Any good jokes?

Answer 1

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in PITTSBURGH. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hootch and got completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how
good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover!
NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing."

"What's that?"

"Have you farted yet?"

"No "

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver

Answer 2

This homeless dude walks into a store and asks for a job. The clerk doesn't really want to put up with him so he gives him a jar of pencils and says to stand at the street corner. The clerk goes, "When someone approaches you say 'PENCILS!!'. Then say, '2 for a quarter'. If they say they don't want to buy one say, 'If you don't somebody will!'. That's all you gotta do so go and do it!" After he left the store he stood on the street corner. A man approaches and says, "Is this where the bus stops?" The homeless guy goes, "PENCILS!!" . After asking him a second time, the man asks what the time is. The homeless guy answers, "2 for a quarter!". The man tries several more times to ask him a question. After failing to get any of his questions answered, he gets mad and says, "You idiot! You don't talk about anything but pencils! I'm going to get so frustrated I'm going to punch you!" The homeless guy then answers, "If you don't somebody will!"

Answer 3

Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub

when the first one turns to the second and says

"pass the soap". Then the other says,

"what do I look like, a typewriter?"


I'm sure I won't win the 10, but I love it.

Answer 4

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."

Answer 5

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef! What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork-Chop!

Answer 6

Did you hear that he POPE has the bird flu??????

He caught it from a Cardinal.