This sounds wierd, but could it work?

Question

I'm gay, but my parents hate gays. There would be no way in hell I would tell them. So tell me.. Could it be possible for me to be like Will and Grace? lol where i could be gay and have a girl roomate but say she's my gf.. could that work? lol I know it sounds wierdif i did that which is why i'm asking if it could work. also, if it could.. Well, i wouldn't get married to her or have kids, so how would i go about explaining that? Please, no homophobic answers. I know this sounds stupid lol but if your parents hated gays as much as mine did you would understand.

thanks for the answers. Oh, and i didn't know that will was openly gay. then again i didn't watch the show.. my friend told me that lol. yeah, and that's true.. she would find a guy and it would go all downhill. i could say "oh we broke up and she moved out" but yeah.. I could always have a lesbian roomate and tell my ma she's my girl and if she gets a gf i could say she was our other roomie or my partners girl or something lol. oh and to the person who said my parents should help me because it's a sin.. i understand why you don't like gays, but i'm not going to change myself to please others. yes, i will make exceptions, but i'm not going to be someone i'm not and make a girl miserable by marrying her, while i'm gay. it's not something you choose and i hope you can understand that.

thanks for the answers, and i know this sounds stupid. well, my parents saw an IM once of me and this guy, and we were talking about gay porn, and tons of stuff. they FREAKED and i'm talking about omg.. i lied and said the person was deppressed and needed someone to talk to but omg i've never seenthem so sad. so if i tell them i'm gay, it'll be even worse.

Answer 1

You are off the charts adorable. Well, I am a fanatical Will&Grace fan...he doesnt tell people Grace is his girlfriend...Will is openly gay. But you COULD do something like that, like get a girl roomate, and sort of..."omit" the fact that you're gay...even though you really shouldnt hide it from anybody. Seriously, be who you are... if you hide who you truley are you are going to end up a very unhappy person. I dont know your relationship with your parents, but if they love you like they should, it shouldnt matter if you're gay or not.

My grandma isnt too fond of gay people, but I have 2 cousins (who are her grandchildren as well) who told her that they are both lesbians, and she was fine with it because no matter what, they are the same person, only they like girls instead of guys.

If you're parents love you, they will accept you.

<3 Hope I helped honey

Answer 2

Awww.......Honey I'm sorry you are in this situation, homophobic parents are the worst. I'm lucky because my parents finally got over it and my girlfriend is like a second child to them now, but honey you need to tell them, Im not saying right away, drop some subtle hints like, "hey mom what if your friend had a gay son" get a response and go from there, try to inform them that being gay isn't a choice. And honey I know this sounds rough but you really are better off being who you are with no parents than pretending to be something you aren't for their benifit, besides, even if you dont tell them, they WILL find out, trust me sugar.

Answer 3

I don't think it's a good idea.

I also do not think it is important for you to come out to your parents, nor is it important for you to remain in the closet.

This may sound hypocritical, but it's my opinion that you should come out when and IF it is something you feel you need to do. You shouldn't be pressured into coming out. In some cases, it can cause a LOT of angst and potential pain.

You can check out my own site (listed below) for my coming out story.

My "end all" answer to your question, or a possible solution to your dilemma is to just live your life. When questions from your family come up about relationships "are you dating anyone?" - you can avoid the subject, or cleverly steer the subject away.

This worked with me for a VERY SHORT while, until I finally felt the need to be honest and straightforward with my parents. I felt I was being dishonest by NOT telling them about my life, or not telling them all, but some would feel that not telling them everything was not necessarily dishonest, and as much as I agree with this statement for some, for me, I felt the need to be out.

It was not smooth sailing after that, and I no longer speak to my father (fundamentalist lutheran minister), and I take responsibility for that.

But remember -- every situation is different.

Do what you feel is right in your heart, and it will be the "right" thing to do -- for you.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Well, this is a very strange and difficult question. If you do move in with a girl and tell your parents that she's your girlfirend, there could be a lot of problems. First, the girl would need to know your intentions, second if she ever desided to get a boyfriend, how would you explain that? My best answer would probably be to not tell your parents. If you are deathly afraid that they will shun you from their life that is. It would be better to be honest. They may be upset, but you are still their sun.
-Punkin

Answer 5

First just let me say that homosexuality isn't a "serious sin." According to the bible ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God. And no one sin is more heinous then another. Degrees of "sin" is defined by man's law, not gods.

That is if you believe the bible hook, line and sinker. Then again, most would like to distort it to mean what they want it to mean.

If God is important to you, know that he loves you. If he isn't a force in your life, then you don't need to worry about it. Or someone busy enough trying to "pull the beam out of your eyes, without dealing with their own."

Sorry, I just hate bigotry and ignorance in the name of God.

Ok, that said... I don't believe that you should live in secret your whole life. That is really hard to do and demoralizing.

It SUCKS to have your parents hate who you are. In reality that is what they are saying whether they know you are gay or not - hence your fear. They are saying that gays are worthy of hate - across the board judgement and condemnation. (Hitler ring any bells?) And they have effectively blocked their relationship with you with that hateful garbage. These are my beliefs on any hard line "hate" message on any topic from parents to kids - whether sexuality related or racisim, or hatred of a certain kind of music or food.

It teaches kids that there are things they are immobile about changing. Not open to new information or learning. (history shows us tragic disasterous results with this type of thinking). It is probably what they were taught, and they just never questioned it or doubted it. Maybe some education would do them some good.

I'm so sorry that you are in that situation.

Find an extended family. Get support around you. Check out your local community center, support meetings, or at least find a role model/mentor you can talk through with this. Surround yourself with affirming, loving people.

Don't hate. Returning hatred just makes things worse. Be sad that your parents are like this. I am sure they love you, but what they say makes it conditional and love should never be conditional if it is real love.

You may not be ready to come all the way out now. Keep asking questions. Talk to people who have gone through it.

The scenario you suggested might work if you found the right person/s who could live with it. But as more and more equality and freedoms are justly brought into our society, I think we will start to find less people in the community willing to settle for less then being open and expecting equality.

Also, imagine what this could do if you ever had a child. What message would it send them. Don't perpetuate the cycle of hate any further. Let it stop with your parents. Be bigger and better then hatefulness.

People change too. If you got into this kind of relationship, she might change her mind eventually. You might lose a loved one because they don't want to "share" you.

If you can't bring your whole self to your parents and get unconditional love and acceptance, I believe your pain will always be intense and festering. If you tell them and they don't accept you, then you hurt, but you know where you stand. You will not have to live in fear they will find out (and feel betrayed that you didn't tell them - likely to cause a much larger backlash then you telling them directly).

But I'm not in your shoes, so just check out all your options very thoroughly and make the smartest, most researched decision you can, and try to know what the worst outcomes might be so you prepare ahead of time to handle it.

I wish you much luck, love and happiness.

Answer 6

You need to get real. Will and Grace was a 1/2 hour sitcom. Not real life. You would be living a lie and it will come back to bit you in the ***. I am gay and have been out for years. My mother doesn't like it, but has come to accept it.

Answer 7

I've hung out with a lot of gay men in my time, some of whom were in, and some who were out - those whose parents were open and tolerant seemed to have an inkling about their son's sexuality, whilst those who were homophobic had no idea at all, and if they did, were actively in denial about it. you could quite happily live with a male "roommate" for years and they would never work it out.
Your sexuality, although an important part of you, is not all of you, so its perfectly possible to continue having some sort of functioning relationship with them (though who has one of those really?) without having to feel guilty about hiding stuff from them.
It sucks you're in this situation in the first place.

Answer 8

I was in your shoes buddy....
I suggest just bit the bullet and tell them...
it worked for me....

no, my relationship is not the same with them.... yes, they were weird at first..... yes they were nazi about it at first..... yes, I may have risked being written out of any inheritence... bottom line... they still love me... nothing can take away that love a parent has for their flesh and blood........
however I feel so much better not hiding that part of me.... you honestly do not see it right now... but trust me.... just come out and let them know.... you will not regret it....

Reason I felt it was so important is I thought I could change the way they saw gays. they had very stereotypical ideas about gays and I knew it would be better for me to "challenge" the right - wing - conservative - homophob idea than for me to let them keep spouting off hateful remarks in my presence not knowing they are refering to me.....
It worked...I know they do not love the fact but they are accepting and include my partner of 7.5 years in holidays and family gatherings with no awkwardness.....It suprised me...
Let me know what happens

Answer 9

This is the most hilarious question I've read all day. I think that in the short term you could probably find someone who is willing to do this little sitcom thing with you and fool your parents but eventually you are going to have to be honest. If you really love your parents you want them to love you for who you really are and not a facade you create to appease them. Not to mention you never know if they will set aside their prejudices and love you for who you are if you were honest with them.

Answer 10

If we were in a smooth courting for decades, id locate it stunning. If we were in straightforward words going out for some months, i'd locate it type of wierd and creepy..