2006-07-06 10:37:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anna Q 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my husband and I have been married for 1.5 years. Since we have been married, he doesnt do oral sex only cares about his own sexual gratification, when we had our baby... he didnt bring flowers, he has never boughten me a gift, not even on Christmas, and all my friends and family are telling me he is extremely selfish and have no comment... they dont believe in getting divorced. Just recently I found out that he has made comments about this woman at work... telling his other cop friends that he would love to have sex with her. He has constantly downgraded me... and he says that he likes dark tans, and dark haired women... I am red-blonde and very fair. He has never said to me, " God your pretty... in fact in fights has told me that his ex's look better then me." I dont think he is in love... and I feel very used. I feel very stupid!
2006-07-06 10:49:38 · update #1
I have expressed myself and pain to him and its not getting any better. I have expressed it so much that I feel like a broken record and all the time its turned onto me as if its my fault. He will say, " Your not affectionate!" etc....
2006-07-06 11:21:44 · update #2
God you're pretty
2006-07-06 10:41:39 · answer #1 · answered by jb1220jb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're a wife, and not sure that you arn't being used, you got married too early.
In other words: Real love is not something that you find quickly, and it's not something that goes away quickly. You can't really love someone until you really know them. And you have to be a part of a man's life for a long time before you know him.
After you've known him for a long time, you'll see how he reacts to his friends' relationships with women, you'll see his reaction to mens' roles in movies. You'll find out how he treats his mother, and why.
People put their best forward, especially if they want someone to like them. It's only after you know them awhile that you start seeing around the facade to find out what's really there.
If your man gets a kick out of movies where men cheat on their wives, or leave their families for a hot younger woman, you may have cause to worry.
If he encourages a friend to break up with a girl because the new girl who likes him is "hotter", you should start worrying.
If he's already thinking about cheating on you and talking about it with others, you may have to pack your bags.
There are too many people today (men and women) who think of getting married like they're "going steady". They consider marrage to be a matter of convienience, something that can be tossed away with a divorce the minute they arn't getting what they want anymore. With that in mind, they get married for the wrong reasons.
Many people use the people in their lives. Sometimes they want money, sometimes they want someone in their bed, sometimes they want someone to clean their house. Sometimes they just want to stop pretending to be the great person they're not, and think a wedding ring gives them the okay to be a jerk.
Real love is true between 2 people. They know each other at their best and their worst, and still love them. At that point, their love for each other is just a natural consequence of who they are to each other, more than aspects of each other that they like, or something they think they can get from each other. As a result, they care more about the other's happiness than about their own, and all of their actions reflect that.
That's real love.
If you don't have it now, consider divorce, and be more careful next time. But if you do think you have it now, have a long, open talk with him, and tell him exactly what you need from him - some men can be slow. And if he doesn't know you need kind words and flowers and attention, and you've never told him, you're 1/2 to blame for why he doesn't give them to you.
And don't worry too much that he may fantasize, or look. Everyone does, men and women, just in different ways. If that's all it is, get him a subscription to Playboy, so his fantasies are about pictures of women he'll never meet, instead of real women in his everyday life who may someday tempt him during a moment of weakness. (Really, Playboy is the cleanest, most respectful- and appriciative-of-women porn out there.) Don't be too insecure. Remember, either he didn't want other women, or they didn't want him. hat gives you the upper hand.
2006-07-06 18:13:45 · answer #2 · answered by kate 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We think sometimes that we are being used and or not appreciated. But most of the time if we have been in a marriage for awhile it is us with the issue and not the other partner. You just need a little pick me upper from your mate. Tell him you feel down in the dumps and if he could find some way some how to make you feel special again. Or then again don't dwell on the bad and remember the good like out of all the women in the world he could have chosen he CHOSE you! :-)
REAL love is sacarifice, and does not look for anything back in return it thrives on the giving.
2006-07-06 17:49:50 · answer #3 · answered by kaiofhawaii 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very possible to be a wife and be used. A lot of times people take their partners for granted after time goes by. They get a little too comfortable in the relationship. Real love is tricky. There is no definition. But if you are questioning his feelings or yours, then you need to go to counsling or at the very least - talk to him.
2006-07-06 17:46:33 · answer #4 · answered by goddess17 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Real love is not ever feeling the need to question someone's actions or integrity. Wanting to be with them always and wanting the best for them. Real love is caring, compassionate and kind. We all use each other, as long as it is an equal trade, there shouldn't be a problem.
2006-07-06 17:45:04 · answer #5 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me it sounds like he is emotionally abusive and extremely selfish....I thought my husband was selfish. But yours sounds like a real jerk.
Who cares if they don't believe in divorce? do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling like crap because of him?
And by the way, just because we're wives doesn't mean our husbands can't "use" us.
2006-07-06 17:59:02 · answer #6 · answered by halocraze86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a quick aside: the phrase you meant to use was "In other words", not "Anotherwords". Just giving you a heads-up.
2006-07-06 18:15:14 · answer #7 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You meant to say, "In other words..." not "anotherwords." Also, you used the possessive adjective twice instead of the contraction, you're, in your question.
2006-07-06 17:48:34 · answer #8 · answered by rcaesarb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him he doesnt love you and will use you up till there is nothing left of you then move on. Run as fast as you can.
2006-07-06 18:03:44 · answer #9 · answered by chris c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out now
2006-07-06 17:55:52 · answer #10 · answered by Ashs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋