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I'm 29, my son is 11. He spends a lot of time away from home and it really doesn't bother me, I actually prefer for him to be away. When he's home I feel I get anoid with him very easily. Why is this!!! I want to be a good mom, but feel that I'm not. Can anyone give me parenting tips to be able to give my son the love he needs and DESERVES!!!!!????

2006-07-06 09:09:45 · 22 answers · asked by kajunattitude 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting Adolescent

Just to make it clear to "everyone", I love my sone with all of my heart. We just don't connect, and I don't know what to do about it!!!!!!

2006-07-06 10:06:30 · update #1

22 answers

You need to be patient. Being a parent can be stressful, but try to get all of the pesamistic thoughts out of your head. Find something you both enjoy doing (maybe that could be seeing your child happy) so something that he enjoys if you cant find anything you both like. At the age of 11 if he is already distant from you, imagine what he will be like during his adolensent years. Make sure that he doesn't slip away. Remember, patience! Good Luck
Also, (if you have a habit to) don't yell, or nag, or any of the typical things that us kids wish parents wouldn't do.

2006-07-07 04:21:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

When my son was younger I noticed I would often get annoyed with him at little things he did. I was short tempered and didn't seem to have much patience. I finally took a look at myself and it broke my heart to see the mother I was and to such a beautiful child who didn't deserve it. I figured out I was taking my frustrations out on him because I was angry with his father about alot of things and he looked just like his dad. I asked God to forgive me and from that day forward I made it a priority to be the mom I knew I could. He is now 23 and I tell him everyday I love him and we are not only mother and son, but friends. I wouldn't trade him for the world. Take some time alone and figure out if there is some unconscious reason you may be acting this way towards your son. Don't feel you are a bad mom. Just try to get to the root of your feelings and make every effort to do the best you can. No parent is perfect, but love given is always returned. Kids understand alot more than we give them credit for. It is never too late. Give him a long hug today and tell him how much you love him. I know you do because you wouldn't have come here for help if you didn't. Good luck and God bless you. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

2006-07-06 16:24:52 · answer #2 · answered by softlyinspired 5 · 0 0

i think you're probably a good mom having some problems.

my number 1 concern is that you know where your son is when he's away and who's watching him. this is the age where he's beginning to get exposed to things, and he needs to be kept on the right track.

i bet that you are frustrated at something in your life, and then the little boy things that he does annoy you more quickly and to a higher degree than you should. You probably take your other frustrations out on him, because you know that these small annoyances are things that you can control and stop, whereas the other frustrations in your life may not be able to be handled so easily....bad job, bad coworkers, ex husband, not enough money, bad hair day....none of these are fixable, but you can vent your anger/frustration on a poor little boy, which makes you feel better in the short run, but doesn't really solve anything in the long run.
so what you need to do is figure out where those other frustrations are coming from and fix the root of the problem. because to have an 11 year old child, your own son, annoy you so much that you don't want him to be around IS NOT NORMAL and needs to be fixed. You're gonna have a hard enough time relating in a couple years anyway...don't ascerbate it now by letting him grow away from you. it could be that you just need a break, you need some 'me' time, and even when your son isn't around you don't get it. try taking a weekend completely for you, send you son to his grandparents, don't do any cleaning or bills or work, just do something for you...could be as nice as a day spa trip or as low key as renting your favorite movies and pigging out all weekend. also, writing in a journal can help you sort out just exactly what's bothering you. if its financial, try making a list of all the expenses...its hard to look at, but its better knowing exactly what the debts are, rather than having them follow you around like an ominous dark cloud.

good luck with working on this, but what needs to be done immediately is to make sure that child is ALWAYS supervised or you know where he is, what he's doing, and when he'll be back....make him prove it occasionally by calling the friend's house, or asking for the movie stub. better to be a nag than to have a kid on drugs, out making babies

2006-07-06 16:33:28 · answer #3 · answered by ladylawyer26 3 · 0 0

Your attitude is probably the result of you having your son at such a young age. You may feel as if your social life is deprived. But dont take it out on your son. You should develop a plan where you can have a social life and still spend quality time with your son. He is gonna need it in life. How would you feel if your son grew up and felt that way about you? Right now he probably has no idea how you feel and he loves you to death. Return the love, it will pay dividends in life. And get a sitter and go out and have a blast so that you can get it out of your system if that's what you crave.

2006-07-06 16:18:15 · answer #4 · answered by Darth Plagueis 3 · 0 0

You get annoyed w/ him so easily b/c it seems as though you're never with him. I totally understand the frustrations of being a young parent. I too have an 11 yr old and I'm 31. I was a single parent for several years and know how hard it is. You have to realize that he is your #1 priority and make it happen. You are his everything and you need to step up. If you keep pushing him away your going to regret it b/c eventually he's going to do the same to you.

2006-07-06 16:13:40 · answer #5 · answered by cnelligan2 1 · 0 0

If you think you might be a bad parent don't share with any government employee, they will take your son from you by force and you won't see him ever again.

Go see a psychologist/psychiatrist (I always get them confused) and discuss your thoughts with them. Best to deal with one specializing in families. You may have no issue at all, but if you suffer from depression (as an example), this is probably a good first step in finding wither a holistic or medical method of dealing with it and in turn being the wonderful mother you want to be.

Good luck, honey, and give yourself credit for asking the right question early on...the sooner you answer the question the better for both you and a potentially neglected child.

2006-07-06 16:20:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I think you are not a bad mom, its just that sometimes you need to take time for yourself and to do things that you really enjoy, therefore you will feel much better when you are around your little boy. Start by taking time for yourself and program the amount of time you really want to spend with your boy. When I say spend I mean QUALITY TIME, do things that you like and that you think your son would like. You will appreciate more the time you spend with your son.

2006-07-06 16:14:09 · answer #7 · answered by flymarissa 1 · 0 0

Is this a recent problem, or has it been developing for a few years? Perhaps you should examine where/when the relationship went sour. Are you too tied up at work to give him enough attention? Is there a male role model for him to look up to? How is he doing in school? Go to a parent teacher interview and see what's been happening at school.

Calmly examine each piece of the puzzle. Those who seek support will get it.

2006-07-06 17:39:30 · answer #8 · answered by Michaelsgdec 5 · 0 0

I have been dealing with the same thing with my 9 yr. old son. I find myself easily annoyed with him and even find myself annoyed with my stepson. I have not found away to deal with this and everyone seems to offer no good advice other than to criticize me for my feelings. I was more affectionate towards my son when he was younger. I feel it is the boys ages and that I dont feel that I have a lot in common with them. Also I connect with my little girl more than I do with the boys. dont feel that you are not a good mom. I think we all feel this way at times.

2006-07-06 16:15:53 · answer #9 · answered by LittleMermaid 5 · 0 0

I think giving him time to do some growing up on his own is fine as long as you know where he is and who he's with. I'm 20 and my mother still gets annoyed with me even though I don't live with her. From what I hear, most parents and kids will want to be away from eachother from time to time. I suggest just doing something with your son every few days or just asking him what he likes to do and see if you can help fuel his hobbies and interests.
As far as I'm concerned, the only truely bad parents are those who beat their children.

2006-07-06 16:17:14 · answer #10 · answered by 4eyed zombie 6 · 0 0

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