Eve, and replied "It's for beauty!" "Lord", Eve sighed, "I mean, what is it FOR?" "Ah," said the Lord, finally understanding what she meant, "it's for nothing." "Well then, I don't want it!" she said. "Ok, ok, quit your bitching and I'll take care of it!" the Lord said. So Eve went to bed and the Lord took off the third tit. Eve woke up in the morning with two ****, happy as a lark, and went to work in the garden of Eden. Sometime later, a man walked by. "Lord?" Eve called. "Yes Eve" the Lord answered. "Who is that?" "Oh, his name is Adam." Eve looked confused. "Where did he come from Lord?" And the Lord answered,




"You remember that useless tit you didn't want hanging around....?"

Answer 2

I just got my new Lexus RX400H. I returned it to the dealer, complaining that I could not figure out the radio. He said it was "voice activated -- watch this" He said Nelson, the radio played Ricky or Willie? I said Willie, & the radio continued..."then on the road again..." playing from the speakers. I drove away happy & for the next few days, every time I'd say "Beethoven", beautiful classical music would play. If i said "Beatles", I'd get one of their gold-record songs. But one day, a lady ran a red-light and nearly creamed my new dream car. I had to really swerve to miss her. I yelled "ASSHOLES" The radio began to play the French Natinal anthum, sung by Jane Fonda & Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drumbs, & Bill Clinton on sax...Gosh, I love this car!!!

Answer 3

A man died and went to heaven. As he was reviewing his life, he noticed that there were many times when there was a shining pair of footprints besides his own in the sands of life, and he realized that those were God's footprints; during the good times.

But at other points in time, he noticed that there was only one set of footprints, and the rest of the sand was covered with gouges and claw marks. He was disappointed that God did not seem to be present when he had been in his times of deepest distress.

So he resolved to ask God about it. And when he met God, he said, LORD, I saw the times when You walked by my side, and I appreciate that. But there were other times, when I saw only one pair of footprints... and all these gouges and claw marks in the sand...where were You then, when I needed you...?

And the LORD told him, "My precious, precious child. Those were the times when I had to drag you, kicking and scratching...!"

(What makes this joke so very funny, is that-- for most of us-- it is SO TRUE.)

Answer 4

There was this guy who believed that God would save him no matter what. He believed him in. So a few days before a potential flood, an evacuation was made and everyone was ordered to higher ground, away from their houses. However, this one guy refused to go. His response was
"No, God will save me" to all of the rescuers trying to help everyone flee from the potentional storm.

Days went by, and the rain poured and poured. The man, now moving to his 2nd story floor, was climbing to higher ground. A rescue boat comes by and asks the man to jump in and to be brought to higher land. Once again, the man refuses saying.
"No, God will save me."

The next day, the water moves even higher. This time the man is on his roof, trying desperatly to stay above the rising waters. A helicopter flies by. They drop a ladder and insist the man go with them before it is too late. For the third time he refuses, saying,
"No, God will save me."

The rains poured and came down hard. A few days later the skies cleared and the water began to recede. There was no sign of the man. He had drowned.

The man had died and went to heaven. He was angry because God did not save him. God had let him down. So, he went up to God and asked him
"Why didn't you save me?"
God repsonded back to him,
"I did try to save you from the flood. I sent the rescuers to evacuate you, I sent a lifeboat, and I sent a helicopter, but you did not want to take all of my suggestions."

Answer 5

Will you remenber me in a day
Will yo remenber me in a week
Yes
Will you remember me in 5 years
yes
Nock Nock
Whos there
See u already forgot

Answer 6

newly married couple on the way to honeymoon have an accident..the young man loose his left foot...the bride calls her mother crying hysterically...mom..he only has one foot.....her mother responds dont cry honey your father only had 6 inches!

Answer 7

Q. If a woman with big boobs can work at Hooters, where can a woman with one leg work?

A. IHOP

Answer 8

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer


What do you call a deer with no eyes & no legs?

Still no eye deeer


What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sex organs?

Still no f****ing eye deer.

Answer 9

what do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!!!!!

what do you call a cow with two legs?
lean beef!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what do you call a cow with a nervous twitch?
Beef Jerky

Answer 10

I cant think of any but that first one was HILARIOUS!!!