I dont ahve a desire to have sex with my husband. It is not that I dont get in the mood ever, it is just not very often. Part of the reason is that I dont find my husband as attractive as he was 5 years ago and also because I dont feel as attractive as I once was. I know that all marriages go through this type of thing, but when I do have sex with my husband I cant wait till it is over. Adding spice is not the answer if I dont even have the desire to begin it.
2006-07-06 09:26:53 · 12 answers · asked by LittleMermaid 5 in Health ➔ Women's Health
By the way I am 29 and my husband and I have been married 3 1/2 yrs and have a 2 yr. old daughter and raise my 9yr. old son and his 11 yr. old son.
2006-07-06 09:33:22 · update #1
The mood for sex is not something that just happens. You have to encourage it and even prepare for it sometimes. The first issue that you talk about is not being attractive to each other or even feeling good about yourself. You have to change this because it is essential for you to feel good about you and him. Start exercising together and get back to the shape you two were before when you used to enjoy sex more. Exercise will not only make you feel good about yourself but give you more energy for sex. The next concern is that I suspect you are worrying so much about sex and your lack of desire that even when you are in the mood you are thinking about it. This means that your not letting yourself go and just enjoying the feeling. Sex is best when you do very little thinking and more imagining and feeling. You may have to work on this by yourself by spending time taking things into your own hands and remembering how good sex can feel. Last but not least, go see your doctor and talk to him about your decreased sex drive and see if there is a health related issue. Often lack of sex drive is a symptom of health related issues.
2006-07-06 09:37:03 · answer #1 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well why don't you do something out of the ordinary together as couple to get some type of bond/attraction again. Go to a nice cabin for a weekend, or go do something you both enjoy to do as a couple...whether its romantic or just something fun. Once you see how much fun you are having with him and how good he treats you, you will appreciate him and that appreciation can turn into attraction. Try a spa also. It's just a phase, if you both been married long and hasnt really done anything in a while, maybe that's why you are feeling bored and not having the desire to make love w/ him. I'm sure once you do something together things will change.
2006-07-06 16:33:39 · answer #2 · answered by Informer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the risk of sounding to "Dr. Phil-ish"... atleast you want to want him... it sounds like the problem isn't really not wanting sex, seems like you feel bad about the way you & he look for one thing... I think the suggestion to hit the gym is a great one, not just to get in better shape but it'll be something different for you two to do together. Have you been spending time together outside of the ordinary day to day stuff? (Just the two of you) Plan a picnic on a weekend, go to an amusement park, go out to dinner and dress up really cute, do activities together an start by bringing up old jokes and laugh together... reconnect with him on the friendship level first and I bet a lot of those old feelings will start coming back too.
The best thing you can do for you marrage right now is to remember what it feels like to be married to your best friend.
2006-07-06 16:41:35 · answer #3 · answered by starsmoak 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was once married to a man who I liked enormously. He was kind, generous, handsome, cultured and hard working but there was no passion. When I looked at him, I felt like he was my brother. I have now been married to a man for many years, who has all my first husband's qualities but we fancy the pants off each other. He thinks I am beautiful and tells me so every day. My life has changed beyond recognition. Would I live in a passionless marriage again? Not a chance.
2006-07-06 16:37:17 · answer #4 · answered by Kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your emotional bank is almost empty - you need to be romanced by your hubby again to start filling it.
You need to go back to dating him. Get yourself a babysitter and go out for some adult time (no not sex time - romance time) Don't go out and drink - that is not going to help anything at this point in your life.
Both of you have gotten so busy with life that both of you forgot who you married.
If both of you are out of shape, start by going out for a walk - you need to find the motivation to get yourselves back into each others lives (and by that I mean: mind, heart and soul) - I don't mean just living together. Make sure both of you are groomed well and by that you should be groomed to what the other likes - not required, but helps things along.
Check into doing an activity together - see what your city parks and recreation department offer (check on line) or take a class at your local adult school or some churches offer community classes at no charge.
You don't need the sex, you need the romance - the emotional part of you needs to be addressed (his too). Sex will come later once you start doing things together. It may be a slow process, but it will be worth it.
Go out alone at least every 6-8 weeks on an overnighter - either you two go out and spend the night in a nice hotel or send the kids on a sleep-over.
2006-07-06 19:04:50 · answer #5 · answered by Wolf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good looking physique is not the only thing that triggers the desire to have sex. when u both are together, don't keep repeating to yourself that you are about to get into the act u don't like. rather try to feel good about the relationship you have for 5 years, remember the good moments you shared. Figure out something funny that happened to you both and you laughed together sometime, mention it to your hunny bunny, share a laugh..believe me..a good laugh in bed is better than 10 minutes of foreplay..hug him, cuddle with him and caress him...don't make love...let love happen to you. If ever after u try your best and you can't get past it...see a sexologist or consult ur physician...sex is important but not all of a relationship.
2006-07-06 16:36:56 · answer #6 · answered by Sapna A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know how you feel, but since you said you were 29 its not normal to want to have sex, its not till later in your life when you dont have that desire or whatever. You need to see your gyno to ask her and make sure its not anything hormonal or anything cause it can happen
if that doesnt work, and your just not attracted, then I dont know man.
2006-07-06 17:37:15 · answer #7 · answered by xbyebye_beautifulx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would see a doctor if i were you... hormones sound like they are not up to the correct leves.. is it possiable you are under stress or depressed... each one of these factors can take a toll on a womans sex drive.... perhalps its time to set your hubby on his ear... and have a makeover..... you got to take care of yourself outside as well as inside.... and most importantly you need to love yourself..... that will make a person feel the most desireable thus in turn the sex drive possiably can come back naturally....
2006-07-06 16:35:58 · answer #8 · answered by virginiadec61 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hit the gym!! You and him, after a month go to one of them bed and breakfast type places where it is only the two of you. Bring the music that you listen to back then. Relax and remember what arracted the two of you back when you were younger. Good luck
2006-07-06 16:33:59 · answer #9 · answered by Grady S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your romance is dying.. recover the romance by spending time together reliving old loving happy memories.. dont let the romance die off... it can result in a very bad ending.. bless you both to be happy forever... in love..
2006-07-07 06:21:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋